Dean's Angel Chapter 12
Title: Dean's angel
Fandom: Supernatural
Beta'd by: lotrspnfangirl and Jdl71
Summary: Dean has always been special, Mary just didn't know how much. Dean was little when he died for the very first time and it changed his life forever. Being a hunter can be tricky. Being a hunter who sees dead people is even trickier. Especially when you don't know why you see them and you really don't want your family to find out about your capability.
Warning: (Highlight to see.)Characters death, it's supernatural what do you expect. It's either non-permanent, death that all ready happened on the show or minor original characters.
AN: Sorry for the wait! Again, this chapter is a little on the shorter side but at least it's something.
Like always thanks to both Jdl71and Lotrspnfangirl for reading this over and making it better. They are absolutely awesome. I don't know what I would do without them.
Hope you enjoy the chapter!
Chapter 12
April 15th, 2008
“So everything is going according to plan?” asked Zachariah as he observed the Winchester brothers. He’d been doing that more frequently lately. Ever since he took Castiel off the Winchester case, he’d had angel’s observing the Winchesters and running interference when ever Dean came across a soul that hadn’t moved on. For the last year, the only ghosts Dean had come across were the ones that other people noticed too. With all that was going on in his life, Dean seemed to have decided to worry about it later and instead, focused on everything that was going on in Sam’s life. Right now, the two brothers were busy going over all the information they had gathered so far on The Yellow Eyed Demon and all of his special children.
Every wall in the cramped hotel room was covered in newspaper clippings, notes scribbed on napkins and post-its, and photos. They’d pulled out every single thing that they’d been able to gather from their father ever since John learned the truth about what really happened to his wife.
Right now, Sam was nose deep in a book about demons while his brother was standing in front of the wall that had been dedicated to everything they knew about the demon. It wasn’t as crowded as the other walls -- this one holding mostly weather reports, other demonic signs, and random notes here and there. The wall probably had more notes with questions on them then actual facts. In some cases the paper notes just had big, red question marks on them. Zachariah couldn’t help but think, considering who they were tracking, they surprisingly had a lot of info. Azazel had always been good at covering his tracks.
Zachariah hated to admit it, but John Winchester had taught his sons well. Sam was phenomenal when it came to research and Dean could find patterns in pretty much anything if he set his mind to it.
Every once in a while, Dean’s eyes would glance over to the wall next to him where all the information they had on Azazel’s special children were, including Sam much to Dean’s annoyance.
He understood why Sam had insisted that he was up there, but Dean didn’t like it one bit. Ever since Dean confessed to Sam what their dad had told him, Sam had been convinced he could be evil. Their encounter with the Croatoan virus had not helped in the slightest at convincing him otherwise. Having his face up on that wall seemed to convince Sam even more that he was right. Dean thought it was kind of funny how none of the other children were destined to ‘become evil’ as Sam put it, all the others had a choice in the matter. Why Sam was determined to believe he wasn’t the same was beyond Dean.
The Demon’s wall wasn’t the only part of the room Dean didn’t like. Directly behind him was the wall with all the information about people that had died in the crossfire, including Jessica, their mom, and now their dad.
Dean hadn’t really gone near that wall other than when they created it and Sam handed him a stack of information about Jessica, telling him to hang it up. The only other time he’d gone near it was when he noticed that Sam was shying away from putting the most crucial information up on that wall. Dean hadn’t wasted any time before he wrote, ‘Demon Deal -- Sold his soul and the Colt’ in big letters and put it smack in the middle of the information they had about their dad.
“Which plan are you refer-” started Samandriel before quickly swallowing his words as he caught sight of the look on the other angel’s face. “Yes, sir. Everything is going as it should according to the new plan. We have found a way to distract Dean so he won’t make it in time to see Sam die and we’ve already arranged for Jessica to met up with Sam’s spirit to take him away. That way, Sam won’t be there to talk Dean out of making the deal. If we’re lucky, Dean pulling Sam away from Jessica might add more tension between the two of them so they will say ‘yes’ ahead of schedule.”
“Excellent. And plan B?” asked Zachariah as he looked back over to the Winchesters.
