Today
Today I need to remember to keep it today. Or at least right now I need to stay here. "Where are you John?!!" I ask myself that like 10 times a day and the answer is always the same... "Right here" aka, not off in some thoughts of the past or future or caught up in feeling more of something than I really am, but always being right here feeling exactly what I am feeling now.
I like my hands. Today I heard a woman say that she is trying really hard to like herself and I can relate. "How can I love (others) if I don't love myself?" True that. "Today I look in the mirror and see a good woman who is trying the best that she can." Wow. That blew me away. I look in the mirror too often and see the person I wish I was or wish I wasn't. I have trouble with mirrors more often than not. I never quite know what to think when I see myself (seeing myself). Strange.
I am hungry, what's new? Randy admitted to himself his own addiction to sugar and white flour this past two weeks and I am glad he has that same problem as me! The support of simply having a fellow food addict in the house has done more good for me than I can say, and I hope vice versa. Doesn't mean I'm not inadvertently hungry all the time, but at least I'm not the only one and I got someone to talk to about it. It is still strange to me that food is no longer a "hit." I feel like I'm eating things, not food. I enjoy my "abstinent" food just as much as any other, but I can forget that I've spent years expecting a high from food that I'm totally devoid of now. So anyways, I'll wait an hour or so for lunch, even though I'm hungry, but probably mostly bored-hungry, but who really cares, cause I'm always hungry for some reason or else.
I wish I could give everyone in the world a hug and kiss. But I don't. You never know how someone is going to take it. So, I just try to live a lifestyle of "hugging and kissing" people within my heart. There's really no way to communicate how we feel about others to others, is there? Sucks. I wish everyone would give me hugs and kisses all the time. That would make me very happy. But alas, they don't, and I don't. I just sit on the sidewalk singing for people instead and I hope that gets my heart across to them in some fashion. And they give me dollar bills or smiles which means alot. It is not unusual for me to laugh and cry within any given minute. Sometimes I wind up with tears on my face and wonder where they came from. I refuse to wipe them away; they're just too honest to be embarrassed of.
I am going to church soon and am very glad of it. I wish confession was before mass though, not after mass. That almost seems like a punishment to me to make people wait through mass and then a whole other day before they receive communion, but maybe it's a challenge, or a schedule thing. Either way, whatever. So, I am going now.
All my love to everyone!
-John
I like my hands. Today I heard a woman say that she is trying really hard to like herself and I can relate. "How can I love (others) if I don't love myself?" True that. "Today I look in the mirror and see a good woman who is trying the best that she can." Wow. That blew me away. I look in the mirror too often and see the person I wish I was or wish I wasn't. I have trouble with mirrors more often than not. I never quite know what to think when I see myself (seeing myself). Strange.
I am hungry, what's new? Randy admitted to himself his own addiction to sugar and white flour this past two weeks and I am glad he has that same problem as me! The support of simply having a fellow food addict in the house has done more good for me than I can say, and I hope vice versa. Doesn't mean I'm not inadvertently hungry all the time, but at least I'm not the only one and I got someone to talk to about it. It is still strange to me that food is no longer a "hit." I feel like I'm eating things, not food. I enjoy my "abstinent" food just as much as any other, but I can forget that I've spent years expecting a high from food that I'm totally devoid of now. So anyways, I'll wait an hour or so for lunch, even though I'm hungry, but probably mostly bored-hungry, but who really cares, cause I'm always hungry for some reason or else.
I wish I could give everyone in the world a hug and kiss. But I don't. You never know how someone is going to take it. So, I just try to live a lifestyle of "hugging and kissing" people within my heart. There's really no way to communicate how we feel about others to others, is there? Sucks. I wish everyone would give me hugs and kisses all the time. That would make me very happy. But alas, they don't, and I don't. I just sit on the sidewalk singing for people instead and I hope that gets my heart across to them in some fashion. And they give me dollar bills or smiles which means alot. It is not unusual for me to laugh and cry within any given minute. Sometimes I wind up with tears on my face and wonder where they came from. I refuse to wipe them away; they're just too honest to be embarrassed of.
I am going to church soon and am very glad of it. I wish confession was before mass though, not after mass. That almost seems like a punishment to me to make people wait through mass and then a whole other day before they receive communion, but maybe it's a challenge, or a schedule thing. Either way, whatever. So, I am going now.
All my love to everyone!
-John