#Fic# Unable to respond //chapter 18//
Title: Unable to respond /chapter 18/
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Warning: still unbetaed. Will be beated soon.
Summary: Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: ok, I officially shame myself... I didn't update for more than half a year. SORRY!!! >< I was really busy, really sorry. ><;;;
>
CHAPTER18
Kazuya was alone again, the noises went away, the family and friends went home continuing their own life. Though he was grateful to them, the young man sometimes thought it was relaxing to be alone. However now he was too anxious, too worried and desperate. The only thing he saw in his mind was Jin lying in front of his apartment.
The Kazuya in the box closed his eyes and buried himself into the memories he shared with Jin, the memories he had with the older man who loves him so much. Kazuya felt it, knew it, he felt proud he can hold Jin’s love, but felt his heart ache. It caused Jin so much painhe wanted to protect Jin, wanted to save him, to wake up, but all he could do was prayingEand thinking about his memories to keep him strong.
After all what had happened, fake girlfriend, family, Jin didn’t leave him. He knew the other boy cant really come and visit him and tho he missed Jin, he knew Jin tried. He tried everything. But he can always keep him near in his memories.
~Jin~
{In this world you tried,
Not leaving me alone behind.
There's no other way,
I pray to the gods let him stay.
The memories ease the pain inside,
And now I know why.
All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imaging you here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears}
Kazuya went back time, when they had been kids, teenagers, every time Jin held him tight...Jin was always a good friend and Kazuya was sure, he can be the best lover he can wish for himself.
He felt the chilly wind coming inside the room through the open window like butterflies wings as it caressed his face. Yes, it was cold, but he didn't feel cold as he imagined the wind to be Jin’s warm hand instead. He remembered more and more of their memories and he felt Jin being there more and more,the wind-butterfly spreading its wings on his cheek was a warm hand in his imagination, the Kazuya in the box smiled.
{Made me promise I'd try,
To find my way back in this life.
Hope there is a way,
To give me a sign you're okay.
Reminds me again it's worth it all,
So I can go home.}
If not for Jin, he would have already given up long time ago. But he made a promise to Jin, he had faith in their future, yes, it will come. You just have to be patient, patience is half success. Not giving up is the other half of it. All the pain, all the suffering here was worth if one day he can open his eyes to the world and rest in Jin’s warm and safe embrace, in those strong arms. He imagined how it must feel having Jin holding him lovingly. He longed for it, he longed for it so much it hurt. Where was his love now? Something told him he was not in danger anymore, but he still wanted to have a sign he is okay.
~Jin... are you allright?~
Soon he saw Jin standing in deep darkness which sometimes flashed in blue, as if it had waves. Kazuya clenched his hand to his chest as he felt pain.
~Unghh...~ He looked up and saw Jin close, his eyes were blank, filled with nothing, his form radiating sorrow.
~My God... Jin...~ tear’s glided down on Kazuya’s face, and not only in the box. This time, the real Kazuya lying on the hospital bed shed tears through his closed eyes. He tried to give positive feelings to Jin, he tried to reflect his memories as if they were pictures or photos. And really... he saw them reflecting in Jin’s eyes...Can it be? Can it be Jin really was seeing what he was thinking about?
He was thinking of every time he was smiling because of Jin, he was thinking of memories they shared, wishing...hoping Jin was really seeing them too.
{All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imaging you here.
All of my memories keep you near.
In silent whispers, silent tears.
Together in all these memories,
I see your smile.
All of the memories I hold dear.}
Kazuya closed his eyes and smiled through tears. He imagined he is wrapped in Jin’s arms, Jin kissing him.
{Darling you know I'll love you,
Til the end of time.}
He opened his eyes and he saw Jin’s eyes become less blank, more alive. He heard Jin calling his name, but he had no more power to answer. He felt tired, as if he was working for days without sleeping.
{All of my memories keep you near
In silent moments,
Imaging you here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears.}
~Jin... Don’t give up~
He heard himself say and then he drifted into a deep sleep.
***
T-TUN and Pi were sitting in the living room of the Akanishi family, along with the family members. Jin’s mother sat close to her husband, their hands joined and the woman’s head rested on the shoulder of the man. Reio wanted to go into the kitchen to bring some drinks to the guys, but they all told him he didn’t have to. Actually they felt a little awkward for staying, but they couldn’t help it. The worry was just too big for them to mind their manners and maybe the family didn’t mind it either.
“Thank you that you worry for our son so much. He really has great friends."Mrs Akanishi said gratefully. He knew the boys, especially Yamapi. He was a frequent visitor in the household and it never changed.
