Levels Critical: Beware of Bitch
I'm going to whine. Just be prepared that if you read this, there is whining.
That said.... My back hurts. I am not sure what it feels like when you "throw your back out" but I do know that this hurts like a bageeezuz. I took a look hot shower in hopes that it would loosen it this morning, and it helped some, but DAMN. Alan put a hot rice bag on my back last night so I could fall asleep, and don't think I'm not thankful for that... I swear I'm incredibly lucky to have that boy.
Okay, whining done.
Tonight WORKING opens. I'm nervous on several different fronts. One, I have my lines, it's just the fact that I'm worried about getting flustered and stumbling on words. Two, I know the dances, but I don't want to be the only idiot in mid jump when no one else is. This often happens to me in shows. I'm much better at planning the dances than actually doing them. Three, I hate cameras of any kind unless I'm behind them. My truly deep resentment of them was only solidified last night after seeing the stills shot from the show. I am SO not photogenic. And now I'm having body image and other girly issues. And I HATE having those issues.
I don't think I want to act again, at least not for another 6-9 months. I just don't like the feelings I've gotten from doing this, and i don't like the body image problems. I mean, when you stand in a room with people who are dancers and tiny waisted beauties, it's really hard to not notice that you're kind of the odd one out. It's not that anyone has said anything (To my face) about it or anything, like that... it's just how I am. And I don't need to put myself in that situation for a while, untill I can build my self esteem back up at least. Doing this show has kind of chipped away at it quite a bit.
I'm tired and far to introspective at the moment to remain objective. I'm glad we really only have three performances. I'm ready for this to be done. I'll miss some of the people, but that's more missing hanging out with them, rather than doing a show with them, and if they're my friends, then I can hang out with them even when we're not doing a musical revue together.
This is the first show of mine that my parent's won't be able to see. It's not like I want them to come out here and see it, really, it's more like it just makes me really miss them. I'm finding myself getting really homesick lately. It makes me short tempered and very frustrated. I hate feeling like this, mostly because the only times I EVER got homesick were when I was in Italy, and when I used to go to camp as a kid. And here's the kicker... I'm not homesick for Kansas (Who would be?) but it's just for my mom and dad. If they'd move to Seattle, I'd be spectacular. Not going to happen, but it's a nice thought, none the less.
Today's resolutions : Don't be the one off on the coreography. Don't be a bitch for no reason. Don't feel sorry for yourself all afternoon. Don't eat bad things. Remember that everyone is probably just as stressed out as you are, so step lightly. Oh and CALM THE FUCK DOWN.
That said.... My back hurts. I am not sure what it feels like when you "throw your back out" but I do know that this hurts like a bageeezuz. I took a look hot shower in hopes that it would loosen it this morning, and it helped some, but DAMN. Alan put a hot rice bag on my back last night so I could fall asleep, and don't think I'm not thankful for that... I swear I'm incredibly lucky to have that boy.
Okay, whining done.
Tonight WORKING opens. I'm nervous on several different fronts. One, I have my lines, it's just the fact that I'm worried about getting flustered and stumbling on words. Two, I know the dances, but I don't want to be the only idiot in mid jump when no one else is. This often happens to me in shows. I'm much better at planning the dances than actually doing them. Three, I hate cameras of any kind unless I'm behind them. My truly deep resentment of them was only solidified last night after seeing the stills shot from the show. I am SO not photogenic. And now I'm having body image and other girly issues. And I HATE having those issues.
I don't think I want to act again, at least not for another 6-9 months. I just don't like the feelings I've gotten from doing this, and i don't like the body image problems. I mean, when you stand in a room with people who are dancers and tiny waisted beauties, it's really hard to not notice that you're kind of the odd one out. It's not that anyone has said anything (To my face) about it or anything, like that... it's just how I am. And I don't need to put myself in that situation for a while, untill I can build my self esteem back up at least. Doing this show has kind of chipped away at it quite a bit.
I'm tired and far to introspective at the moment to remain objective. I'm glad we really only have three performances. I'm ready for this to be done. I'll miss some of the people, but that's more missing hanging out with them, rather than doing a show with them, and if they're my friends, then I can hang out with them even when we're not doing a musical revue together.
This is the first show of mine that my parent's won't be able to see. It's not like I want them to come out here and see it, really, it's more like it just makes me really miss them. I'm finding myself getting really homesick lately. It makes me short tempered and very frustrated. I hate feeling like this, mostly because the only times I EVER got homesick were when I was in Italy, and when I used to go to camp as a kid. And here's the kicker... I'm not homesick for Kansas (Who would be?) but it's just for my mom and dad. If they'd move to Seattle, I'd be spectacular. Not going to happen, but it's a nice thought, none the less.
Today's resolutions : Don't be the one off on the coreography. Don't be a bitch for no reason. Don't feel sorry for yourself all afternoon. Don't eat bad things. Remember that everyone is probably just as stressed out as you are, so step lightly. Oh and CALM THE FUCK DOWN.