Right Now
This post is purely boredom indulgent on my behalf. Read on at your own risk. I am sitting at my parents ripping CDs. I have a bit of a tan which is unusual for me and I am proud of it. Things are not as they seem. For example, I am not really tan, but neither am I really white. I am really potential color viewing myself in a moment. I am potential. Hello, I am a human being. What am I being? Whatever I want. Gosh. What a waste of my passage through time it is to think about the potential opinions of others of me. Cosmically tragic. Do we affect one another? Am I responsible in any part for the actions of others? Do others influence me? I hate to think not, but it must be right. How about regarding children? What is the defining line between children and adults? What would it be like to live my life in a state of parenthood? Would my own guilt burn me? What should I be doing at any point of my life? What is time? Who am I? Is my soul manifested through my chemical makeup or existing intangebly within (or without)? Is it a part of my brain, or a third entity composing me? What should I learn from Jesus' transfiguration? What is my body? What am I supposed to do with it? Why am I such a creature with such a complex existence and such gaps in knowledge? I must be intended for searching since answers will always elude me. I am an explorer with a map to a place I have never been and sketchy reference points as to where I am. And tears in my eyes. And a smile. And bad hearing. And a desire to retire. And a love of the journey. And a hatred of it. And a hard time accepting that I can't understand, or don't, or something. I am intended to accept, not understand or manipulate. Thy will be done. Tears. Smiles. Tears. Tears and smiles. Being. Accepting. Crying. Smiling. Laughing. Questioning. Falling. Rising. Accepting. I am accepting that I am loving this. All this thing. These things. Crying and Smiling. Loving it. Accepting the amount of love I feel. Crying and smiling. Being in it. Allowing myself to be this.