“No need to thank, we really like Jin, and we are sorry that weEare still here, but we just..."Yamapi fell silent.
“You want to know how he is when he wakes up and want to be next to him, I know. Thank you. Stay as long as you want." The mother reassured them that it was allright. Her husband nodded too.
Yamapi was wondering, did the parents watch the press conference? What was their opinion on what Jin said? Did they accept Kazuya as their son’s only light of hope, or will they be against it? Yamapi knew how good the relationship between Kame and Jin’s mother was, so he hoped it will go smoothly.
Back in the room, Jin was already up and he was looking out of his window. It was so long time ago he was at home in his parents house, in his own room. Oh, how many times Kazuya visited him here. They had always good time, when Kazuya visited him almost every time it turned out to be too late for the boy to go home, so he stayed. Jin remembered how every time Kazuya snuggled up to him while sleeping. That time he just told himself he and Kazuya are just very close friends and it's normal to hold him close while they were sleeping. Kazuya didn’t seem to mind it either.
He remembered on a winter day he spent with Kazuya and on the song they sang together. He rested his forehead against the window and his eyes filled with tears as he saw: the snow started to fall...the first snow, as on that day
[As we were listening to John Lenon
On a night when the first snow fell onto Tokyo
That day, you and I, we watched from the window how the snow piles]
„Jin~~~!" a 15 years old Kazuya exclaimed with sparkling eyes, smiling, looking towards the window. They were in Jin’s room listening to CD’s, at that moment John Lenon to be exact.
„Hmmm?" Jin, who was 17 that time looked at the younger boy and went to him. Kazuya caught his hand and led him towards the window.
„It is snowing!EKazuya said happily, hugging Jin, pulling him close chuckling. Jin wrapped his arms around his friend and nodded smiling.
„Ah really! It is the first snow~!" He smiled too.
[It was a short love, as short as the life of a bubble
Even pictures didn't remain
But that winter was special to me]
That winter was something special... was it a little love story between them that time, they only didn't realize it? As they grew up the closeness disappeared. Maybe that was one of the last days he held Kazuya like that. If it was a love story...and they only destined to have that one short time as love story in their whole life if Kazuya didn't wake up, Jin wanted to remember it for forever.
[The driving license I just got,
with you sitting next to me
lets go to the town where snow falls]
„Nee Kazu~ lets go for a ride, it will be more beautiful to watch the snow from the car!" Jin said and saw how Kazuya looked at him even more happily.
Jin was a little nervous tho, it was just a week ago he got the license, but he was confident in his driving skills and will be more careful since it was Kazuya he was going to take to a ride.
[I don't care that we don't see tomorrow
Take me away from this place
A world in cobalt blue, the white melody of a piano...
The crystals that are dancing down from the sky
Lets catch them together]
„Kazuya..." Jin whispered. Come back finally and take me away from here...He slowly sank onto the ground. „Come here my love...and lets chase the snow crystals as we once used to."
His thoughts were disturbed by a knock on his door. He turned his head and walked to it, opening it slowly. He saw his family and the guys. It was obvious, everyone was worried for him. He tried to give a faint smile which somewhat failed. He was unable to smile. Not now, not until he feels Kazuya near again, not until he can see his face.
„Thanks for your caring, but I am okay." He said trying to look allright but his voice gave his tiredness away. The mother turned to Jin’s friends and was thinking how to say that now it should be the best if they went home, but before she could open her mouth Ueda bowed.
„Thank you for everything, we have to go now." He said, understanding the situation perfectly well. He looked at Jin and nodded.
„Just never give up Jin." Jin’s eyes widened a little, this was what he heard Kazuya say too. He smiled, now earnestly and nodded.
„I wont ever."
„Man, rest, ’kay?" Koki showed him a thumb up. Jin nodded again.
„Yo man! I will!"
„I will allow you to make not so nice comments about me again."Nakamaru winked.
„Oh, what happened to you."Jin smiled faintly.
„And I will write all of my jokes into a notebook and bring it to you so you will be entertained and will achieve power!Junno said smiling.
Jin faked a disgusted face. „Want to kill me Taguchi?"
But then smiled. He was grateful to all of them, he could never wish for better friends. These friends were not against him. He believed in it. And Yamapi neither. He just cant be. He looked at Pi and he saw the other looking at him too, saying nothing, just pulling him into a tight friendly hug, patting his shoulder. Jin hugged back. When they parted Yamapi nodded and Jin nodded too. Yes, he had faint in Yamapi.
