Whispers and Promises IX
Title: Whispers and Promises IX
Author: 79_percent
Rating: PG-13
Form: Chaptered
Fandom: TVXQ
Pairing: JaeHo
Genre: Drama, Fluff, Angst
Whispers and Promises
IX. And Then There Was You
He sat at the edge of his bed, facing the large span of blue ocean through the glass door leading to the veranda. For once, his room was quiet; it was empty save for himself. His other three companions had left his humble abode soon after he told them he needed some space and time to think. Alone. He knew they were disappointed because of his refusal, and he knew they were worried sick since he was acting all weird, but YunHo felt the strong desire to be left unaccompanied, to find a truce with himself regarding the happenings in the past week.
He never told YooChun, JunSu or ChangMin about JaeJoong. This JaeJoong; the only person he managed to befriend on this small island, the one who gave him immense help even when the person in question did not realise it, the only one with whom he felt he could bare his soul to with utmost honesty for the past week and felt no qualm about it.
When JunSu asked about the photograph he found inside the box, when he pointed to the two very familiar figures and asked when that was taken as it looked very old, YunHo only dismissed the query with a small, wan smile. He told the curious, yet befuddled blonde, that it was not him. And the other was not JaeJoong. At least, not the JaeJoong that they knew. Both figures in the picture just happen to have uncanny similarities in their features.
YunHo stared at the same photograph. He felt his heart twist, he felt his heart ache even at the remembrance, but he could not seem to muster the will in him to tear. Fingering the smiling faces, memorising the half-faded image on the smooth, aged paper, YunHo let his thoughts run, immediately wrapping itself around the distinct impression of his absent friend.
He was not sure if all he did was to speculate, he was not sure if what he saw back in the sacred lagoon was just an illusion since YooChun and ChangMin claimed they see nothing but rocks and boulders under water. But somehow, he felt that everything was too real and vivid to be just a delusion from his perplexed mind. JaeJoong was way more existent than an inconsistent flight of fancy, he knew of that for certain.
He buried his face in his hands, the photograph still within his gentle grasp. He wished. He wished hard with all his might that JaeJoong would reappear before him. That JaeJoong would come back to him, telling him that everything was only his speculation. He wished that JaeJoong would give him an impish smile, then telling him that this was only a dream, a mirage that he had conjured up. That his raven-haired friend was not a wandering spirit like he had hypothesised; that JaeJoong indeed existed in the same time era as he was.
JaeJoong’s name ran through his mind repeatedly like a mantra, his intellect chanted the same name like a broken radio. Somehow, he wished that if he called him hard enough, vehement enough, Lord would grant him his wish.
And JaeJoong would reappear before him.
Just when YunHo felt his sanity wavering at the brink of demise, just as he was tittering along the fine line between common sense and sensibility, he felt, rather than heard, the glass door before him open. In a strange, twisted way, he was not surprised when he saw no one in his field of vision; somehow his heart was prepared for that, he was expecting that. He then felt a gentle breeze of summer wind, bringing the faint scent of the sea into his room, lifting the light, translucent material of the white curtains off the wooden floor, sweeping him off his feet.
His eyes saw nothing, his eyes saw no physical embodiment of any individual, and yet his heart looked directly at JaeJoong. At those liquid hazel eyes that shone against the moonlight. At those well-sculpted features of the fair face that he had memorised. His eyes saw no one, but he knew of JaeJoong’s presence.
He was there. He came back.
It seemed like YunHo was staring blankly into space but deep in their world, he was gazing back at JaeJoong. He licked his lips, feeling its sudden dryness, willing words to return to him, wanting to say something. When he was placed under that disheartening look in those chestnut brown eyes, however, YunHo could only bit his lower lip to stop the quiver.
“Jae- JaeJoong...” He started in a whisper, hoping the wind would carry his words to the other’s ears. He looked at his friend intently, not knowing exactly what to say considering how chaotic his mind was there and then. He did not know what to articulate, and yet he felt the need to say something. Anything. To lift the load off his heart.
“Why?” He finally managed, his voice choking; never once his eyes left the other. “You told me it isn’t nice to throw away your own life... So- Wh- Why?”
“I’m sorry…”
Following the voice he knew so well, he felt JaeJoong glide silently across the wooden flooring, closing the slight distance between them and almost immediately, he felt himself being hugged. A pair of arms covered his body in a loose hold, embracing his heart; the soothing sensation that was distinctly JaeJoong engulfed him in an upsurge of nostalgia.
