Movie Rant: Babies and Dogs
When you pay upwards of 7 to 12 dollars per person to see a movie, you have a right to expect some level of quality...unless you pay that amount for a movie with a name like "Snakes on a Plane" or something like that. I feel, that as a movie going public, people are rude. They are rude and inconsiderate bastards.
Let me preface the rest of my rant with a few quick points. Number one: I really do love children and not in a NAMBLA sort of way. Number two: I think that with children come responsibilties. Number Three: This is not a rant against public parenting. If you want to whip out your tit and stick a toddler on it in public, yeah, I guess that's your buisness, but being that this is AMERICA, I guess the same right that allows you to put a sucking toddler on your boob also allows me to tell you that I think you should maybe find a more private place to do that because the sight of your kid stuck to your privates like a barnacle is ruining my dinner... but that's really another rant.. It's called privacy. And Number four: my hormones are out of whack at the moment so I could be overreacting. Could be, but probably am not.
That having been said... WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS TAKES A CHILD TO A 10PM SHOWING OF A PG-13 MOVIE?! Do you know why people go to a 10 pm showing of movies? It's to get AWAY from children and the noises they make, be they whiny, talky or squishy. We elect not to go during the day when young children are supposed to be awake, respecting the fact that kids should be able to go see movies too if their parents want to take them. But do their parents return the respect for us, the childless moviegoers of America?
Apperantly Not.
I mean come on. It's farking expensive to get in, and other people paid the same price you did to get in. We have a right to enjoy the movie without people talking thru it, yelling things out at the screne, OR your baby crying at EVERY CLIMACTIC SCENE IN THE MOVIE! People who bring an infant into a theatre are either completly oblivious to others around them or just fucking morons. Sometimes... both.
Bringing a baby into a theatre is like bringing a dog into one. I would no more expect my dog to sit still for three hours than I would a child under the age of 14, and therefore would NEVER take my dog somewhere that I knew it would be impossible for him to meet the behavior standard. It would mean I would have to discipline him for actions that he didn't know were the wrong way to react in a given situation. The same should the thought of children.
I know, I know..."oh my god, did she just compare children to dogs?! What a bitch!" you may be saying... and you're absloutly right. But frankly, so am I. Your average dog has the intelligence of a three to five year old child. I've had dogs that had the intelligence of a two year old child before. But you see, that is your job as a "parent", to gauge the emotional, physical, mental AND SOCIAL intelligence of your "child" so as not to subject them to things they aren't ready for. You don't let your kid watch pornos at the age of 3, you don't expose them to pot at the age of 8, you don't buy a 14 year old a cell phone without first gauging if they're responsible enough to handle the cost and monitor their minute usage, and you don't hand over the keys to your Porche Boxter to your horny 17 year old son without tossing him a box of condoms to go with them. If they can't handle the situation that they are in, kids are going to screw up and dissapoint you as a parent. But I maintain, that had the parent gauged the situation correctly in the first place... the kid wouldn't have screwed up because they wouldn't have been put in that situation becuase the parent would have looked at it, gauged the intelligence level of their child, and ...well for lack of a more consise quote "gotten of their damn ass and done some parenting."
When you decide to either split your legs or insert your woo-woo in and make a baby, you decide to take on some responsiblility. You have a social responsiblity to that child not only to make him a well adjusted and well rounded member of society, but also to teach him how to act in that given society. How to not be rude, how to properly attend social gatherings, why it is innappropriate to whip out your genatils in a restruant or theatre and stick a baby on them, all of these are things that should be taught to a child. We teach them to dogs. We teach a dog not to jump up on people. We teach it to sit and stay, not to bark and to not piss in the house. These are social graces that many people forget to impart on to their children, and I am here including the pissing in the house part.
I'm not saying that people who have children shouldn't be allowed a night life. But that should go under the heading of "Shit I hire a babysitter for" not of "Shit I tote my kid along with me to do". Would you take your kid with you into a bar, or a strip club? How about to a hotel for a clandestine rendevous? I don't think so. Don't take them to a late showing in a theatre either then. It's just not appropriate.
I propose that theatres after 9pm no longer allow minors under the age of 16 through their doors, whether accompanied by a a parent/gaurdian or not. If this makes me a bigot and a predjucied person, then I'll accept that. I also propose that any resturant where the bill averages over 20 dollars for two people should also have a Parent's with Children seating section and a People without Children section. This would eliminate me turning around to parents at other tables and loudly asking them if they'd mind telling their child to stop ruining my eating out experiance. You don't think I've done it in real life? Then you don't know me very well.