„Reio, please walk them to the door.The father said and the young man nodded his head disappearing with the five guys. Jin’s parents walked into the room and both were examining their son with their eyes, worriedly. Jin sighed.
„I wont die and I wont give up either." He said and sat down at the edge of the bed. He had to look strong.
„Of course you wont." Marie, the mother said and sat next to him.
„Kid, who made you say those words at the press conference?The father asked.
Jin’s eyes widened.
„What?? Noone... I said them by myself...EJin hoped they wont make a scene. He couldn't take it, not now. Later, oh God later...
The father nodded and patted his shoulder.
„Bakajin... you chose a hard path." His eyes shone with understanding and he nodded. His warm smile never faded, he was like that when his child was little too. Jin could remember it, but he was greatly surprised. His father just didn't want to fight or he really accepted his feelings for Kazuya that easily?
„You...wont yell at me?"
„Well... I should yell why it took you so long to realize what you feel for him. Don't give
up, else I will strangle you." He grinned. He was proud of Jin, proud to see how his son was this strong, but he knew he had to leave his wife and his son alone now.
„I will be down, preparing some food.
„Dont ruin the kitchen.The mother frowned. The father started to laugh. When he did that, he resembled Jin.
„Hey hey, where is my ’thanks honey'?" the father teased, he behaved like this to entertain Jin, and well he was always quite like that. Jin smiled at him, but his smile started to fade. He imagined him and Kazuya being like this, it would be so good, so very good. Kazuya and him growing old together living in a house they own, teasing and loving each other... Jin looked down and this was the time the father disappeared and closed the door.
Marie looked at her son from her position, sitting down next to him.
„Jin..."
„Dont worry mother, I am fine." He said and tried to fake yet another smile, without success.
„You don't have to fake in front of me. Tell me everything Jin. I like him, I really do. I hated him when I got to know it is him who you suffer because of, but...seeing you declared your feelings in front of so many people...it made me proud.
Jin fought not to cry, no he cant break.
„Well... I couldn't think of anything else at that moment." He said, fixating his eyes on the floor. He knew if he looked at his mother he would break down in tears.
„He will come back to you... Kazuya-chan will come back to you and will make you happy. He always cared, I always thought you are in a relationship, so..." Jin’s voice cut her off.
„We are not."
The woman got confused. She knew Kazuya, she saw how the two of them interacted, she saw how Kazuya always cared for her son and how he looked at him. Lately he didn't come to the household anymore to meet Jin and it made the mother worry, but she saw how Jin declares his feeling he thought everything was allright.
„Y...you broke up?"
Jin looked at his mother in disbelief.
„We... have never been together. I love him, but... I don't know if he loves me... I mean.. I hope, I sometimes... can feel, I..." Jin put his hand in front of his mouth and closed his eyes, he so didn't want to cry.
Marie pulled her son into a tight hug and Jin couldn't bear it anymore, he burst out in tears, clinging to his mother like a little child. He buried his face in the crook of his mother’s neck and sobbed.
Marie just caressed his hair.
„He loves you Jin. Maybe you didn't realize it, but he does. He always did." Tears gathered in Marie’s eyes. Jin suffered so much, it was enough already. Why cant life be easier on her son?
„Mother, i...cant bear it anymore.EHe sobbed more and hugged his mother tighter. „I want to be with him, I want my Kazu-chan, I cant...I just cant take it anymore"
He said with broken voice, just pouring his heart out to his mother. He didn't even wonder why his mother said so surely that Kazuya loved him too, he couldn't think. He just couldn't.
"Don't you think he is with you even now?" Marie caressed Jin's back and felt how her son tightens his hold on her.
"He...he has a girlfriend..he.." Jin sobbed. There were times he could forget about Chinami, but the times when depression clouded his mind everything seemed darker and pessimism got him, remembering everything what's bad. The mother looked surprised a little.
"Are you sure about this? Kazuya-chan introduced her to you back then?"
"N..no..." Jin sniffled.
"Then...you cant be sure. Jin, listen to me...I never told it to you, but...I think now it is the time." the woman smiled down at Jin who lifted his head off with a puzzled expression on his face.
"Tell me what?"
"Lately I noticed something is off between you and Kazuya-chan and... the reason i thought it is a break-up from a relationship is... because of how he behaved." Marie looked away remembering the young boy how he was standing at the door of their house.
"How he behaved? He never visited me for years now. Long years i already lost the count of" Jin said bitterly, still hugging his mother tightly. How many years had it been?
