i love heart you Tim
why is that when everything is going perfect.. something happens and it feels like my life is crumbling down. Tim shoudlnt of died.. he should be here with us.. none of this should of happened. God I remeber everything so well..
I was writing my essays for my FSU application when Andrew called..no hello just screaming "where you with tim" "did you go to his game".. and all i could do was say no.. I didnt.. I changed my mind at the last minute and didnt go with Tim to his game. I had one of those weird feelings like it just wasnt the thing to do that night and because of rain coming I called him right before i would of left to go meet him for him to drive me over. I went out to dinner with my mom instead. we passed the wreck on our way home.. it had just happened.. we waited in traffic for 10 min to get around it and all i remember was having one of those sickening feelings like something was wrong.. but i coudlnt tell what type of vehicle was under teh blue tarp.. so i had no idea that it was my Tim. After aruging with Andrew about it not be true and screaming a few curse words .. i finally realized that it was true and i threw my phone and ran downstairs to my mom... I started shaking and crying hysterically. We had to make sure so tons and tons of phone calls of not sures stephie finally called me back and all she did was scream at the top of her lungs that it was Tim. I recieved tons and tons of phone calls all night of people who knew I was supposed to be with him. It was a nightmare... we couldnt get ahold of my dad (he had flown to minnesota that day and wasnt in yet) and all I could think was call stephen. i paged him and then I called his house and he answered.. crying.. is brother had just come home and told him... we both just sat tehre on the phone in disbelief. Finally thoguh after hours my dad called and he was upset and told me that my guardian angel was looking out for me and how happy he was that i was okay but how sad he was that Tim had died. Amy and Talia stayed at my house.. after a while of crying we finally sat down and watch monsters inc.. though Amy and Talia were asleep after like 20 minutes.. I couldnt sleep.. it was like 145 when I finally took some tylenol pm to get myself asleep.. but I still couldnt.. I was wide awake. So I went upstairs just started writing things about what happened and stuff.. and I finally fell asleep around 4.. I woke up around 930 when my dad called my cell to check on me and then stephie called so i went over to her house from like 11 til about 3. I stayed voer there to keep her company because she was all by herself and crying. WE all decided on going to Zaina's (her mom was cooking dinner for all of the youth).. it was good we were all able to get together. I picked up Stephie at her office.. she was making a copy of the letter Tim wrote me, her, andrew, and pual just the sunday before he died. And then me and her went to pick up stephen and brad. We stayed at Zainas for along time.. just all talking and goofing around and thinking about all the good times we had with Tim and everything that he did to make us smile.
TIm was my second dad... he looked out for me...he told me if he liked the guy i was dating and was always there to listen when i was upset or just need to talk. I had known tim since the end of 8th grade beg. of 9th grade... some about 4 to 5 years... and NEVER once had he ever done anything mean. He was the nicest sweetest guy youll ever meet. All he ever wanted was to make you laugh and put a smile on your face. And he did it well. I remember on my way to go meet Stephie before we went to Zaina's... I was driving adn I started to think of Tim and started to cry and out of no where (it was sunny all day) it just started to rain over my car.. and then i calmed down adn it stopped. And wehn I was at my house I could just feel soemthing... i knew he was around me watching out for me.. taking care of me.. because he IS my second dad. I'm gonna miss Tim so much.. every inch of my body is aching right now.. im hurting and theres nothing that change about it.. I lost someone very close to me.. he was the last person that anyone thought would die... but its okay.. b/c i know he went to heaven.. i just know..
I'm still trying to figure everything out.. i dont understand the reason that God took him away from us.. I dont understand why I didnt go.. I dont understand why ... anything.. Everytime I read the letter Tim wrote me I cry.. it so weird.. it was like he knew he was going to die. LIke I put in talia's livejournal.. "what if" ... what if I was with him.. i could of been hurt or even killed.. but even then tim wouldnt of had to go to heaven by himself. he could walk with me and hold my hand the whole way. or maybe i could of told him to slow down and be careful b/c it was raining and not to be in sucha hurry.. then maybe none of this would of even happened. But honestly.. ill never know what if.. all i know is i broke my last promise to tim that night. i promised him that i would go to his game.. and i didnt.. i changed my mind.. and i dont think ill ever let that go... all i can think is that I was atleast able to tell him how much i love him and how much i care about him before he died.
