emotional mind fuck
My brain is going a million miles an hour because all I do is work and not sleep and I am sure as hell not making anything.
I don't have any goals.
It's almost my birthday
and I'm just so fucking pissed and sad for no reason.
it's not like, I'm unhappy. It's just that I get stuck inside my head for too long, and there are only so many things going on in there. I guess I just haven't totally gotten over julius yet? I don't know
I'm pissed off though. I had to go break a stupid bottle of perfume that he bought me.
and then I found the big pieces and broke it some more. and then I ran out of bigger pieces, so I ran inside before someone saw me
and then I wanted to keep going
and break everything that he had touched
and take everything back
all of my fucking cds
and all of that fucking time that I spent on someone that didn't even know how to fucking treat or love me.
I'm mad at myself. Really mad because it's not fucking fair. Why did i do that?
I understand that I liked him. and that it was not worthless the time that we spent together, and that I have learned alot about being in a relationship with someone. but
FUCK YOU.
and I just want to get out of my head for a while. but I can't. Theres no where else to go. and I like it in my head. Just not when he's in there. and I want to watch all the happy movies that I own and let all the memories drip out of my eyes and my nose and my throat and see that they only make a tiny puddle and blow that puddle away.
I don't have any goals.
It's almost my birthday
and I'm just so fucking pissed and sad for no reason.
it's not like, I'm unhappy. It's just that I get stuck inside my head for too long, and there are only so many things going on in there. I guess I just haven't totally gotten over julius yet? I don't know
I'm pissed off though. I had to go break a stupid bottle of perfume that he bought me.
and then I found the big pieces and broke it some more. and then I ran out of bigger pieces, so I ran inside before someone saw me
and then I wanted to keep going
and break everything that he had touched
and take everything back
all of my fucking cds
and all of that fucking time that I spent on someone that didn't even know how to fucking treat or love me.
I'm mad at myself. Really mad because it's not fucking fair. Why did i do that?
I understand that I liked him. and that it was not worthless the time that we spent together, and that I have learned alot about being in a relationship with someone. but
FUCK YOU.
and I just want to get out of my head for a while. but I can't. Theres no where else to go. and I like it in my head. Just not when he's in there. and I want to watch all the happy movies that I own and let all the memories drip out of my eyes and my nose and my throat and see that they only make a tiny puddle and blow that puddle away.