“If Jessica fails to distract Sam,” Samandriel started, his tone making it clear he didn’t think too highly about what plan B was, “we will have a team ready to take Dean before he reaches Sam. They will do everything in their power to fix whatever it is that makes Dean see the deceased,” he finished and Zachariah didn’t care what the other angel thought about the plan.
There was a moment of silence before Samandriel added, “But brother, you know how risky that plan is. We have no guarantee this will be successful since we don’t even know how his abilities work. We could break him beyond repair and make him useless to Michael! He may not be righteous enough after that to break the seal.”
“It’s a risk we have to take. If worse comes to worst, we will figure it out afterwards. For now, all that matters is that the first seal is broken and Dean Winchester is our best bet,” Zachariah said before dismissing Samandriel.
Alone, he looked over the older Winchester. A month from now, Dean Winchester would be rotting in Hell if everything continued to go according to plan. Zachariah was just about to leave when he noticed Sam looking up from his book, glancing between his brother and the wall with all the children with powers, deep in thought.
“I know I’m good looking and all, but do you have to keep staring at me?” asked Dean after feeling his brothers eyes on him for some time.
“Keep telling yourself that, Dean,” Sam shot back before taking a deep breath and lowering his voice, almost like he was talking to a scared animal. “Hey, Dean? Have you ever wondered where you fit into all of this?”
Zachariah had a feeling he knew where Sam was going with his question, but his fellow angels had never been able to connect Azazel to Dean directly. How was an insignificant little human going to figure something out that Heaven couldn’t?
Though, maybe it wouldn’t be worst thing in the universe if Sam Winchester could figure it out for them. Then Zachariah would finally have the answers to the questions that had been bugging him for the majority of Dean’s life.
“Where I fit --? What the hell are you talking about?” asked Dean, eyes snapping up to lock with his brother’s.
Zachariah wasn’t sure if Dean really was this clueless or if faking ignorance was really one of his strongest coping mechanisms. It was in times like this that Zachariah regretted cleansing Castiel’s mind of everything related to the Winchesters. After years of studying and watching over Dean, Castiel had been able to read Dean like an open book and knew exactly what was going on in that over-inflated head of his.
“Your ability to see dead people,” Sam shrugged as if it were obvious, “I mean, it can’t be a coincidence that you have powers too and you said your abilities haven’t been working quite like they used to. Didn’t that start around the time I got my powers?”
“Maybe your powers are just messing up mine. Apparently we’re only allotted a certain amount of awesomeness in the family at the same time, and being the awesome big brother I am, I decided to let you have a go. Aren’t I a good big brother?” said Dean with a fake smile before getting serious again. “Besides, I don’t fit the pattern. I’m four years older and I’ve had them for as long as I can remember. Yours seem connected to the demon somehow. Besides, there were no electrical storms in the area on my sixth month birthday. And before you ask, there weren’t any on the night I died either. I checked. Twice.”
“Well… maybe the demon found out how you got your abilities and used that on the rest of us!”
That is a interesting theory. thought Zachariah. As far as he knew, it was something that had never been considered. The angels knew what Azazel did to Sam. After all, three years after Dean’s death, the angels still had had the Winchester under 24/7 surveillance to try to figure out what was going on with Dean. But if Azazel had learned that giving children demon blood gave them special abilities from what happened to Dean, then that would raise an even bigger question: Who gave Dean demon blood? And better yet, why?
“Wait!” Dean demanded, shocked. His mouth gaped open a few times before he burst out, “So you’re saying this is all my fault?”
Realizing how that must have come across to his brother, Sam quickly tried to find another possibility. “No, no! That’s not what I meant! Maybe… I mean, maybe you were a test run?”
“And what? He came back to test you because my powers turned out so great?” Dean scoffed, voice dripping in sarcasm. “Lately I can’t even get them to work long enough to talk to the people I really want to!”
Zachariah didn’t need to be a genius to know who Dean was talking about. He turned his focus to the youngest Winchester, unnaturally eager to hear more of his theory.