“I’m sorry... I- I just can’t live without him...”
For the first time after their encounter, he noticed JaeJoong using a pronoun to describe his Estelle.
“When he left for Seoul, he never came back like he promised. I was too heart-broken to carry on with my life...”
Slowly, JaeJoong revealed his side of the story.
“I was too stubborn to understand... I didn’t have the courage to face life alone. If only I knew you back then... I might have gotten back the will to go on living.”
The soft voice wafted from the back of his head. YunHo was speechless as he felt JaeJoong in his arms, not knowing how to respond at the revelation. If only he was there when JaeJoong needed him; if only he was born much earlier; if only they were from the same time period; if only...
The deafening sound of his door being opened startled him, making him turn only to see three familiar figures belonging to his friends falling on the ground, one on top of the other. Judging from their tangled position on the floor, they looked like they had been spying from the small crevice. Out of sheer concern and worry. He had wanted to run over and help the trio, he had wanted to confront them if they were indeed spying, but when all his concerns settled themselves in a comprehensive hierarchy, YunHo realised that his top-most priority was to get back to JaeJoong.
When he looked back to the glass door that was left ajar, he still saw the feather-like edges of the curtain being lifted off the ground by the night breeze, the blue ocean still in its reigning calmness. But despite the consistent surroundings, YunHo felt something missing. From that slight interruption, he felt JaeJoong’s presence vanish abruptly. He left his bed, making his way to the veranda hastily, wanting to catch one last glimpse of his friend but all he could see was the wide span of sapphire.
“YunHo...”
YunHo looked down at the faded photograph still in his grasp. The picture discoloured, yet the memory remained unsullied in his heart.
“YunHo-yah...”
At the back side of the picture, small scribbling began to appear slowly; the ink seemed fresh, like it was written right there and then.
“There’s no future for us, but there still is for you. And your Estelle. Fight for your love, YunHo. Fight for him... And love life for me too.”
That instant the last word appeared before his eyes, he saw the ink blur when liquid began to drop. His search would have to stop. He did not need anymore evidence. The lingering warmth around his trembling form and the dampness on his shoulder were proof enough. His friend had wept; for him, for himself.
“Thank you...”
He knew for sure, somehow, that this time, JaeJoong had left him for good.
“You sure it’s okay?”
“We need to check on him.” YooChun hissed, resuming his pacing outside the door. “You saw how weird he was yesterday. We need to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”
“Like?” JunSu butted in.
“Jumping to the sea.”
At the assertion, the trio felt the sudden urge to ensure that the oldest of them all was indeed safe and sound inside his room.
“Hyung,” ChangMin called, a hint of urgency tinted his words. “The door’s not locked!”
“Ah really?”
YooChun quietly pushed the wooden door open, entering the room only to find it empty. The bed was unoccupied and had been made, the glass door towards the balcony was left open, the curtain dancing with the gentle breeze.
“He’s gone!” JunSu began to panic, running around in circles.
“Damn, we should have checked on him earlier!” YooChun followed suit, his anxiety got the better of him. “Where could he be?”
“He won’t be taken by the ghost, will he, YooChun?”
YooChun raised one eyebrow.
“You know how he kept saying about this imaginary person?” JunSu shuddered at the thought. “It might just be the evil ghost that haunted the lagoon!”
“Yah, yah, yah,” YooChun protested, swatting the other’s hand. “Don’t scare me like that!”
“But- But- What if-“
“Hyung-deul, YunHo-hyung left a note.”
The bickering duo immediately stopped and crossed the room to join ChangMin by the nightstand.
“I’m sorry I made you guys fret. I’m going home,” ChangMin read. “I’ll be back soon, and I’ll bring help.”
The trio exchanged a confused look.
“Help?”
For a moment they looked bewildered, but a few seconds later, when realisation dawned on them simultaneously, they cried in unison.
“JaeJoong (-hyung)!”
He stood along the almost deserted lane by the lamppost, looking up at the window he knew all too well. Feeling the sudden wave of reminiscence, YunHo resisted the urge to pick up small stones and threw them at the glass surface like he used to do in the past. Instead, he fished his phone from his pocket and dialled a number he had memorised by heart.
It took him three rings and a half before the person on the other line picked up his call.
[Yo- Yoboseyo?]