"He called... everytime you didn't go to work...or when you were down with some sickness...Kazuya-chan came here. He said he doesn't want to cause trouble for you...but he would like to know how you are...he was worried." Jins eyes widened a little and he felt how tears threat him again when he just stopped sobbing.
"Remember the Jasmine tea and the sandwich with a lot of olives that i always gave to you when you were sick?" she smiled and saw how Jin nodded.
"It was from him... he stopped by every time you were sick...and gave it to me."
Jins eyes widened and he just shook his head not wanting to believe how stupid he was. How he never realized Kazuya didn't hate him. His heart filled with warmness but filled with bitterness at the same time too. This was the moment Jin started to regret more being cold to Kazuya. He was afraid of his emotions and acted cold, ignoring the younger one and thought the other doesn't really care since Kazuya copied his way of behavior. Now thinking back about it Jin could recall what he didn't notice that time... that Kazuya got thinner...that his eyes lost the light. And it was all his fault. Maybe that's why he got
together with Chinami in the end? To forget the pain he caused him?
"God...." Jin whispered and tears fell.
"He never stopped caring for you Jin...not even once. I doubt anyone could care for you as much as he did. Kazuya-chan is a wonderful person son and you are meant to be together. But... knowing you...you think not to confess him right? Forget it. Be a man Jin and welcome his feelings. I know you do...and I am sure...if he heard what you were saying during the presscon, he would be happy." The woman smiled but her eyes watered. Jin was not crying anymore, but the expression on his face cause the mother's heart to ache.
Jin couldn't say anything. He was stunned at what his mother said and he blamed himself more and more in every minute. He was not the one that caused the accident? He was... with all of the things he did during the years.
"Will he...ever forgive me?" Jin asked in a silent, broken voice.
"He never was angry at you in the first place." Marie whispered back and pulled Jin to herself more. It felt nice... Jin thought and closed his eyes. He loved his family and was grateful to them.
"Mom..." he breathed out softly.
"Yes Jin?"
"if he.....really..chooses me.." Jins eyes were full with emotions, just speaking about Kazuya, thinking of him made Jins softest side to be seen. "Will you all accept him?... Will you embrace him wholeheartedly?" Jin felt he was about to drift into sleep. He just woke up he knew it, but couldn't help it. He just felt so tired.
"Face it son, we accepted him even before you did." Marie chuckled and Jin smiled with his eyes closed, heavied by sleepiness.
"You are the best..." the young man said before drifted into sleep.
****
Jin felt light and opened his eyes. A familiar scent in his nose with a feeling of safety. He looked around and could understand perfectly where he was. His eyes widened and couldn't understand how he got there. He was... in Kazuya's room on the bed, but how did he get here? The last thing he remembered was the conversation with his mother. Jin got confused, but a gentle feeling caressed his heart. It was years ago since he last was in this room. Nice memories...and now it was just a dream right? It must be since Kazuya was laying in hospital and he himself...was at home. Or not?
Everything seemed so real, even the breeze that came into the room from the open windows, caressing his face. He didn't know what was reality and what was dream anymore. Maybe what really was just a dream was the accident and this was reality? That he just came here to visit Kazuya, fell asleep in the others room and now woke up? Jin's heart was pounding in his chest and it felt it can jump out at any minute when he saw the door open.
He held his breath as he slowly turned around and his eyes widened once more as he saw the person entering. The beautiful creature with long hair brushing his shoulders, elegance radiated from the figure, every move he made was gorgeous. Jin's eyes filled with tears and he started to shiver. Thanks God, thanks God the accident was just a dream. He understood now...it was a way fate showed him what would it be without Kazuya, right? That when he woke up he can appreciate the value of the other next to him.
"Kazuya..." Jin said with trembling voice, full of emotions. he didn't care if the younger man gets shocked or surprised, he will go to him and hug him, hold him tightly pouring his heart out, how much he loved him, how sorry he was. It seemed to him like eternity as Kazuya turned around. Jins held his breath and could have faint. Here he was, his Kazuya who he thought was laying in hospital bed, standing in front of him, healthy, unharmed. He reached one trembling hand in the direction of the younger boy, whispering his name again, but Kazuya didn't even look at him.
"Kazu-chan?"
The younger boy walked past Jin with a little sigh. Jin got shocked a little and panic raised in him. Did he do something wrong to deserve this silent treatment? Think man, think... he told himself, but he couldn't remember anything wrong he did. This situation made him more and more confused. Where is he? whats the reality?
"Kazu-chan, is something wrong?"
he asked again with wavering voice, but no response from the other. Jin watched as Kazuya sat down to his table opening the drawer of it. He sighed again.