Ignoring what his brother said, Sam thought aloud, “Maybe that’s why the demon agreed to make the deal to keep you alive-”
Before Sam could say anything else Dean cut him off, “Or maybe it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Dad being a bigger threat then I am. Or maybe the demon just really wanted the Colt. Hell, we don’t even know for sure that Dad made a deal with the demon in the first place.”
“Why can’t you at least consider that possibility before you throw it aside?” asked Sam.
“Because!” said Dean, before closing his eyes and talking a deep breath. “Because that would mean that Dad got screwed over in that deal way more than we originally thought. That would mean that the demon got everything>/i> he wanted and all Dad got was a one way ticket to Hell.”
“Dean,” started Sam, but before he got any further Dean cut him off again.
“You know what, I’m going to get something to eat. Want something?”
Before Sam could even answer, Dean grabbed the keys to the Impala and was out the door.
For the second time since he flew into the Winchester’s motel room, Zachariah regretted wiping Castiel’s memory. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by him that Dean didn’t mention what it might mean for himself if he really was one of Azazel’s children, just what it meant for their father. He didn’t know if that said more about Dean’s tendency to hide his feelings or his innate depreciation of his self worth, but Zachariah had the feeling it was the latter.
As Zachariah flew away, he couldn’t help but think that Hell wouldn’t have too much of a problem breaking their righteous man. He was pretty much broken already.
~Supernatural~
May 15th, 2008
Time slows down significantly when you die, at least that’s what it felt like to Sam. He remembers the moment the knife slid its way into his back, remembers it sliding in easy as if his tissue, sinew and bone were butter, but he doesn’t remember feeling it. He knew there were millions of scientific explanations for why it didn’t hurt, but as far as he was concerned there was only one reason why he didn’t feel it. Dean.
He wasn’t sure he would even have noticed the knife if it hadn’t been for the panicked look on Dean’s face. With all the ups and downs in their lives, he’d never seen it that bad before. He knew he must be hurt really bad for Dean to look like that. But even with that panicked look Sam never doubted that Dean would find a way to make it all better. Which was probably why it threw him when he found himself back at Stanford with Jessica standing right in front of him.
“Jessica?” asked Sam as he slowly moved closer to where she was standing.
“Hey, Sam. I missed you,” Jessica said with that big smile he loved so much.
“How- What’s going on?”
“I think you know, baby. It’s time to let go now and we can start enjoying eternity together.” She smiled at him softly, tears shining in her eyes, love displayed clear on her face. “Your mom is here somewhere. She wanted to come greet you, but only one of us could be here,” Jessica explained.
“So I’m dead?” asked Sam looking down at himself. After all he had done, could this really be it? It all felt so surreal.
“Yeah, baby. I am sorry,” said Jessica as she brought her hand to his face and brought him in for a kiss. God, he missed kissing her. “But on the bright side, now you can be with me. All you have to do is let go and take my hand.”
Sam felt his fingers twitch, but before he could lift his hand, he heard a voice calling his name.
”SAM! Wake up, come on man, don’t do his to me. Please.”
Sam could pick out the sound of his big brother’s voice anywhere. But where was it coming from? If it had been anyone else, it would have been really difficult to look away from Jessica after all this time, but this was his brother. He took a look around, trying to find out were Dean’s voice had come from. He wasn’t able to pinpoint it and as far as he could tell, he was the only one that could hear Dean.
It wasn’t hard to figure out that where ever he and Jessica were, it probably wasn’t corporeal and chances were that his body was still where Jake had stabbed him. And if Sam knew his brother correctly, and he did, Dean still hadn’t left his side. Turning back to Jessica, Sam said, “I- I can’t. Not yet. I have to go talk to my brother first. He’s all alone.”
“He’s not, Sam! Your friend Bobby is with him.” Jessica shook her head, reaching for Sam’s arm. “Don’t worry, Bobby will take care of your brother.”
Almost like she was trying to prove her point, Sam heard Bobby’s voice next. ”Dean, lets go son. It’s too late. There is nothing you can do.”
It made Sam feel better to know that Bobby was with Dean but… Sam really wanted to go see him at least one last time.