He felt himself smile at the familiar voice he missed.
[Yoboseyo?]
“JaeJoong-ah...” He started, hearing a gasp from the other line. “It’s me...”
[Yun- YunHo!! Where are you? Are you alright? You didn’t call for so long I’m so worried. I can’t even get through your phone. What happened to you? Are you okay?]
YunHo felt the load on his shoulder lightening when he heard his JaeJoong fussing over himself on the other line. The other JaeJoong who had left his life told him that he was still loved by his other half; for a moment back then, he was sceptical.
[YunHo-yah... I’m sorry. I’m sorry...] The soft voice choked. [I shouldn’t have said all those things. I was just upset that you didn’t believe me when I said she was just my cousin.]
“I know...” He replied, his voice as soft as he kept his gaze on the window, taking in the bright azure at the same time. “I shouldn’t have said all those things too. I didn’t mean to hurt you, JaeJoong. I’m sorry... I was just jealous.”
[No, YunHo-yah, I shouldn’t be so stubborn... I-]
“JaeJoong-ah,” he called gently, immediately cutting the ramble from the sniffling boy on the other line. “Look out of your window.”
[Win- Window?]
The window pane that he had been watching intently slide open to reveal a very familiar figure; only this time, instead of onyx black, the hair was chestnut brown that shone against the sun, the skin more tanned, and the features more defined than the effeminate characteristics he was used to seeing the past week on that island.
They so look the same, he thought quietly; for once after his peculiar encounter he allowed himself to be honest. They look so painfully alike.
He heard the front door of the house open with a loud slam, before a brown-haired figure threw himself into his embrace; YunHo had to stagger a few steps backward to withstand the impact.
“YunHo-yah, I love you...” He heard JaeJoong whisper, the soft voice wafted from the back of his head.
"She still loves you." The other JaeJoong had told him. “Trust me.”
He knew he could. From all the reassurance that he was still loved by his other half, to the promise that the other would help him out of the trouble in the water, then to everything else his friend had said to him. From one small little thing to another... He knew he could.
I know, JaeJoong... Thank you...
He looked up at the sky, tightening the arms around the other’s slender waist.
“I love you, too...”
"Whispers and Promises"
Part IX
-end-
Previous chapters can be found here.
Author: 79_percent
Rating: PG-13
Form: Chaptered
Fandom: TVXQ
Pairing: JaeHo
Genre: Drama, Fluff, Angst
Whispers and Promises
IX. And Then There Was You
He sat at the edge of his bed, facing the large span of blue ocean through the glass door leading to the veranda. For once, his room was quiet; it was empty save for himself. His other three companions had left his humble abode soon after he told them he needed some space and time to think. Alone. He knew they were disappointed because of his refusal, and he knew they were worried sick since he was acting all weird, but YunHo felt the strong desire to be left unaccompanied, to find a truce with himself regarding the happenings in the past week.
He never told YooChun, JunSu or ChangMin about JaeJoong. This JaeJoong; the only person he managed to befriend on this small island, the one who gave him immense help even when the person in question did not realise it, the only one with whom he felt he could bare his soul to with utmost honesty for the past week and felt no qualm about it.
When JunSu asked about the photograph he found inside the box, when he pointed to the two very familiar figures and asked when that was taken as it looked very old, YunHo only dismissed the query with a small, wan smile. He told the curious, yet befuddled blonde, that it was not him. And the other was not JaeJoong. At least, not the JaeJoong that they knew. Both figures in the picture just happen to have uncanny similarities in their features.
YunHo stared at the same photograph. He felt his heart twist, he felt his heart ache even at the remembrance, but he could not seem to muster the will in him to tear. Fingering the smiling faces, memorising the half-faded image on the smooth, aged paper, YunHo let his thoughts run, immediately wrapping itself around the distinct impression of his absent friend.
He was not sure if all he did was to speculate, he was not sure if what he saw back in the sacred lagoon was just an illusion since YooChun and ChangMin claimed they see nothing but rocks and boulders under water. But somehow, he felt that everything was too real and vivid to be just a delusion from his perplexed mind. JaeJoong was way more existent than an inconsistent flight of fancy, he knew of that for certain.
He buried his face in his hands, the photograph still within his gentle grasp. He wished. He wished hard with all his might that JaeJoong would reappear before him. That JaeJoong would come back to him, telling him that everything was only his speculation. He wished that JaeJoong would give him an impish smile, then telling him that this was only a dream, a mirage that he had conjured up. That his raven-haired friend was not a wandering spirit like he had hypothesised; that JaeJoong indeed existed in the same time era as he was.
