What now?
Strangely enough, I'm having one of those "Crossroad" moments again in my life.
Suddenly, I'm worried about so many things all at the same time, and it's just so fucking confusing.
Let's start with the things I hate:
1.) I hate the fact that nursing pays so much in "uh me ri cuh" and now everyone (including my parents) want to be nurses so they _think_ they can earn shitloads of cash. Fucking idiots. Everywhere you'll go, life will be hard, and putangina if you think you're going to be satisfied with being nurses for the rest of your working lives, think again. The solution to financial problems is NEVER more money, it's WISER UTILIZATION of money, goddamnit. Just because they do what they think is best for the family, doesn't mean that they have to drag ME into it.
And putangina all this shit they're telling me that if I want to remain part of this family I better start cooperating with all of their plans and let them run my life. PUTANGINA. Sa lahat ng ayaw ko, ayaw ko na pinagkokonsyensyahan ako sa mga desisyon na gagawin ko para sa buhay ko. Just do your job as parents, and I'll do mine as a son. It's not that I don't care what your opinions say, it's just that they rarely seem like opinions anymore- and you can't understand. WHY can't you understand?!
2.) I hate the fact that my math teacher rarely ever comes to class and expects us all to do well in the finals. If I fail Math 17 this semester, I don't know what the fuck I might be able to do to that prof if he ever shows his face to me again. If I don't fail, then at least I'll know that man has a sense of responsibility in being accountable for his duties as a professor.
I also hate the fact that situations like this never existed in highschool, and that I never learned how to handle them. Now, it may not be too late, but it sure as hell is too fucking inconvenient.
How much shit can you learn from sitting in other classes with different teaching tempos and different approaches to course assignments anyway? How much of the other classes can you find wherein spare seats are still available? How much time can you allocate to find classes you can sit in when all your other classes are tied up in a schedule? Putangina talaga. I know there are answers to all these questions, and that I can find these out for myself pero napipikon lang talaga ako sa sarili ko na hindi ko naisip to ng mas maaga para mas kampante naman pakiramdam ko ngayon.
3.) Why do people purposely screw with the otherwise simple lives of humanity by being such assholes about how "the future should be" and how people "should go to a good course to have a good future"? Seriously, I don't know what to believe anymore! Should I choose to follow my passion and study Social Science related courses, I'm literally screwing myself in the ass financially because teachers apparently don't get paid ANYWHERE IN THIS FUCKING GLOBE. I don't want to resort to relying on my already overburdened parents, the least I want to be able to do is help them out. Should I choose to follow a logical course, I'm dooming myself to years of painful study to meet a first world demand. Why? I don't want to do that! If I were to choose to be a legitimate nurse or something, I'd rather remain in the country and serve here: but chances are I'd die of hunger before I get to serve anybody. Plus, even though nursing really isn't a bad course, I don't want to effing shift to UP Manila where this course is available -_- that'd mean leaving my beloved UP Diliman behind. That'd be too painful.
So I'm stuck in Sports Science, not a bad course to be in. I can choose to be a doctor or something, after 5 or so years, if I work at it. Apparently, even my own fucking father doesn't believe I should be in this course since "there's always nursing." FUCK HIM. I alraedy have enough problems worrying about what the fuck's going to happen to me in the future, and I don't need YOU to fucking NOT BELIEVE IN MY FUCKING CHOICES. TANGINA MO.
In the end, that's all I want. I just want my decisions to be respected, and to face the consequences myself should I fail. I want to make my own choices, to express my individuality, TO BECOME MYSELF.
Fuck anyone who tries to impede me otherwise. Fuck them all.
ANO NA ANG GAGAWIN KO LORD
Suddenly, I'm worried about so many things all at the same time, and it's just so fucking confusing.
Let's start with the things I hate:
1.) I hate the fact that nursing pays so much in "uh me ri cuh" and now everyone (including my parents) want to be nurses so they _think_ they can earn shitloads of cash. Fucking idiots. Everywhere you'll go, life will be hard, and putangina if you think you're going to be satisfied with being nurses for the rest of your working lives, think again. The solution to financial problems is NEVER more money, it's WISER UTILIZATION of money, goddamnit. Just because they do what they think is best for the family, doesn't mean that they have to drag ME into it.
And putangina all this shit they're telling me that if I want to remain part of this family I better start cooperating with all of their plans and let them run my life. PUTANGINA. Sa lahat ng ayaw ko, ayaw ko na pinagkokonsyensyahan ako sa mga desisyon na gagawin ko para sa buhay ko. Just do your job as parents, and I'll do mine as a son. It's not that I don't care what your opinions say, it's just that they rarely seem like opinions anymore- and you can't understand. WHY can't you understand?!
2.) I hate the fact that my math teacher rarely ever comes to class and expects us all to do well in the finals. If I fail Math 17 this semester, I don't know what the fuck I might be able to do to that prof if he ever shows his face to me again. If I don't fail, then at least I'll know that man has a sense of responsibility in being accountable for his duties as a professor.
I also hate the fact that situations like this never existed in highschool, and that I never learned how to handle them. Now, it may not be too late, but it sure as hell is too fucking inconvenient.
How much shit can you learn from sitting in other classes with different teaching tempos and different approaches to course assignments anyway? How much of the other classes can you find wherein spare seats are still available? How much time can you allocate to find classes you can sit in when all your other classes are tied up in a schedule? Putangina talaga. I know there are answers to all these questions, and that I can find these out for myself pero napipikon lang talaga ako sa sarili ko na hindi ko naisip to ng mas maaga para mas kampante naman pakiramdam ko ngayon.
3.) Why do people purposely screw with the otherwise simple lives of humanity by being such assholes about how "the future should be" and how people "should go to a good course to have a good future"? Seriously, I don't know what to believe anymore! Should I choose to follow my passion and study Social Science related courses, I'm literally screwing myself in the ass financially because teachers apparently don't get paid ANYWHERE IN THIS FUCKING GLOBE. I don't want to resort to relying on my already overburdened parents, the least I want to be able to do is help them out. Should I choose to follow a logical course, I'm dooming myself to years of painful study to meet a first world demand. Why? I don't want to do that! If I were to choose to be a legitimate nurse or something, I'd rather remain in the country and serve here: but chances are I'd die of hunger before I get to serve anybody. Plus, even though nursing really isn't a bad course, I don't want to effing shift to UP Manila where this course is available -_- that'd mean leaving my beloved UP Diliman behind. That'd be too painful.
So I'm stuck in Sports Science, not a bad course to be in. I can choose to be a doctor or something, after 5 or so years, if I work at it. Apparently, even my own fucking father doesn't believe I should be in this course since "there's always nursing." FUCK HIM. I alraedy have enough problems worrying about what the fuck's going to happen to me in the future, and I don't need YOU to fucking NOT BELIEVE IN MY FUCKING CHOICES. TANGINA MO.
In the end, that's all I want. I just want my decisions to be respected, and to face the consequences myself should I fail. I want to make my own choices, to express my individuality, TO BECOME MYSELF.
Fuck anyone who tries to impede me otherwise. Fuck them all.
ANO NA ANG GAGAWIN KO LORD