Ficlet: Bachelor Auction (James/Sirius), R
Title: Bachelor Auction
Author: snegurochka_lee
Characters: James/Sirius
Summary: "Come on, Padfoot, don't cause a scandal. I promised Lily's mum my lads would behave."
Rating: hard R
Warnings: None!
Notes: I dare you, Ms Rowling. Come on, do it this way. I dare you. :) Also, 800 words exactly, whee!
"Get your hand off your hip. It's too gay."
"It's not gay; it's comfortable. Fuck off."
"It's the gayest thing I've ever fucking seen." James squinted, reaching forward. "And your hair's gay, too. God, what the fuck?"
Sirius jerked away. "Fuck off." He turned to the side. "How's my suit?"
James shook the gel off his fingers and appraised Sirius, leaning back into the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. "Gay."
"That's it." Sirius threw his hands up, stalking away. "You can take your bloody charity and shove it up your-"
"Get the fuck back here! You're on in ten minutes, you tit, right after Frank and Peter. It's full moon, and I haven't got anybody else."
"You should have thought of that before you insulted me."
"I insult you all the time! Padfoot." James drew out the name in a child's whine, stamping his feet. "Think of all those rich ladies out there, just waiting to fight over you, throwing money at your feet."
"You said I don't get any money. Got to do it out of the goodness of my heart. Do it for the orphans, that's what you said."
"Orphans, Lily's mum's sports club... Point is, there are ladies out there who want a piece of that arse." He slapped Sirius on the bum. "Go forth and pretend, you know-" James waved his hand in the air - "that you might actually shag them."
Sirius pushed the curtain aside and peeked out. "They're old," he grumbled. "I wouldn't shag a hundred-year-old bloke, either."
"God, you don't have to actually shag them. Be charming, is all. Just not, you know, gay charming."
"Gay charming?"
"What? I think you're brilliant, you know that, but those old birds aren't used to... you. Don't cause a scandal; I promised Lily's mum my lads would behave."
"James Potter, trying to avoid a scandal? Oh, the shame! In fact, I'm revoking your Marauder privileges." Sirius sank back against the wall, both hands sitting low on his hips.
James angled his head. "What did you say?"
"You fucking heard me. Revoked. The old Prongs would be dressing me in hot pants and a boa for this."
"Yeah, but Lily's mum-"
Sirius sauntered forward. "Fuck Lily's mum," he whispered. "I think I'd rather prove that gay charming is just what those birds need. And you, too."
"Sirius Black, on in five!"
James jabbed Sirius in the chest. "You miserable fucking wanker. If you're thinking you can go out there and pull your cock out, I'm going to hex you up the arse so hard you won't sit down for a fucking month, and not in the good way."
"I wasn't going to go out there and pull my cock out," said Sirius, reaching for his belt. "What do you take me for?" He unzipped and slid a hand into his trousers.
"No," said James, his eyes wide.
"Four minutes. The old Prongs would have."
"The old- fuck!" James's eyes darted to each side before he shook his head angrily, yanking his own trousers open and pushing Sirius into a corner. "You fucking cunt. Not again."
Sirius grinned, leaning in to lick at James's ear. "Don't really want to be thinking about cunts right now," he breathed. "Two minutes." His arm jerked erratically as he watched the sheen form on James's brow. "You don't come? I don't go out there."
Oh, that did it. James Potter never stood down from a dare, a challenge or an ultimatum.
"Fuck," he breathed again, his fist pumping angrily and his jaw brushing Sirius's cheek. "Fuck, fuck-"
"Sirius Black! One minute! Jesus, where is he?" a voice called loudly before dropping to an irritated mutter.
"One minute," he whispered in James's ear. "One more minute, my brilliant, straight little slut. Come on, just like that. Fuck yes. Be queer for me, just for a minute." He murmured a string of filth, biting down a grin at James's reaction. "God, I would fuck you so hard. I would fucking tie you up and make you come and fuck you, and you'd-"
James sucked in a breath and swallowed a groan, his elbow stilling and his eyes snapping shut. Sirius watched him for exactly two spare seconds before he followed, clenching his fist around a messy release.
His bottom lip sprang free from his teeth and he took a deep breath, muttering a few wandless charms and zipping his trousers. He smoothed his suit down and strolled over to the stage curtain. Before pushing it open, he glanced back at James and found him gazing after him, slumped against the wall with a lazy grin.
"I hate you," mouthed James as Sirius's name was announced, and Sirius sauntered onstage to rousing applause, flashing the old ladies a winning smile.