"Nee...if i did something that pissed you off please tell me. Don't ignore me just like that Kazu, i...actually want to say something..."
Jin got closer and his shaking hand wanted to touch Kazuya's shoulder, but something unbelievable happened which made Jin's mouth drop. He couldn't touch the younger because he himself was like a ghost. His hand couldn't touch, the moment it would it became transparent. Then its really just a dream right? Right... it would have been too good to be true.
He sighed and decided that he will just watch Kazuya as long as he could. He looked around and one thing caught his eyes. The calendar on the table. He could remember that date. The day when the accident happened.
Was his mind and dreams playing a cruel game? Then he remembered, these were the same clothes Kazuya wore when the accident happened. Whats this all about?
The room was silent just the ticktack sound of Kazuya's clock could be heard. Jin looked at it, it was 4 in the afternoon. On that day they met at 7. He heard Kazuya sigh again and saw the sad expression on the others beautiful face. He somehow knew... this was what really happened that day and he was brought back to the past. Weird twist of fate. If it was a film he could miraculously turn the event, that's why a chance was given to him. But it didn't seem like that, Kazuya didn't hear him and he couldn't touch the other.
Then what is the reason of this? A punishment for him by fate? To make him suffer more?
He saw Kazuya takes a notebook out of his drawer and puts it onto the table. It was not just a notebook, a special one with a little lock. Kazuya stood up and went to his gardrobe, opening it and kneeling down to a box of clothes. He removed the box from its place and under it there was a small red box. The young man took it out, placed the big box of clothes back and brought the little one to the table.
Jins heart beated fast whenever Kazuya got closer, he hoped that a miracle will happen, that he can catch his arm and pull him into an embrace, but even dreams were not fairytales.
Kazuya sat back to the table and opened the box. It revealed a small key which the young man used to open the book with. He softly started to flip through the pages and Jin desperately wanting to read it but he couldn't. He was not able to see what was written, his mind didn't register the words.
"Jin..." Kazuya whispered in a broken voice and it made Jins eyes wide. Why was Kazuya saying his name? And... the expression of the other pained the older man's heart. Kazuya seemed so broken and sad. His eyes were hid by his long hair but it didn't seem to trouble the younger.
Jin watched that Kazuya started to write something into the book, but he again couldn't read it. What can it be? A diary? Kazuya kept a diary?
The words seemed too blurry for Jin's eyes and no matter how he concentrated they became blurrier.
Jin hated that he cant do anything else just watch. He wanted to read badly what the other was writing and most importantly, he wanted to know why Kazuya whispered his name. His heart filled with hope, but
then with sorrow again. Even if it was really the past and this was what happened... he cant change it right?
He saw how the younger one looked at his clock and whispered.
"I will be strong Jin... today... no matter what i will tell you what I feel."
This made Jins heart stop for a fleeting second then beat in a crazy pace that almost hurt. What he feels? Was it real? Can it be his mother was right?
"Why...just why was i so stupid and blind not to realize?!? Why was i so coward?!" Jin yelled and still believed in wonder that the other will hear it, but no. Kazuya just closed the book and locked it with
the key which he returned to its usual place where it can be hidden perfectly.
He saw that the other looked at the clock again and went to the mirror, staring at his own reflection. Jin held his breath. Kazuya was so beautiful. Those soft strands of velvet hair, he wanted to caress into them... he wanted to go there and hug those slim waist tightly, kissing away the sadness of this face he loved more than anything. Jin was trembling as tears burned his eyes. Kazuya looked like a porcelain doll, so skinny, so incredibly beautiful, but white... and the fear of breaking anytime. Why he didn't notice it that time?
He reached for the boy but grabbed air, his arms were not out of flesh, they were not real as he was not real.
He saw how Kame makes his clothes in order and takes a deep but determined breath nodding.
The tears that burned in Jin's eyes started to fall as he saw Kazuya was walking past him and to the door. The cruel sound of the clock...the time which went closer and closer to the hour when the accident happened.
"Kazuya...my Kazu-chan... don't...don't exit this room, don't go... don't... please" he fell onto his knees and cried, seeing Kazuya grabbing the doorknob.
"No...no.. i don't want the accident to happen, i don't... Kazu... come back... don't..don't step out...don't..." Jin repeated and clenched his hands in fists, pleading but the only sound he heard was the closing of the door, which was sharper than he ever heard a door close, hurting his ears as if it was the sound of an angry thunder.
He was alone...accompanied only by the sound of ticktack which drove him out of his mind, knowing Kazuya is heading to a misery.
