(no subject)
I wonder if I could be on American Idol.
Sometimes it comes out so well, but other times, not.
Hello.
So, life is going on today and I can't complain. I frequently have a hard time getting out of bed. It occurred to me today that one key to it is getting out of bed. Let me expound. If I get away from anything soft and comfy, I am much more likely to not fall back asleep. Duh, I guess, but I like to play a little game called "Just lying here trying to wake up a little more." It's a trick I play on myself so I don't have to actually get up. That's the ultimate goal, I guess, just getting up. I can wake up after that. My sleep has gotten better this past month or so, thank God. I've been trying to keep my hands off myself during the night; I find that distracting, and it has been the surrender to the necessary effort to do so that has helped me sleep so much better. I find that even if I lay there NOT sleeping, but with more control, I am better rested for it.
My eating has been up and down. I am not very good at taking care of myself, I am lead to understand that others are, and I am not one of those people. Knowing this helps me deal with that fact. Today I have eaten very well. Drinking enough water is a part of the picture too. It's like getting out of bed, or so many other things. It's IN the DOING of it, that the good comes out. I should NOT wait for any desire for "good action" on my part, because it is simply lacking. Biting the bullet. I wonder where that phrase comes from.
The night tonight is amazing. It's early in the evening: 6:30 pm, and the sky is half-saturated true blue. The moon is a crescent straight ahead of my parents front porch and the whole eastern sky is a deep blue cloud moving very quickly west. The silloutted neighborhood trees are almost entirely bare and the air is cool from a days worth of heavy rain. I wish the whole world could see what I see tonight.
I don't know about this single business after all and am taking it day at a time. I know I AM single and that I love it, and if I am going to be single, then I am going to do just that. I never believed in looking for love. That just seems wrong. It is always there, and when deep relationships come along, then they'll be there in that love too. Point: I cannot let my desire for a wife interfere with loving those that are here right now, because when and if she does come along, I still have to do just that. Plus being single is fun.
I am more sarcastic than I wish I would be, but that's me. Sarcasm is a strange thing. I push others away to bring them closer. Strange. Sometimes it works, other times it hurts, and you can never really tell when it's going to do either. That's the problem. I feel that side of it too. Sometimes I can dish it out, but can't take it. I have been trying really hard to not be overly sensitive. But then again, who wants a dulled sensitivity?
I am smoking again. Le sigh. But I laid off the weed, thank God. I am determined to enjoy it if I am going to smoke it. But, then I start thinking about dying from lung cancer and I have to put it out. One day at a time.
I had another bike stolen. This was my own fault for foolishly chaining it to a parking meter (as far as I can figure). Someone must have just lifted it right over the top, cause it was outside a club and I don't think anyone would have tried, or been able to to clip the chain as quickly as you would have to in such a public place with smokers on the sidewalk and bouncers by the doors. That was pretty good bike. It was an old Fuji racing bike that was the product of my hard labor and innovation in putting the best of three bikes together. Now I am riding a Pinnacle racing bike that is the sad product of the remaing two bikes. Grrr. I have taken my car off the road to save money, save the planet, stay in shape, enjoy the ride, and live locally. It's like the only possession next to a simple home, clothes, and a guitar that I really want. Anyway, complain, complain, complain. I am sure something better will come together sooner than later.
I found a new apartment in Worcester, just around the corner from my old house. 29 Windsor St. Worcester, MA 01605. Write me. I have downsized from four difficult co-ed roommates to one (mostly) easy-going male. I'm on the second floor of an old victorian and it gets ALOT of warmth from the first floor. It has a really big living room and adjacent dining room with lots of tall windows, giving it an open feel, that I LOVE. Big kitchen. Front and back porches. Smallish bedrooms, but not bad. One bath. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I'm loving it.
Peace and Love.
-Johnny
PS-I don't have a phone right now, so do not bother with the old one, and especially with the voicemail. Unless you hear me on the answering machine, be sure that I WILL NOT get your message. I'll post the new number when I get one.