I have nothing against parents. I have nothing against kids. I don't like parents with kids who don't PARENT THEIR KIDS. If you have the will to make a baby, then have the will to make that baby grow up into a decent functional member of society.
That is all. Please send all hate mail to the usual place.
Let me preface the rest of my rant with a few quick points. Number one: I really do love children and not in a NAMBLA sort of way. Number two: I think that with children come responsibilties. Number Three: This is not a rant against public parenting. If you want to whip out your tit and stick a toddler on it in public, yeah, I guess that's your buisness, but being that this is AMERICA, I guess the same right that allows you to put a sucking toddler on your boob also allows me to tell you that I think you should maybe find a more private place to do that because the sight of your kid stuck to your privates like a barnacle is ruining my dinner... but that's really another rant.. It's called privacy. And Number four: my hormones are out of whack at the moment so I could be overreacting. Could be, but probably am not.
That having been said... WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS TAKES A CHILD TO A 10PM SHOWING OF A PG-13 MOVIE?! Do you know why people go to a 10 pm showing of movies? It's to get AWAY from children and the noises they make, be they whiny, talky or squishy. We elect not to go during the day when young children are supposed to be awake, respecting the fact that kids should be able to go see movies too if their parents want to take them. But do their parents return the respect for us, the childless moviegoers of America?
Apperantly Not.
I mean come on. It's farking expensive to get in, and other people paid the same price you did to get in. We have a right to enjoy the movie without people talking thru it, yelling things out at the screne, OR your baby crying at EVERY CLIMACTIC SCENE IN THE MOVIE! People who bring an infant into a theatre are either completly oblivious to others around them or just fucking morons. Sometimes... both.
Bringing a baby into a theatre is like bringing a dog into one. I would no more expect my dog to sit still for three hours than I would a child under the age of 14, and therefore would NEVER take my dog somewhere that I knew it would be impossible for him to meet the behavior standard. It would mean I would have to discipline him for actions that he didn't know were the wrong way to react in a given situation. The same should the thought of children.
I know, I know..."oh my god, did she just compare children to dogs?! What a bitch!" you may be saying... and you're absloutly right. But frankly, so am I. Your average dog has the intelligence of a three to five year old child. I've had dogs that had the intelligence of a two year old child before. But you see, that is your job as a "parent", to gauge the emotional, physical, mental AND SOCIAL intelligence of your "child" so as not to subject them to things they aren't ready for. You don't let your kid watch pornos at the age of 3, you don't expose them to pot at the age of 8, you don't buy a 14 year old a cell phone without first gauging if they're responsible enough to handle the cost and monitor their minute usage, and you don't hand over the keys to your Porche Boxter to your horny 17 year old son without tossing him a box of condoms to go with them. If they can't handle the situation that they are in, kids are going to screw up and dissapoint you as a parent. But I maintain, that had the parent gauged the situation correctly in the first place... the kid wouldn't have screwed up because they wouldn't have been put in that situation becuase the parent would have looked at it, gauged the intelligence level of their child, and ...well for lack of a more consise quote "gotten of their damn ass and done some parenting."
When you decide to either split your legs or insert your woo-woo in and make a baby, you decide to take on some responsiblility. You have a social responsiblity to that child not only to make him a well adjusted and well rounded member of society, but also to teach him how to act in that given society. How to not be rude, how to properly attend social gatherings, why it is innappropriate to whip out your genatils in a restruant or theatre and stick a baby on them, all of these are things that should be taught to a child. We teach them to dogs. We teach a dog not to jump up on people. We teach it to sit and stay, not to bark and to not piss in the house. These are social graces that many people forget to impart on to their children, and I am here including the pissing in the house part.
I'm not saying that people who have children shouldn't be allowed a night life. But that should go under the heading of "Shit I hire a babysitter for" not of "Shit I tote my kid along with me to do". Would you take your kid with you into a bar, or a strip club? How about to a hotel for a clandestine rendevous? I don't think so. Don't take them to a late showing in a theatre either then. It's just not appropriate.
I propose that theatres after 9pm no longer allow minors under the age of 16 through their doors, whether accompanied by a a parent/gaurdian or not. If this makes me a bigot and a predjucied person, then I'll accept that. I also propose that any resturant where the bill averages over 20 dollars for two people should also have a Parent's with Children seating section and a People without Children section. This would eliminate me turning around to parents at other tables and loudly asking them if they'd mind telling their child to stop ruining my eating out experiance. You don't think I've done it in real life? Then you don't know me very well.
I have nothing against parents. I have nothing against kids. I don't like parents with kids who don't PARENT THEIR KIDS. If you have the will to make a baby, then have the will to make that baby grow up into a decent functional member of society.
That is all. Please send all hate mail to the usual place.