***
Yamapi was sitting in his apartment alone. He was kind of used to Jin staying there, he was more calmer like that, always being able to keep an eye on the boy. He was sitting on the bed Jin was sleeping while he was staying there, looking at the dictaphone in his hand.
It was his luck he found it, it was as if fate now was on his side.... when will it be on Jin's side? But with that it was on Jin's side too or not? The thing he was worried of now was not only Tomoko, it was how the things in Je will turn out for Jin.
He decided he needs to cool his head off, thinking about everything and try to figure out if to keep in touch with the taxi driver or not.He rose from the bed and put the dictaphone into his pocket, standing up. He took a few steps, but shook his head. He shouldn't bring it with himself, what if it gets lost again? It is more likely he wont have that much of a luck that someone finds it again.
He put it into the drawer of the nightstand table and exited the room.
***
At Johnny's building there was a little chaos among KAT-TUN's managers. They were discussing things and looked at the big door of Johnny's office where the old man was discussing things with the journalist who caused the trouble.
"There is no such thing as bad promotion son, but it is too much." Johnny said as he sat in his chair, not looking very troubled. He wore a poker face and nodded Tsukasa to sit down.
"Akanishi was always a troublemaker of Johnny's but he always was the best to make rumours about. Because he never really behaved how we wanted to we made him be the target of the rumours and made a little agreement with Akanishi himself. Because of that everything was under control until YOU came and fucked it up."
Tsukasa gulped. He knew that Johnny Kitagawa was the king of media and if he wanted to he could destroy not even him, his whole magazine too.
"I..."
"Shht!" Johnny cut him off and watched him for a long minute estimately. "But I am used to his ways, I know how stubborn he can be. So, i ask YOU... what is your next plan?"
"W..What do you mean next plan?" Tsukasa looked cool and calm but in reality he was scared as hell. The old man was too calm, he really was scary in some way. Doesn't he see what ruckus there was now in his jimusho? Or he doesn't care?
"Lets make an agreement little boy." Johnny grinned and the journalist would have say fuck you if it wasn't Johnny. Like this he just stayed silent.
"You plan to shame Akanishi more, right? You can do it, but as I say. I worked at the image too much how they hate each other with Kamenashi and with the "Akanishi caused the accident" you helped me to make this belief stronger. it was you wasn't it? Not that i mind. I can always correct media's mistake."
Tsukasa was at awe. This man was the devil himself, but at the same time Akanishi's one guardian angel.
"Actually I..."
"Speak." Johnny nodded in agreement.
"I don't work alone. And my next plan, or...rather the ones who pulled me into this all next plan is...to... give out a rumour article about...a girl and Jin, Jins girlfriends reaction to the pressconference." Tsukasa was suprised when Johnny started to laugh and clap his hands together.
"Excellent, excellent, I dont know who it is who u work with son, but that someone just saved Akanishi's ass. I would have done the same... A girl, posing as Akanishi's girlfriend... wait... who i asked to do this role last time?...Hmmm... it doesn't matter as many girls as better... so a girlfriend making a ruckus about what her beloved Jin said and how their love is sooo neverending. Want to include me as the bad face? That I told Akanishi to tell those things? Do it and we will be okay. But don't spread rumours without my agreement next time else i will destroy you. I am very sensitive of this Kamenashi Akanishi topic coz i am not blind and i see what i see. I don't like my top boys falling for each other but at the same time i like Akanishi's guts. He is a challenge and i love challenges. You can go. The magazine
with what I told now has to be out tomorrow. You can choose the girl but she wont get money for posing as Akanishi's girl. Okay, you can go." Johnny said and turned his chair so it was to the back to Tsukasa who was really more than surprised but he knew, he had to do what Johnny wanted to save himself.
He was about to stand up and say some polite words but he froze as he heard the old man's voice again.
"Agreed?" the voice demanded respect and held the just-dare-to-say-no-and-i-will-make-you-regret feeling in it. Tsukasa started not to envy the singers in Johnny's anymore. It was a hard world they stepped
into.
***
The ticktack of Kazuya's clock turned to be beeping sound and then a melody. It took Jin long seconds until he realized it's his mobile phone he was hearing and that he was waking up. The dream...or rather vision of the past took the remaining of Jin's common sense. It messed him up and made him feel guilty even more than he already did. He didn't care of the mobile ringing and soon it died away...and the only
thing he was hearing was...the ticktack of his own clock on the wall. He shook his head and covered his ears with his hands, continuing to shake his head and his hands were trembling too. No, no no no no!!!