JaeJoong’s name ran through his mind repeatedly like a mantra, his intellect chanted the same name like a broken radio. Somehow, he wished that if he called him hard enough, vehement enough, Lord would grant him his wish.
And JaeJoong would reappear before him.
Just when YunHo felt his sanity wavering at the brink of demise, just as he was tittering along the fine line between common sense and sensibility, he felt, rather than heard, the glass door before him open. In a strange, twisted way, he was not surprised when he saw no one in his field of vision; somehow his heart was prepared for that, he was expecting that. He then felt a gentle breeze of summer wind, bringing the faint scent of the sea into his room, lifting the light, translucent material of the white curtains off the wooden floor, sweeping him off his feet.
His eyes saw nothing, his eyes saw no physical embodiment of any individual, and yet his heart looked directly at JaeJoong. At those liquid hazel eyes that shone against the moonlight. At those well-sculpted features of the fair face that he had memorised. His eyes saw no one, but he knew of JaeJoong’s presence.
He was there. He came back.
It seemed like YunHo was staring blankly into space but deep in their world, he was gazing back at JaeJoong. He licked his lips, feeling its sudden dryness, willing words to return to him, wanting to say something. When he was placed under that disheartening look in those chestnut brown eyes, however, YunHo could only bit his lower lip to stop the quiver.
“Jae- JaeJoong...” He started in a whisper, hoping the wind would carry his words to the other’s ears. He looked at his friend intently, not knowing exactly what to say considering how chaotic his mind was there and then. He did not know what to articulate, and yet he felt the need to say something. Anything. To lift the load off his heart.
“Why?” He finally managed, his voice choking; never once his eyes left the other. “You told me it isn’t nice to throw away your own life... So- Wh- Why?”
“I’m sorry…”
Following the voice he knew so well, he felt JaeJoong glide silently across the wooden flooring, closing the slight distance between them and almost immediately, he felt himself being hugged. A pair of arms covered his body in a loose hold, embracing his heart; the soothing sensation that was distinctly JaeJoong engulfed him in an upsurge of nostalgia.
“I’m sorry... I- I just can’t live without him...”
For the first time after their encounter, he noticed JaeJoong using a pronoun to describe his Estelle.
“When he left for Seoul, he never came back like he promised. I was too heart-broken to carry on with my life...”
Slowly, JaeJoong revealed his side of the story.
“I was too stubborn to understand... I didn’t have the courage to face life alone. If only I knew you back then... I might have gotten back the will to go on living.”
The soft voice wafted from the back of his head. YunHo was speechless as he felt JaeJoong in his arms, not knowing how to respond at the revelation. If only he was there when JaeJoong needed him; if only he was born much earlier; if only they were from the same time period; if only...
The deafening sound of his door being opened startled him, making him turn only to see three familiar figures belonging to his friends falling on the ground, one on top of the other. Judging from their tangled position on the floor, they looked like they had been spying from the small crevice. Out of sheer concern and worry. He had wanted to run over and help the trio, he had wanted to confront them if they were indeed spying, but when all his concerns settled themselves in a comprehensive hierarchy, YunHo realised that his top-most priority was to get back to JaeJoong.
When he looked back to the glass door that was left ajar, he still saw the feather-like edges of the curtain being lifted off the ground by the night breeze, the blue ocean still in its reigning calmness. But despite the consistent surroundings, YunHo felt something missing. From that slight interruption, he felt JaeJoong’s presence vanish abruptly. He left his bed, making his way to the veranda hastily, wanting to catch one last glimpse of his friend but all he could see was the wide span of sapphire.
“YunHo...”
YunHo looked down at the faded photograph still in his grasp. The picture discoloured, yet the memory remained unsullied in his heart.
“YunHo-yah...”
At the back side of the picture, small scribbling began to appear slowly; the ink seemed fresh, like it was written right there and then.
“There’s no future for us, but there still is for you. And your Estelle. Fight for your love, YunHo. Fight for him... And love life for me too.”
That instant the last word appeared before his eyes, he saw the ink blur when liquid began to drop. His search would have to stop. He did not need anymore evidence. The lingering warmth around his trembling form and the dampness on his shoulder were proof enough. His friend had wept; for him, for himself.
