slight personal reflection
i have problems . . . . but who doesn't?
i have problems saving money, and that drives me nuts. i wanna save money, so i can have LOTS of money . . . but, by having this money, there are things, material objects that i want to have . . . so there goes my money (granted, sometimes i get deals, like from Kacee, who's awesome) . . . but, i want money. -_-
hence the cause for my stealing addiction . . . which i should stop doing, granted i've never been caught, but there in lies another thought.
serial killers continue doing the things they enjoy doing, and eventually will think as a megalomaniac and consider themselves as uncatchable, will get sloppy or stupid and will get caught.
so, if i start thinking along the lines of "pssh, i haven't gotten caught and i won't, i'm too good" then i'll get sloppy and stupid and will get caught. that would cause a lot of problems.
but that doesn't change, that i want money . . .
then there's my vanity. ugh, i don't even wanna get into that subject, but at the same time i think i've been needing to vent about it . . . but it's so two sided, like an argument, and i don't wanna get into it.
mike . . . i love him . . . but o gawd do i need to flip out and vent and break down about all those little things that irritate me and that, even when i talk about these things, they still grow larger and larger and larger until i feel overwhelmed . . .
ya know what my biggest problem is?
i never want to make people feel guilty for being who they are . . . cause i know that feeling. mike and other people don't like my short patience and my aggressive nature, but i try to explain it's how i am, how i think . . . but that's not good enough. i need to change it. no, they've never said i need to change it, but people don't need to say things, they just get pissy back and then look at you funny for a couple days . . . (also, i try to warn people about my period so they'll know i'm going to be REALLY touchy, and suddenly telling people that is just using it as an excuse . . .)
yes. i'm a bitch. i can completely contradict myself in less then 5 sentences. i can confuse myself by saying one thing one day, and something else the next.
but, this is how i am. if i feel chipper one day, and then pissed the next, my feelings for things aren't the same . . .
i didn't hate my job last night.
i did the other week . . .
so, i'm a weird person. i'm contradictory . . . i'm bitchy . . . i have a short patience and sometimes a short attention span . . . i'm sporadic and random and akward. i can be nice, i can be sweet and caring and affectionate . . .
i can be all that in one day.
why is it that i want to scream that???
i want to scream that because everyone in the world wants to be accepted . . . as they are, and not have to change for other people.
why is that so hard for humans to do?
is it due to having read fairy tales, where handsome princes are sweet and courages and beautiful princesses are sweet and sit back on the side lines??
fairy tales don't come true . . . there is no prince charming, no snow white . . .
'eh
life can suck
life can be beautiful
love can suck
love can be beautiful
but, i'm still in a good mood. ^_^
i think i'm gonna go nap before work . . . though, work sucks, no matter what. LOL
love y'all
i have problems saving money, and that drives me nuts. i wanna save money, so i can have LOTS of money . . . but, by having this money, there are things, material objects that i want to have . . . so there goes my money (granted, sometimes i get deals, like from Kacee, who's awesome) . . . but, i want money. -_-
hence the cause for my stealing addiction . . . which i should stop doing, granted i've never been caught, but there in lies another thought.
serial killers continue doing the things they enjoy doing, and eventually will think as a megalomaniac and consider themselves as uncatchable, will get sloppy or stupid and will get caught.
so, if i start thinking along the lines of "pssh, i haven't gotten caught and i won't, i'm too good" then i'll get sloppy and stupid and will get caught. that would cause a lot of problems.
but that doesn't change, that i want money . . .
then there's my vanity. ugh, i don't even wanna get into that subject, but at the same time i think i've been needing to vent about it . . . but it's so two sided, like an argument, and i don't wanna get into it.
mike . . . i love him . . . but o gawd do i need to flip out and vent and break down about all those little things that irritate me and that, even when i talk about these things, they still grow larger and larger and larger until i feel overwhelmed . . .
ya know what my biggest problem is?
i never want to make people feel guilty for being who they are . . . cause i know that feeling. mike and other people don't like my short patience and my aggressive nature, but i try to explain it's how i am, how i think . . . but that's not good enough. i need to change it. no, they've never said i need to change it, but people don't need to say things, they just get pissy back and then look at you funny for a couple days . . . (also, i try to warn people about my period so they'll know i'm going to be REALLY touchy, and suddenly telling people that is just using it as an excuse . . .)
yes. i'm a bitch. i can completely contradict myself in less then 5 sentences. i can confuse myself by saying one thing one day, and something else the next.
but, this is how i am. if i feel chipper one day, and then pissed the next, my feelings for things aren't the same . . .
i didn't hate my job last night.
i did the other week . . .
so, i'm a weird person. i'm contradictory . . . i'm bitchy . . . i have a short patience and sometimes a short attention span . . . i'm sporadic and random and akward. i can be nice, i can be sweet and caring and affectionate . . .
i can be all that in one day.
why is it that i want to scream that???
i want to scream that because everyone in the world wants to be accepted . . . as they are, and not have to change for other people.
why is that so hard for humans to do?
is it due to having read fairy tales, where handsome princes are sweet and courages and beautiful princesses are sweet and sit back on the side lines??
fairy tales don't come true . . . there is no prince charming, no snow white . . .
'eh
life can suck
life can be beautiful
love can suck
love can be beautiful
but, i'm still in a good mood. ^_^
i think i'm gonna go nap before work . . . though, work sucks, no matter what. LOL
love y'all