He shut his eyes and his face reflected pain. Nothing hurt him physically, but now he felt more pain than physically wounds ever could cause. The accident...what at the end really he was the cause of.
The melody of his phone mixed up with the sound of the clock again and he slowly let his hands drop from his ears. He glanced at the phone.
"Johhny H. Kitagawa"
He read. It came...the time he has to front his boss..the fate...the time when he exits the entertainment world.
"Yes?" He picked up and his voice was calm.
"It was quite a dense thing to say Akanishi. Did you think about the consequences? No right? Of course no you never think before you act." He heard the old man say.
"Sir, i wont cause trouble anymore, I will go in and resig---" but he couldn't finish the sentence because Johnny cut him off.
"Listen Akanishi, I don't intend to kick you out, you play along." Johnny stated it.
"I do what?" Jin asked back surprised.
"Tomorrow your so called girlfriend will make a tantrum about what you have said at the press conference. I just called you so if someone asks you will just act according to your new image."
"I....am sorry sir I am tired of lying. I--"
"It was not a question Akanishi it was an order. You are still in my entertainment jimusho and as long as I want you are in it. You bring much money son so i wont just kick you out. You like it or not. We have an agreement, you forgot?"
"I wont lie. I am sorry sir I am tired of it. I want out." he was too shaken up for a discussion like this.
"If Kamenashi is important to you you are not. Better not to fuck his carrier up will you?" Johnny threatened and even from his tone Jin could hear that the old man is smirking. He needed all of his self control not to throw his mobile onto the floor. He said nothing just shut his eyes and took a deep breath.
"So, yoroshiku Akanishi." With this Johnny cut the line and all the young man heard was the beep beep beep sounds from the other end of the line.
Jin throw his phone onto the bed and swore. "Shit!" he fisted his hand and boxed into the table, looking angry and exhausted at the same time.
He shook his head and abruptly stood up. He has to go to Kazuya's house, that is more important now. He had to find out if the diary is real or just a feverish illusion. He exited his room and ran down the stairs.
"Oh Jin, eat something?" his mother asked but the man didn't even stop.
"Be right back." He said and hurriedly exited the house, leaving his family shocked and surprised.
He jumped into a taxi and said the address of the house of Kazuya's parents. He could hardly wait. What if it was really real? It must be, right? It would just be too much coincidence if it was not. He didn't even think things through. What will he say when he arrives? He couldn't think. He even forgot for a fleeting second how he is not welcomed there. Just when the taxi arrived and he looked at the house he
realized how long time ago was the last time he was here and why. But maybe Kazuya's mother will listen to him. He had to try. With sweating palms, like a university student before his exam he payed the driver and got out of the car. He took a deep breath to compose himself. Please God..please...let me talk to her. He prayed silently and started to take step, unsure ones but they became more determined. He had to know if that diary exists or not.
He had no clue what to do, but he stopped in front of the front door and raised his hand to ring the bell. Before he could do so a car stopped next to the house and Kame's oldest brother and father stepped out of it.
They were talking with each other and were not in a bad mood. Of course it changed when they noticed the young man at the door.
The eyes of the father became ice cold and anger clouded his features.
"Good afternoon sir, I---" Jin started politely but he got a slap from the man. The singer didn't hit back, he just stood there and looked straight into the furious father's eyes.
"GO AWAY FROM HERE AKANISHI!!!" he shouted and his voice wavered from hatred.
"Please... I would like to talk to your wife." Jin gathered all of his power and the man looked at him surprised a little when he fall onto his knees, bowing like that. "Please..." Jin whispered. He didn't care of pride, not at all.
"You have 5 seconds to vanish else i call the police." The man said in a strong tone of voice, strictly. Jin looked up at him, his eyes were begging, they were filled with sadness and tiredness. He didn't move from the spot, he stayed there, just looking into the eyes of the man.
"Are you deaf Akanishi? Go.AWAY.NOW!"
Jin looked down then stood up with slow motions. It wouldn't be a wise idea to start a fight or to break into the house now, ignoring the father. He has to wait, he knew it.
"Yes sir..." he walked away, looking at the brother too who said nothing, but watched him estimately. Jin heard ow the man open the door and he spun around. "Sir..."
the hand of the father stopped on the knob and looked back.
"I...hate myself the same way you hate me." Jin confessed and with a bow he turned away, walking.
Both men looked after him with surprised faces, not really understanding this all.
***
The corridor of the hospital was silent, just a few nurse went in and out from the rooms, but Jin still hoped that Kazuya's mother is next to his son. He just needed to speak to the woman. If she wasn't there Jin needs to try to call the house.