God Tim.. I'm going to miss you so much.. You'll always be in my dreams and prayers.. just every now and then give me a sign so I know that youre listening :) Love you sweetie.
I was writing my essays for my FSU application when Andrew called..no hello just screaming "where you with tim" "did you go to his game".. and all i could do was say no.. I didnt.. I changed my mind at the last minute and didnt go with Tim to his game. I had one of those weird feelings like it just wasnt the thing to do that night and because of rain coming I called him right before i would of left to go meet him for him to drive me over. I went out to dinner with my mom instead. we passed the wreck on our way home.. it had just happened.. we waited in traffic for 10 min to get around it and all i remember was having one of those sickening feelings like something was wrong.. but i coudlnt tell what type of vehicle was under teh blue tarp.. so i had no idea that it was my Tim. After aruging with Andrew about it not be true and screaming a few curse words .. i finally realized that it was true and i threw my phone and ran downstairs to my mom... I started shaking and crying hysterically. We had to make sure so tons and tons of phone calls of not sures stephie finally called me back and all she did was scream at the top of her lungs that it was Tim. I recieved tons and tons of phone calls all night of people who knew I was supposed to be with him. It was a nightmare... we couldnt get ahold of my dad (he had flown to minnesota that day and wasnt in yet) and all I could think was call stephen. i paged him and then I called his house and he answered.. crying.. is brother had just come home and told him... we both just sat tehre on the phone in disbelief. Finally thoguh after hours my dad called and he was upset and told me that my guardian angel was looking out for me and how happy he was that i was okay but how sad he was that Tim had died. Amy and Talia stayed at my house.. after a while of crying we finally sat down and watch monsters inc.. though Amy and Talia were asleep after like 20 minutes.. I couldnt sleep.. it was like 145 when I finally took some tylenol pm to get myself asleep.. but I still couldnt.. I was wide awake. So I went upstairs just started writing things about what happened and stuff.. and I finally fell asleep around 4.. I woke up around 930 when my dad called my cell to check on me and then stephie called so i went over to her house from like 11 til about 3. I stayed voer there to keep her company because she was all by herself and crying. WE all decided on going to Zaina's (her mom was cooking dinner for all of the youth).. it was good we were all able to get together. I picked up Stephie at her office.. she was making a copy of the letter Tim wrote me, her, andrew, and pual just the sunday before he died. And then me and her went to pick up stephen and brad. We stayed at Zainas for along time.. just all talking and goofing around and thinking about all the good times we had with Tim and everything that he did to make us smile.
TIm was my second dad... he looked out for me...he told me if he liked the guy i was dating and was always there to listen when i was upset or just need to talk. I had known tim since the end of 8th grade beg. of 9th grade... some about 4 to 5 years... and NEVER once had he ever done anything mean. He was the nicest sweetest guy youll ever meet. All he ever wanted was to make you laugh and put a smile on your face. And he did it well. I remember on my way to go meet Stephie before we went to Zaina's... I was driving adn I started to think of Tim and started to cry and out of no where (it was sunny all day) it just started to rain over my car.. and then i calmed down adn it stopped. And wehn I was at my house I could just feel soemthing... i knew he was around me watching out for me.. taking care of me.. because he IS my second dad. I'm gonna miss Tim so much.. every inch of my body is aching right now.. im hurting and theres nothing that change about it.. I lost someone very close to me.. he was the last person that anyone thought would die... but its okay.. b/c i know he went to heaven.. i just know..
I'm still trying to figure everything out.. i dont understand the reason that God took him away from us.. I dont understand why I didnt go.. I dont understand why ... anything.. Everytime I read the letter Tim wrote me I cry.. it so weird.. it was like he knew he was going to die. LIke I put in talia's livejournal.. "what if" ... what if I was with him.. i could of been hurt or even killed.. but even then tim wouldnt of had to go to heaven by himself. he could walk with me and hold my hand the whole way. or maybe i could of told him to slow down and be careful b/c it was raining and not to be in sucha hurry.. then maybe none of this would of even happened. But honestly.. ill never know what if.. all i know is i broke my last promise to tim that night. i promised him that i would go to his game.. and i didnt.. i changed my mind.. and i dont think ill ever let that go... all i can think is that I was atleast able to tell him how much i love him and how much i care about him before he died.
God Tim.. I'm going to miss you so much.. You'll always be in my dreams and prayers.. just every now and then give me a sign so I know that youre listening :) Love you sweetie.