No, Bobby. There’s still time. I don’t see Sam anywhere, so he is not dead. We just need to stitch him up and, and-.” That did it for Sam, no matter what anyone said he was going to see his brother one more time or die trying. Okay, maybe it was too late for that, but that didn’t make Sam any less determined to get to his brother.
”Okay. Let’s just get him to your car and we can figure out where to go from there.”
“It’s not the same, Jess,” Sam whispered, closing his eyes to avoid the look of disappointment on Jess’ face. “Family is the most important thing in the world to Dean. He’s still a mess after losing Dad, and not being able to talk to him after his death messed him up even more. I can’t do that to him.”
“I understand, but you don’t need to go right now. Time moves differently here. At least stay with me for a little while?” asked Jessica with the same look she always wore when she wanted something, the same look Sam had never been able to resist.
Something told him he should go be with Dean but he couldn’t leave Jessica after missing her for so long. If time really did move differently, then he wouldn’t be away from Dean too long. Besides, Dean knew how much he missed Jessica. He would understand.
It could’ve just been this place but Sam felt totally at peace and having Jessica with him made him happier then he had been in a very, very long time. Soon it was like they’d never been apart at all. They had found the spot they’d met for the first time and Sam started telling her everything that had happened to him over the last two years.
Sam had gotten so worked up in filling Jessica in that he forgot what was really happening until he heard Dean’s voice again.
”You know, when we were little- and you couldn't been more than five- you just started asking questions. ‘How come we didn't have a mom? Why do we always have to move around? Where'd Dad go when he takes off for days at a time?’ I remember I begged you, ‘Quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't want to know.’”
Sam remembered that time; it had driven him crazy when Dean didn’t answer him. He used to think it was just Dean trying to keep things a secret because he was the baby of the family. Of course, when Sam finally got Dean to talk, Dean explained and was as honest as he could be. ‘Sometimes bad things happen to good people and they can’t be with us anymore. But Mom would be super proud of you, Sammy. We move so much because Dad has to help people, he helps them all over the country. Now stop asking, please.’
He’d never really thought about what it had been like for Dean.Thinking back to that time, Sam knew it had been extremely hard for Dean to answer those questions. Their mom’s death had always been a hard topic for Dean and besides, no nine year-old should’ve had to explain to their siblings why they don’t have a mother.
“I just wanted you to be a kid... Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you, to keep you safe... Dad didn't even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I had one job... I had one job… and I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that, I'm sorry.”
Dean paused, a strangled sound escaping and Sam’s heart clenched as he realized Dean was crying.
”I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down... and now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too.”
If Sam hadn’t been dead already it would have killed him to hear his brother say that. He’d always hated how much responsibility Dean had growing up, and even though Dean didn’t blame John, Sam did. John should have taken some of the responsibilities off of Dean’s shoulders, but instead he just added to them. What hurt Sam the most was that Dean thought he’d let Sam down. Nothing could be further from the truth. If anything, it was the other way around.
“How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy. God. What am I supposed to do? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!” Sam suddenly got the feeling his brother was about to do something really, really stupid if he didn’t stop him.
“Jess, I have to go to Dean right now.”
“Sam, you can’t go talk to him,” said Jessica softly. When she saw that Sam was about to object, she added, “Sam, I’m telling you, you can’t go talk to him. It doesn’t work like that.”
“I know that, but Dean’s special. You know that, you talked to him after you died!”
“Sam, you aren’t hearing me. You can’t. They won’t allow it.”
“They won’t- Who won’t allow it and why?” asked Sam, rising to his full height. He’d never done that before with Jessica, but she knew something and was trying to keep it from him. As much as he loved her, he was not about to let her keep him away from Dean, not after everything Dean had done for him.
“Look Sam. I’m sorry but-” started Jessica but Sam interrupted her right away.
“Why can’t I see my brother?”
“I don’t know. I just know he needs to do something and you can’t get in the way. It really is better this way. Trust me, Sam.”
“No. My brother is about to do something stupid, I can feel it! And I’m going to stop him. Goodbye, Jess.”
Somehow it didn’t surprise him to find his brother standing in the middle of a crossroad holding a box with everything he needed to summon a crossroad demon.
“Dean! Stop!”