He stopped in front of the room as always and took a breath. With a nod he turned the knob and the usual sight welcomed him. Kazuya in the bed, still unable to respond. The young man was alone, his mother
wasn't there as Jin hoped, but at that minute he was a little relieved and glad about it. He can be with Kazuya all alone.
"Kazuya..." he whispered gently and the Kazuya in the box looked up with hope in his tearful eyes.
~Jin!! I was so worried. Oh God Jin! Are you allright?~ he wiped a teardrop from his face and got up, ran to the door which he just saw the outlines of.
Jin kneeled down next to the bed and looked around. Noone was there, there were no noises from outside either so he took Kazuya's hand and squeezed it. There was his only place of peace, tho the sight always pained him. Tears started to wet Kazuya's hand and the younger man felt Jin was trembling. How he wished to take Jin into an embrace and ease his pain.
"I..had a dream...Kazuya...Were you the one who showed it to me? Or was it a feverish illusion? I saw you....on that day before the accident...you were writing something. You...was it real?" Jins voice was weak and sometimes it died.
~Writing? God! My diary! Jin, its real, find it please. Find it!~ Kazuya started to hit the door with his hands but no effect. He couldn't escape, he was still trapped in the silky darkness. He fall onto his knees and supported his back against the door closing his eyes concentrating on the warmth of jins hand. He thought he will go crazy. Enough of not being able to be together! Enough of this line between life and death!
"I...Johnny is angry at me but... I just couldn't...deny my feelings anymore..." Jin continued and a teardrop fell from the Kazuya's face in the box.
~I love you so much Jin. And I blame myself...because you suffer because of me. Please...God please....enough already. What wrong did I do to you? Or what wrong did he do to you? Why do you do this with us?
At least really let me give him a sign I hear him. Or....even if you want to punish me for something, not him...he should finally be happy. Please...~ He kept his eyes close and imagined in his head how he gets up and leans in to kiss Jin gently on the lips.
Jins closed eyes flew open and he touched his lips, looking down at Kazuya. He swore he felt soft warm lips upon his own, but how could it be? Kazuya was still lying motionless in front of him and noone else is here. He just watched the young man for minutes, waiting, hoping, dreaming. He felt he was being filled with energy and power and he couldn't explain why but times like these somehow his faith became
stronger.
"Don't worry Kazuya... I somehow feel the day we meet again is close. At that time you are free to judge me and scold me. But ....let me be...selfish again...for one last time." He said and closed his eyes, leaning in to rest his lips upon Kazuya's. It was just a soft touch, but held so much emotions, so much love in it that Kazuya found the strength to squeeze Jin's hand in real. The older man was in a state
he didn't even got surprised, just held Kazuya's responsive hand more strongly and even when their lips parted he stayed hovering above the beautiful young man and smiled at him, caressing his face with his free hand.
"You cant sleep for long Princess, because your prince soon will take you away from here. This i swear to you. Because I will never give up. I love you."
Kazuya in the box opened his eyes and smiled. ~I am waiting for you Prince.~ He touched his lips where he still felt the burning heavenly sensation what jins lips left. ~And I swear this to you.~
***
After he went out of the hospital he needed to speak to someone. And this someone he decided to be Yamapi. He needed to tell the other about the strange dream he was seeing and maybe ask Yamapi to search for the diary. Once he arrived to Pi's house he rang the bell, but there was no answer so he did it again. When he still didn't get answer he reached into his pocket to find the key. He had a spare key since he was practically living in Yamapi's house lately.
He turned the key and opened the door.
"Pi?"
He looked around, the apartment was empty and dark. He turned the lights off and looked around again but realized Pi was not at home.
"Great..." He sighed and decided to rest until the other comes home. First he went into the kitchen and gulped from the water bottle in the fridge, then headed into the bedroom. As he sat down onto the bed he felt his head start to hurt very much. He thought he will just ignore it but the pain was so intense after a while he decided to drink some medicine. He didn't know why he was searching medicine there but
he opened the drawer of the nightstand table. He raised an eyebrow as he saw a dictaphone in it. He got curious. Did Pi practiced singing like this? Recording himself and listening back? It amused Jin so he got it into his hands and pushed rewind. It didn't take long as he rewinded the tape fully.
He sat back onto the bed and pushed the play button grinning but his smile soon faded and his eyes widened. On the tape it was not what he thought it will be.
***
TBC
AN: hope i didn't disappoint u. From now on i try to update more often. The songs I used:
the first one is Memories from Within Temptation, the other is Cobalt Blue from V6
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