Sometimes it comes out so well, but other times, not.
Hello.
So, life is going on today and I can't complain. I frequently have a hard time getting out of bed. It occurred to me today that one key to it is getting out of bed. Let me expound. If I get away from anything soft and comfy, I am much more likely to not fall back asleep. Duh, I guess, but I like to play a little game called "Just lying here trying to wake up a little more." It's a trick I play on myself so I don't have to actually get up. That's the ultimate goal, I guess, just getting up. I can wake up after that. My sleep has gotten better this past month or so, thank God. I've been trying to keep my hands off myself during the night; I find that distracting, and it has been the surrender to the necessary effort to do so that has helped me sleep so much better. I find that even if I lay there NOT sleeping, but with more control, I am better rested for it.
My eating has been up and down. I am not very good at taking care of myself, I am lead to understand that others are, and I am not one of those people. Knowing this helps me deal with that fact. Today I have eaten very well. Drinking enough water is a part of the picture too. It's like getting out of bed, or so many other things. It's IN the DOING of it, that the good comes out. I should NOT wait for any desire for "good action" on my part, because it is simply lacking. Biting the bullet. I wonder where that phrase comes from.
The night tonight is amazing. It's early in the evening: 6:30 pm, and the sky is half-saturated true blue. The moon is a crescent straight ahead of my parents front porch and the whole eastern sky is a deep blue cloud moving very quickly west. The silloutted neighborhood trees are almost entirely bare and the air is cool from a days worth of heavy rain. I wish the whole world could see what I see tonight.
I don't know about this single business after all and am taking it day at a time. I know I AM single and that I love it, and if I am going to be single, then I am going to do just that. I never believed in looking for love. That just seems wrong. It is always there, and when deep relationships come along, then they'll be there in that love too. Point: I cannot let my desire for a wife interfere with loving those that are here right now, because when and if she does come along, I still have to do just that. Plus being single is fun.
I am more sarcastic than I wish I would be, but that's me. Sarcasm is a strange thing. I push others away to bring them closer. Strange. Sometimes it works, other times it hurts, and you can never really tell when it's going to do either. That's the problem. I feel that side of it too. Sometimes I can dish it out, but can't take it. I have been trying really hard to not be overly sensitive. But then again, who wants a dulled sensitivity?
I am smoking again. Le sigh. But I laid off the weed, thank God. I am determined to enjoy it if I am going to smoke it. But, then I start thinking about dying from lung cancer and I have to put it out. One day at a time.
I had another bike stolen. This was my own fault for foolishly chaining it to a parking meter (as far as I can figure). Someone must have just lifted it right over the top, cause it was outside a club and I don't think anyone would have tried, or been able to to clip the chain as quickly as you would have to in such a public place with smokers on the sidewalk and bouncers by the doors. That was pretty good bike. It was an old Fuji racing bike that was the product of my hard labor and innovation in putting the best of three bikes together. Now I am riding a Pinnacle racing bike that is the sad product of the remaing two bikes. Grrr. I have taken my car off the road to save money, save the planet, stay in shape, enjoy the ride, and live locally. It's like the only possession next to a simple home, clothes, and a guitar that I really want. Anyway, complain, complain, complain. I am sure something better will come together sooner than later.
I found a new apartment in Worcester, just around the corner from my old house. 29 Windsor St. Worcester, MA 01605. Write me. I have downsized from four difficult co-ed roommates to one (mostly) easy-going male. I'm on the second floor of an old victorian and it gets ALOT of warmth from the first floor. It has a really big living room and adjacent dining room with lots of tall windows, giving it an open feel, that I LOVE. Big kitchen. Front and back porches. Smallish bedrooms, but not bad. One bath. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I'm loving it.
Peace and Love.
-Johnny
PS-I don't have a phone right now, so do not bother with the old one, and especially with the voicemail. Unless you hear me on the answering machine, be sure that I WILL NOT get your message. I'll post the new number when I get one.