(no subject)
My Grandma died the same day that shit happened with Danny, just thought I'd mention that. Lovely.
I'm starting to begin to feel a little more stable. Today after work I took a shower and washed my face and brushed my teeth--I haven't done any of that since Saturday. I only cried for about 10 minutes at work today, which is a huge improvement on the other days. Before this there have only been 3 or 4 people besides my family that have seen me cry, now I don't even care, I'm not ashamed to be emotional over this. I've never cried like this before either, I'm hysterical and shaking and it just drains me of all my energy. The first night I was vomitting. It feels good when I'm all done though, like I just feel calm. But then it all builds up again and I do the same thing in an hour. What makes it so bad is the fact that no matter how torn up I am over this, I can't even imagine what he's going through. Today I was talking with this really awesome boy I work with, someone he became friends with recently, and he asked me "Do you think you'll marry him when all this shit is over?" and that really made me think. It didn't upset me but I couldn't shake that last part, about when it would be over...when will it be over? I would honstly give everything I own just to be able to see him and touch him right now.
Please don't forget about this.
I'm starting to begin to feel a little more stable. Today after work I took a shower and washed my face and brushed my teeth--I haven't done any of that since Saturday. I only cried for about 10 minutes at work today, which is a huge improvement on the other days. Before this there have only been 3 or 4 people besides my family that have seen me cry, now I don't even care, I'm not ashamed to be emotional over this. I've never cried like this before either, I'm hysterical and shaking and it just drains me of all my energy. The first night I was vomitting. It feels good when I'm all done though, like I just feel calm. But then it all builds up again and I do the same thing in an hour. What makes it so bad is the fact that no matter how torn up I am over this, I can't even imagine what he's going through. Today I was talking with this really awesome boy I work with, someone he became friends with recently, and he asked me "Do you think you'll marry him when all this shit is over?" and that really made me think. It didn't upset me but I couldn't shake that last part, about when it would be over...when will it be over? I would honstly give everything I own just to be able to see him and touch him right now.
Please don't forget about this.