“Sammy?”
Fandom: Supernatural
Beta'd by: lotrspnfangirl and Jdl71
Summary: Dean has always been special, Mary just didn't know how much. Dean was little when he died for the very first time and it changed his life forever. Being a hunter can be tricky. Being a hunter who sees dead people is even trickier. Especially when you don't know why you see them and you really don't want your family to find out about your capability.
Warning: (Highlight to see.)Characters death, it's supernatural what do you expect. It's either non-permanent, death that all ready happened on the show or minor original characters.
AN: Sorry for the wait! Again, this chapter is a little on the shorter side but at least it's something.
Like always thanks to both Jdl71and Lotrspnfangirl for reading this over and making it better. They are absolutely awesome. I don't know what I would do without them.
Hope you enjoy the chapter!
Chapter 12
April 15th, 2008
“So everything is going according to plan?” asked Zachariah as he observed the Winchester brothers. He’d been doing that more frequently lately. Ever since he took Castiel off the Winchester case, he’d had angel’s observing the Winchesters and running interference when ever Dean came across a soul that hadn’t moved on. For the last year, the only ghosts Dean had come across were the ones that other people noticed too. With all that was going on in his life, Dean seemed to have decided to worry about it later and instead, focused on everything that was going on in Sam’s life. Right now, the two brothers were busy going over all the information they had gathered so far on The Yellow Eyed Demon and all of his special children.
Every wall in the cramped hotel room was covered in newspaper clippings, notes scribbed on napkins and post-its, and photos. They’d pulled out every single thing that they’d been able to gather from their father ever since John learned the truth about what really happened to his wife.
Right now, Sam was nose deep in a book about demons while his brother was standing in front of the wall that had been dedicated to everything they knew about the demon. It wasn’t as crowded as the other walls -- this one holding mostly weather reports, other demonic signs, and random notes here and there. The wall probably had more notes with questions on them then actual facts. In some cases the paper notes just had big, red question marks on them. Zachariah couldn’t help but think, considering who they were tracking, they surprisingly had a lot of info. Azazel had always been good at covering his tracks.
Zachariah hated to admit it, but John Winchester had taught his sons well. Sam was phenomenal when it came to research and Dean could find patterns in pretty much anything if he set his mind to it.
Every once in a while, Dean’s eyes would glance over to the wall next to him where all the information they had on Azazel’s special children were, including Sam much to Dean’s annoyance.
He understood why Sam had insisted that he was up there, but Dean didn’t like it one bit. Ever since Dean confessed to Sam what their dad had told him, Sam had been convinced he could be evil. Their encounter with the Croatoan virus had not helped in the slightest at convincing him otherwise. Having his face up on that wall seemed to convince Sam even more that he was right. Dean thought it was kind of funny how none of the other children were destined to ‘become evil’ as Sam put it, all the others had a choice in the matter. Why Sam was determined to believe he wasn’t the same was beyond Dean.
The Demon’s wall wasn’t the only part of the room Dean didn’t like. Directly behind him was the wall with all the information about people that had died in the crossfire, including Jessica, their mom, and now their dad.
Dean hadn’t really gone near that wall other than when they created it and Sam handed him a stack of information about Jessica, telling him to hang it up. The only other time he’d gone near it was when he noticed that Sam was shying away from putting the most crucial information up on that wall. Dean hadn’t wasted any time before he wrote, ‘Demon Deal -- Sold his soul and the Colt’ in big letters and put it smack in the middle of the information they had about their dad.
“Which plan are you refer-” started Samandriel before quickly swallowing his words as he caught sight of the look on the other angel’s face. “Yes, sir. Everything is going as it should according to the new plan. We have found a way to distract Dean so he won’t make it in time to see Sam die and we’ve already arranged for Jessica to met up with Sam’s spirit to take him away. That way, Sam won’t be there to talk Dean out of making the deal. If we’re lucky, Dean pulling Sam away from Jessica might add more tension between the two of them so they will say ‘yes’ ahead of schedule.”
“Excellent. And plan B?” asked Zachariah as he looked back over to the Winchesters.
