It's been awhile, so much has happened
Old reliable livejournal, keeper of all my thoughts and feelings. I'm here late at night again, so many years later, because as always:
Andy.
I got the news on Sunday that he died in a car accident on Saturday, August, 21, 2021. We hadn't spoken in years. I am devastated beyond comprehension. This is the only place where I can grapple with this kind of news.
What we had was so unbelievably complicated. I was ok in life without him, but there was something about just knowing he was somewhere out there in the world, that we might cross paths in the future again, that was enough for me. Not having that...my heart and mind just can't comprehend that. It's just so fucking devastating. I loved him so much, I have spent all my days since meeting him trying to find that kind of love again, in anyone and anything. Nothing has come close, and at this point I've been in several long term relationships, none of them compare to how I felt with him. It's ridiculous. It was love.