“Thank you...”
He knew for sure, somehow, that this time, JaeJoong had left him for good.
“You sure it’s okay?”
“We need to check on him.” YooChun hissed, resuming his pacing outside the door. “You saw how weird he was yesterday. We need to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”
“Like?” JunSu butted in.
“Jumping to the sea.”
At the assertion, the trio felt the sudden urge to ensure that the oldest of them all was indeed safe and sound inside his room.
“Hyung,” ChangMin called, a hint of urgency tinted his words. “The door’s not locked!”
“Ah really?”
YooChun quietly pushed the wooden door open, entering the room only to find it empty. The bed was unoccupied and had been made, the glass door towards the balcony was left open, the curtain dancing with the gentle breeze.
“He’s gone!” JunSu began to panic, running around in circles.
“Damn, we should have checked on him earlier!” YooChun followed suit, his anxiety got the better of him. “Where could he be?”
“He won’t be taken by the ghost, will he, YooChun?”
YooChun raised one eyebrow.
“You know how he kept saying about this imaginary person?” JunSu shuddered at the thought. “It might just be the evil ghost that haunted the lagoon!”
“Yah, yah, yah,” YooChun protested, swatting the other’s hand. “Don’t scare me like that!”
“But- But- What if-“
“Hyung-deul, YunHo-hyung left a note.”
The bickering duo immediately stopped and crossed the room to join ChangMin by the nightstand.
“I’m sorry I made you guys fret. I’m going home,” ChangMin read. “I’ll be back soon, and I’ll bring help.”
The trio exchanged a confused look.
“Help?”
For a moment they looked bewildered, but a few seconds later, when realisation dawned on them simultaneously, they cried in unison.
“JaeJoong (-hyung)!”
He stood along the almost deserted lane by the lamppost, looking up at the window he knew all too well. Feeling the sudden wave of reminiscence, YunHo resisted the urge to pick up small stones and threw them at the glass surface like he used to do in the past. Instead, he fished his phone from his pocket and dialled a number he had memorised by heart.
It took him three rings and a half before the person on the other line picked up his call.
[Yo- Yoboseyo?]
He felt himself smile at the familiar voice he missed.
[Yoboseyo?]
“JaeJoong-ah...” He started, hearing a gasp from the other line. “It’s me...”
[Yun- YunHo!! Where are you? Are you alright? You didn’t call for so long I’m so worried. I can’t even get through your phone. What happened to you? Are you okay?]
YunHo felt the load on his shoulder lightening when he heard his JaeJoong fussing over himself on the other line. The other JaeJoong who had left his life told him that he was still loved by his other half; for a moment back then, he was sceptical.
[YunHo-yah... I’m sorry. I’m sorry...] The soft voice choked. [I shouldn’t have said all those things. I was just upset that you didn’t believe me when I said she was just my cousin.]
“I know...” He replied, his voice as soft as he kept his gaze on the window, taking in the bright azure at the same time. “I shouldn’t have said all those things too. I didn’t mean to hurt you, JaeJoong. I’m sorry... I was just jealous.”
[No, YunHo-yah, I shouldn’t be so stubborn... I-]
“JaeJoong-ah,” he called gently, immediately cutting the ramble from the sniffling boy on the other line. “Look out of your window.”
[Win- Window?]
The window pane that he had been watching intently slide open to reveal a very familiar figure; only this time, instead of onyx black, the hair was chestnut brown that shone against the sun, the skin more tanned, and the features more defined than the effeminate characteristics he was used to seeing the past week on that island.
They so look the same, he thought quietly; for once after his peculiar encounter he allowed himself to be honest. They look so painfully alike.
He heard the front door of the house open with a loud slam, before a brown-haired figure threw himself into his embrace; YunHo had to stagger a few steps backward to withstand the impact.
“YunHo-yah, I love you...” He heard JaeJoong whisper, the soft voice wafted from the back of his head.
"She still loves you." The other JaeJoong had told him. “Trust me.”
He knew he could. From all the reassurance that he was still loved by his other half, to the promise that the other would help him out of the trouble in the water, then to everything else his friend had said to him. From one small little thing to another... He knew he could.
I know, JaeJoong... Thank you...
He looked up at the sky, tightening the arms around the other’s slender waist.
“I love you, too...”
"Whispers and Promises"
Part IX
-end-
Previous chapters can be found here.