“If Jessica fails to distract Sam,” Samandriel started, his tone making it clear he didn’t think too highly about what plan B was, “we will have a team ready to take Dean before he reaches Sam. They will do everything in their power to fix whatever it is that makes Dean see the deceased,” he finished and Zachariah didn’t care what the other angel thought about the plan.
There was a moment of silence before Samandriel added, “But brother, you know how risky that plan is. We have no guarantee this will be successful since we don’t even know how his abilities work. We could break him beyond repair and make him useless to Michael! He may not be righteous enough after that to break the seal.”
“It’s a risk we have to take. If worse comes to worst, we will figure it out afterwards. For now, all that matters is that the first seal is broken and Dean Winchester is our best bet,” Zachariah said before dismissing Samandriel.
Alone, he looked over the older Winchester. A month from now, Dean Winchester would be rotting in Hell if everything continued to go according to plan. Zachariah was just about to leave when he noticed Sam looking up from his book, glancing between his brother and the wall with all the children with powers, deep in thought.
“I know I’m good looking and all, but do you have to keep staring at me?” asked Dean after feeling his brothers eyes on him for some time.
“Keep telling yourself that, Dean,” Sam shot back before taking a deep breath and lowering his voice, almost like he was talking to a scared animal. “Hey, Dean? Have you ever wondered where you fit into all of this?”
Zachariah had a feeling he knew where Sam was going with his question, but his fellow angels had never been able to connect Azazel to Dean directly. How was an insignificant little human going to figure something out that Heaven couldn’t?
Though, maybe it wouldn’t be worst thing in the universe if Sam Winchester could figure it out for them. Then Zachariah would finally have the answers to the questions that had been bugging him for the majority of Dean’s life.
“Where I fit --? What the hell are you talking about?” asked Dean, eyes snapping up to lock with his brother’s.
Zachariah wasn’t sure if Dean really was this clueless or if faking ignorance was really one of his strongest coping mechanisms. It was in times like this that Zachariah regretted cleansing Castiel’s mind of everything related to the Winchesters. After years of studying and watching over Dean, Castiel had been able to read Dean like an open book and knew exactly what was going on in that over-inflated head of his.
“Your ability to see dead people,” Sam shrugged as if it were obvious, “I mean, it can’t be a coincidence that you have powers too and you said your abilities haven’t been working quite like they used to. Didn’t that start around the time I got my powers?”
“Maybe your powers are just messing up mine. Apparently we’re only allotted a certain amount of awesomeness in the family at the same time, and being the awesome big brother I am, I decided to let you have a go. Aren’t I a good big brother?” said Dean with a fake smile before getting serious again. “Besides, I don’t fit the pattern. I’m four years older and I’ve had them for as long as I can remember. Yours seem connected to the demon somehow. Besides, there were no electrical storms in the area on my sixth month birthday. And before you ask, there weren’t any on the night I died either. I checked. Twice.”
“Well… maybe the demon found out how you got your abilities and used that on the rest of us!”
That is a interesting theory. thought Zachariah. As far as he knew, it was something that had never been considered. The angels knew what Azazel did to Sam. After all, three years after Dean’s death, the angels still had had the Winchester under 24/7 surveillance to try to figure out what was going on with Dean. But if Azazel had learned that giving children demon blood gave them special abilities from what happened to Dean, then that would raise an even bigger question: Who gave Dean demon blood? And better yet, why?
“Wait!” Dean demanded, shocked. His mouth gaped open a few times before he burst out, “So you’re saying this is all my fault?”
Realizing how that must have come across to his brother, Sam quickly tried to find another possibility. “No, no! That’s not what I meant! Maybe… I mean, maybe you were a test run?”
“And what? He came back to test you because my powers turned out so great?” Dean scoffed, voice dripping in sarcasm. “Lately I can’t even get them to work long enough to talk to the people I really want to!”
Zachariah didn’t need to be a genius to know who Dean was talking about. He turned his focus to the youngest Winchester, unnaturally eager to hear more of his theory.
