(no subject)
Jen and I have been talking in e-mail a little. Nothing big.. I heard a lot of shit she said in her LJ, so I don't know what to think. =\.
I honestly think I'm the worst Gf ever.. Least from the words of Jen..-.- I just give up. I added her back to Bobbie's list. I didn't make Bobbie do anything. I'm not controlling Bobbie, and I never controlled her. I was never on, and when school starts, I won't ever be on as much as I am now. I'm on what? Nights? Some times durin the day when I'm not working inless I have sports? I'm rarely on all the time. I will be tomorrow once in awhile. My mom andI are going out and then I'm home all day, except when we go go-cart racing because I'm not working.
Gah, I just hate how things end up. I don't want to ever lose Bobbie, I could never live with knowing she hates me.. Since all my x gfs end up hating me =/... and because I love her, and don't ever want to lose her. I feel the same way that Jen did.. when I was hardly on.. when I was so busy.. but atleast I stayed and didn't go out with friends, and completely ignored the other person..Specially when they were crying and going suicidal..
I should have done it though..I should have went through with it. No one would have given a fuck anyways. Bobbie would be too busy with her friends to realize that I'm dead, my friends wouldn't give a fuck. I never hang out with the ones online kuz I try and spend time that I have with Bobbie.. I don't want us ending up like my last relationship, or her last relationship. I don't want it to end up that way, but if it has to end up like hers, then I choose to be the one gone. If it's the one like my passed relationship? Then I choose the one to committ suicide kuz I can't deal with not living without her.
I'm living for 2 things. One ;; Field Hockey Two ;; Her and Amanda. Amanda needs me, and as much as I don't want to believe it, I need her. Them two are the only ones keeping me here. If I don't make Varsity.. I don't know what's going to happen.. I guess my hopes and dreams are going to disappear.. and life is just going to be pointless.. =\.. Although life is already pointless without my Best Friend..
I just have to realize.. I'll never be number one on Bobbie's list...I'll just never be number one.. as much as I want to be.. it's not my choice..
I'm going to and search for a background to work on my lj.. or just ask Stef to.. I really don't give a shit right now.. I wish my scooter was working.. I need to get out of here..
..Kieara
I honestly think I'm the worst Gf ever.. Least from the words of Jen..-.- I just give up. I added her back to Bobbie's list. I didn't make Bobbie do anything. I'm not controlling Bobbie, and I never controlled her. I was never on, and when school starts, I won't ever be on as much as I am now. I'm on what? Nights? Some times durin the day when I'm not working inless I have sports? I'm rarely on all the time. I will be tomorrow once in awhile. My mom andI are going out and then I'm home all day, except when we go go-cart racing because I'm not working.
Gah, I just hate how things end up. I don't want to ever lose Bobbie, I could never live with knowing she hates me.. Since all my x gfs end up hating me =/... and because I love her, and don't ever want to lose her. I feel the same way that Jen did.. when I was hardly on.. when I was so busy.. but atleast I stayed and didn't go out with friends, and completely ignored the other person..Specially when they were crying and going suicidal..
I should have done it though..I should have went through with it. No one would have given a fuck anyways. Bobbie would be too busy with her friends to realize that I'm dead, my friends wouldn't give a fuck. I never hang out with the ones online kuz I try and spend time that I have with Bobbie.. I don't want us ending up like my last relationship, or her last relationship. I don't want it to end up that way, but if it has to end up like hers, then I choose to be the one gone. If it's the one like my passed relationship? Then I choose the one to committ suicide kuz I can't deal with not living without her.
I'm living for 2 things. One ;; Field Hockey Two ;; Her and Amanda. Amanda needs me, and as much as I don't want to believe it, I need her. Them two are the only ones keeping me here. If I don't make Varsity.. I don't know what's going to happen.. I guess my hopes and dreams are going to disappear.. and life is just going to be pointless.. =\.. Although life is already pointless without my Best Friend..
I just have to realize.. I'll never be number one on Bobbie's list...I'll just never be number one.. as much as I want to be.. it's not my choice..
I'm going to and search for a background to work on my lj.. or just ask Stef to.. I really don't give a shit right now.. I wish my scooter was working.. I need to get out of here..
..Kieara