dylannnnnnn
i know i bore you now, i can see it in your eyes. I used to show up at your house and you'd be happy to be my face it was like a glow that took over the both of us. now you dont seem excited to see me. sometimes you dont even say hi. i know e're comfortable with each other now and that could be one reason but i jsut feel as if u dont want to be with me. and you've said a few times u want to be free. but then why when we split that one night you came back to me. your not happy with me and your happy without me. i dont understand. and im supposed to understand you. you probably could care less if i was yours and you were mine. but i dont want to just assume i wantto know. but everytime i bring this up i wince as a say it because im scared what if its true? i just have these expectations i shouldnt. what if u really dont want to be with me? what if i realy do bore you. i wish you'd love me more. i try my hardest. i tell you when you look good. i tell you i love you. i remember things we've planned or times we've spent together. you never tell me im pretty. and when i asked you sigh and say you know i thikn you are. but still i want to hear it. it makes me feel good about myself. and i try to make things more fun for us.i include your friends with our plans ive let alot of things go that i could have gotten mad over and you just dont like my friends and like refuse to hnag out with them. you cant attempt to get along. well ive had to so why cant you. and it all comes down to the fact you dont do it is because you dont want this relationship and that scares me shitless. that is the hardest thing to think about. losing you. it's terrible. i wish i could tell you all this but then it'd be the end of us i dont know why i feel this way i jsut do. i feel like if i told you this you'd say "exactly i DONT want a g/f i want to be free away from you. your to self concious clingy and bitchy. if you cant understand me and i cant understand you then why bother." i can jsut hear it now. and i think about this everyday and when you say commetnts joking about us not being together i laugh but i get this like pang in my heart. i jumpy feeling. like i know whats coming. i know e're done. i hate living with this feeling. i wish you'd love me. i wish you would tell me. i wish you wouldn't give me mixed signals.