Ignoring what his brother said, Sam thought aloud, “Maybe that’s why the demon agreed to make the deal to keep you alive-”
Before Sam could say anything else Dean cut him off, “Or maybe it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Dad being a bigger threat then I am. Or maybe the demon just really wanted the Colt. Hell, we don’t even know for sure that Dad made a deal with the demon in the first place.”
“Why can’t you at least consider that possibility before you throw it aside?” asked Sam.
“Because!” said Dean, before closing his eyes and talking a deep breath. “Because that would mean that Dad got screwed over in that deal way more than we originally thought. That would mean that the demon got everything>/i> he wanted and all Dad got was a one way ticket to Hell.”
“Dean,” started Sam, but before he got any further Dean cut him off again.
“You know what, I’m going to get something to eat. Want something?”
Before Sam could even answer, Dean grabbed the keys to the Impala and was out the door.
For the second time since he flew into the Winchester’s motel room, Zachariah regretted wiping Castiel’s memory. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by him that Dean didn’t mention what it might mean for himself if he really was one of Azazel’s children, just what it meant for their father. He didn’t know if that said more about Dean’s tendency to hide his feelings or his innate depreciation of his self worth, but Zachariah had the feeling it was the latter.
As Zachariah flew away, he couldn’t help but think that Hell wouldn’t have too much of a problem breaking their righteous man. He was pretty much broken already.
~Supernatural~
May 15th, 2008
Time slows down significantly when you die, at least that’s what it felt like to Sam. He remembers the moment the knife slid its way into his back, remembers it sliding in easy as if his tissue, sinew and bone were butter, but he doesn’t remember feeling it. He knew there were millions of scientific explanations for why it didn’t hurt, but as far as he was concerned there was only one reason why he didn’t feel it. Dean.
He wasn’t sure he would even have noticed the knife if it hadn’t been for the panicked look on Dean’s face. With all the ups and downs in their lives, he’d never seen it that bad before. He knew he must be hurt really bad for Dean to look like that. But even with that panicked look Sam never doubted that Dean would find a way to make it all better. Which was probably why it threw him when he found himself back at Stanford with Jessica standing right in front of him.
“Jessica?” asked Sam as he slowly moved closer to where she was standing.
“Hey, Sam. I missed you,” Jessica said with that big smile he loved so much.
“How- What’s going on?”
“I think you know, baby. It’s time to let go now and we can start enjoying eternity together.” She smiled at him softly, tears shining in her eyes, love displayed clear on her face. “Your mom is here somewhere. She wanted to come greet you, but only one of us could be here,” Jessica explained.
“So I’m dead?” asked Sam looking down at himself. After all he had done, could this really be it? It all felt so surreal.
“Yeah, baby. I am sorry,” said Jessica as she brought her hand to his face and brought him in for a kiss. God, he missed kissing her. “But on the bright side, now you can be with me. All you have to do is let go and take my hand.”
Sam felt his fingers twitch, but before he could lift his hand, he heard a voice calling his name.
”SAM! Wake up, come on man, don’t do his to me. Please.”
Sam could pick out the sound of his big brother’s voice anywhere. But where was it coming from? If it had been anyone else, it would have been really difficult to look away from Jessica after all this time, but this was his brother. He took a look around, trying to find out were Dean’s voice had come from. He wasn’t able to pinpoint it and as far as he could tell, he was the only one that could hear Dean.
It wasn’t hard to figure out that where ever he and Jessica were, it probably wasn’t corporeal and chances were that his body was still where Jake had stabbed him. And if Sam knew his brother correctly, and he did, Dean still hadn’t left his side. Turning back to Jessica, Sam said, “I- I can’t. Not yet. I have to go talk to my brother first. He’s all alone.”
“He’s not, Sam! Your friend Bobby is with him.” Jessica shook her head, reaching for Sam’s arm. “Don’t worry, Bobby will take care of your brother.”
Almost like she was trying to prove her point, Sam heard Bobby’s voice next. ”Dean, lets go son. It’s too late. There is nothing you can do.”
It made Sam feel better to know that Bobby was with Dean but… Sam really wanted to go see him at least one last time.
