Rambling
I'm obsessed with shoes. I'm in love with the thought of love. I want to get wasted, drunk, trashed, absolutley annihilated. My best friend is acting as if she hates me... less than a week after convincing me that i was stupid for refusing to have a best friend. LOOKS LIKE I WAS RIGHT. Theres nothing I want more than to slit my wrists when I feel like I'm gonna lose another friend. How come I've lost 20 pounds but I feel fatter than ever? How come one size bathing suit is way to small, but the next size up in the same suit hangs off me? I'm I doomed? I'm giving in.. Capris and a tank top to the beach on senior trip. Not going in the water, why do i need a suit? not gonna lay out in a bikini, so i might as well cover up 90% of my skin. Some people only talk to me when they need something from me, or want a favor.. This makes me angry - yet I still do the favor or help them out. CARPET -- walk all over me. graduation is like 85 days away.. thats sooo scary and so exciting all at the same time. Some times I think about it and i never want it to happen, I just want my entire world to end before this time in my life comes to a close. Other times I feel that way about other things and the only thing that keeps me hanging on and waking up again every morning is college on the horizon. Senior play is next weekend. Thats the crazyest thing in the entire world.. the past 9 weeks have absolutely flown by.... nuts. After senior play we have 4 days of school, the spring break.. then a month - and prom. then 2 weeks - and senior trip. then prank, and campout, and darien lake, then a week and graduation. After that its all downhill, or free flying however you want to look at it. AFter graduation its 2 months til college.... the last summer ever of true and real freedom. I half want to quit my job and just... i dont know, lay around and party all summer-- but I'd go nuts. I dont know why I am rambling so much lately but OH WELL. if you don't like it, suckit. So my bff is giving me the silent//"when i talk to her she looks at me as if i'm speaking a broken foreign language" treatment.. my other closest girlfriend is apparently on her side of whatever arguement i didnt even know existed so is doing the same. My fave ash is at college so I never get to see her, and other than that I'm slowly realizing I might not have any friends. Me.. The girl who has a thousand and one friends, is friends with everyone you might say - is friendless.Queer. In any case I'm just depressed. And sick of it. Its been a couple months, and I'm starting to feel three winters ago, two summers ago, and last spring all creeping up on me again - AND THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR IT. if I need anything right now its my friends... so why are they such ditchsters? Because they'll never understand.
If you read this far, you deserve a nobel prize.
Skkyyyester - if you read this...I'm going july 4th oldschool style and drinking bacardi limon and cranberry juice tomorrow!!! (remember... the first time we Formally met not at your party when you were wasted, and you were scared of me.)
If you read this far, you deserve a nobel prize.
Skkyyyester - if you read this...I'm going july 4th oldschool style and drinking bacardi limon and cranberry juice tomorrow!!! (remember... the first time we Formally met not at your party when you were wasted, and you were scared of me.)