Fin
Poll
Author: snegurochka_lee
Characters: James/Sirius
Summary: "Come on, Padfoot, don't cause a scandal. I promised Lily's mum my lads would behave."
Rating: hard R
Warnings: None!
Notes: I dare you, Ms Rowling. Come on, do it this way. I dare you. :) Also, 800 words exactly, whee!
"Get your hand off your hip. It's too gay."
"It's not gay; it's comfortable. Fuck off."
"It's the gayest thing I've ever fucking seen." James squinted, reaching forward. "And your hair's gay, too. God, what the fuck?"
Sirius jerked away. "Fuck off." He turned to the side. "How's my suit?"
James shook the gel off his fingers and appraised Sirius, leaning back into the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. "Gay."
"That's it." Sirius threw his hands up, stalking away. "You can take your bloody charity and shove it up your-"
"Get the fuck back here! You're on in ten minutes, you tit, right after Frank and Peter. It's full moon, and I haven't got anybody else."
"You should have thought of that before you insulted me."
"I insult you all the time! Padfoot." James drew out the name in a child's whine, stamping his feet. "Think of all those rich ladies out there, just waiting to fight over you, throwing money at your feet."
"You said I don't get any money. Got to do it out of the goodness of my heart. Do it for the orphans, that's what you said."
"Orphans, Lily's mum's sports club... Point is, there are ladies out there who want a piece of that arse." He slapped Sirius on the bum. "Go forth and pretend, you know-" James waved his hand in the air - "that you might actually shag them."
Sirius pushed the curtain aside and peeked out. "They're old," he grumbled. "I wouldn't shag a hundred-year-old bloke, either."
"God, you don't have to actually shag them. Be charming, is all. Just not, you know, gay charming."
"Gay charming?"
"What? I think you're brilliant, you know that, but those old birds aren't used to... you. Don't cause a scandal; I promised Lily's mum my lads would behave."
"James Potter, trying to avoid a scandal? Oh, the shame! In fact, I'm revoking your Marauder privileges." Sirius sank back against the wall, both hands sitting low on his hips.
James angled his head. "What did you say?"
"You fucking heard me. Revoked. The old Prongs would be dressing me in hot pants and a boa for this."
"Yeah, but Lily's mum-"
Sirius sauntered forward. "Fuck Lily's mum," he whispered. "I think I'd rather prove that gay charming is just what those birds need. And you, too."
"Sirius Black, on in five!"
James jabbed Sirius in the chest. "You miserable fucking wanker. If you're thinking you can go out there and pull your cock out, I'm going to hex you up the arse so hard you won't sit down for a fucking month, and not in the good way."
"I wasn't going to go out there and pull my cock out," said Sirius, reaching for his belt. "What do you take me for?" He unzipped and slid a hand into his trousers.
"No," said James, his eyes wide.
"Four minutes. The old Prongs would have."
"The old- fuck!" James's eyes darted to each side before he shook his head angrily, yanking his own trousers open and pushing Sirius into a corner. "You fucking cunt. Not again."
Sirius grinned, leaning in to lick at James's ear. "Don't really want to be thinking about cunts right now," he breathed. "Two minutes." His arm jerked erratically as he watched the sheen form on James's brow. "You don't come? I don't go out there."
Oh, that did it. James Potter never stood down from a dare, a challenge or an ultimatum.
"Fuck," he breathed again, his fist pumping angrily and his jaw brushing Sirius's cheek. "Fuck, fuck-"
"Sirius Black! One minute! Jesus, where is he?" a voice called loudly before dropping to an irritated mutter.
"One minute," he whispered in James's ear. "One more minute, my brilliant, straight little slut. Come on, just like that. Fuck yes. Be queer for me, just for a minute." He murmured a string of filth, biting down a grin at James's reaction. "God, I would fuck you so hard. I would fucking tie you up and make you come and fuck you, and you'd-"
James sucked in a breath and swallowed a groan, his elbow stilling and his eyes snapping shut. Sirius watched him for exactly two spare seconds before he followed, clenching his fist around a messy release.
His bottom lip sprang free from his teeth and he took a deep breath, muttering a few wandless charms and zipping his trousers. He smoothed his suit down and strolled over to the stage curtain. Before pushing it open, he glanced back at James and found him gazing after him, slumped against the wall with a lazy grin.
"I hate you," mouthed James as Sirius's name was announced, and Sirius sauntered onstage to rousing applause, flashing the old ladies a winning smile.
Fin
Poll