No, Bobby. There’s still time. I don’t see Sam anywhere, so he is not dead. We just need to stitch him up and, and-.” That did it for Sam, no matter what anyone said he was going to see his brother one more time or die trying. Okay, maybe it was too late for that, but that didn’t make Sam any less determined to get to his brother.
”Okay. Let’s just get him to your car and we can figure out where to go from there.”
“It’s not the same, Jess,” Sam whispered, closing his eyes to avoid the look of disappointment on Jess’ face. “Family is the most important thing in the world to Dean. He’s still a mess after losing Dad, and not being able to talk to him after his death messed him up even more. I can’t do that to him.”
“I understand, but you don’t need to go right now. Time moves differently here. At least stay with me for a little while?” asked Jessica with the same look she always wore when she wanted something, the same look Sam had never been able to resist.
Something told him he should go be with Dean but he couldn’t leave Jessica after missing her for so long. If time really did move differently, then he wouldn’t be away from Dean too long. Besides, Dean knew how much he missed Jessica. He would understand.
It could’ve just been this place but Sam felt totally at peace and having Jessica with him made him happier then he had been in a very, very long time. Soon it was like they’d never been apart at all. They had found the spot they’d met for the first time and Sam started telling her everything that had happened to him over the last two years.
Sam had gotten so worked up in filling Jessica in that he forgot what was really happening until he heard Dean’s voice again.
”You know, when we were little- and you couldn't been more than five- you just started asking questions. ‘How come we didn't have a mom? Why do we always have to move around? Where'd Dad go when he takes off for days at a time?’ I remember I begged you, ‘Quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't want to know.’”
Sam remembered that time; it had driven him crazy when Dean didn’t answer him. He used to think it was just Dean trying to keep things a secret because he was the baby of the family. Of course, when Sam finally got Dean to talk, Dean explained and was as honest as he could be. ‘Sometimes bad things happen to good people and they can’t be with us anymore. But Mom would be super proud of you, Sammy. We move so much because Dad has to help people, he helps them all over the country. Now stop asking, please.’
He’d never really thought about what it had been like for Dean.Thinking back to that time, Sam knew it had been extremely hard for Dean to answer those questions. Their mom’s death had always been a hard topic for Dean and besides, no nine year-old should’ve had to explain to their siblings why they don’t have a mother.
“I just wanted you to be a kid... Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you, to keep you safe... Dad didn't even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I had one job... I had one job… and I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that, I'm sorry.”
Dean paused, a strangled sound escaping and Sam’s heart clenched as he realized Dean was crying.
”I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down... and now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too.”
If Sam hadn’t been dead already it would have killed him to hear his brother say that. He’d always hated how much responsibility Dean had growing up, and even though Dean didn’t blame John, Sam did. John should have taken some of the responsibilities off of Dean’s shoulders, but instead he just added to them. What hurt Sam the most was that Dean thought he’d let Sam down. Nothing could be further from the truth. If anything, it was the other way around.
“How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy. God. What am I supposed to do? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!” Sam suddenly got the feeling his brother was about to do something really, really stupid if he didn’t stop him.
“Jess, I have to go to Dean right now.”
“Sam, you can’t go talk to him,” said Jessica softly. When she saw that Sam was about to object, she added, “Sam, I’m telling you, you can’t go talk to him. It doesn’t work like that.”
“I know that, but Dean’s special. You know that, you talked to him after you died!”
“Sam, you aren’t hearing me. You can’t. They won’t allow it.”
“They won’t- Who won’t allow it and why?” asked Sam, rising to his full height. He’d never done that before with Jessica, but she knew something and was trying to keep it from him. As much as he loved her, he was not about to let her keep him away from Dean, not after everything Dean had done for him.
“Look Sam. I’m sorry but-” started Jessica but Sam interrupted her right away.
“Why can’t I see my brother?”
“I don’t know. I just know he needs to do something and you can’t get in the way. It really is better this way. Trust me, Sam.”
“No. My brother is about to do something stupid, I can feel it! And I’m going to stop him. Goodbye, Jess.”
Somehow it didn’t surprise him to find his brother standing in the middle of a crossroad holding a box with everything he needed to summon a crossroad demon.
“Dean! Stop!”
“Sammy?”