I wish so much that this road could be easier for you.
I have not walked a mile in your exact shoes...but I do know that incredible sense of the loss of freedoms & the illusion of control; the profound and utter desperation & desire to be able to communicate with your loved ones around you - particularly when that is really the one thing you can do, trapped inside the hallowed halls of club med.
I fuzzily remember, after one particular drug cocktail, seeing Burt Reynolds dancing around the halls of the ICU in a blue-sequined tutu...did I mention how hairy he is?? Ooofff!
But the most frustrating feeling was trying to talk to someone & nodding off mid-word. Or better yet, nodding off mid-word, hallucinating about a different conversation and answering aloud the question in my head, rather than the one the living human being in front of me had asked. I call it "losing time".
What I really find is that through everything, it is the ones who really love you who have the patience of saints to be OK with all of it...your little band of foot soldiers, who wrap you up in the security of their loving embraces...it quickly separates the boys from the men.
I pray that you are able to hold onto your days...I pray that they are able to strike just the right balance between your meds...that they can tame the screaming beast of pain and thwack it into submission, with you still intact on the other side...and as always, I am praying for lungs to come quickly for you!
I wish so much that this road could be easier for you.
I have not walked a mile in your exact shoes...but I do know that incredible sense of the loss of freedoms & the illusion of control; the profound and utter desperation & desire to be able to communicate with your loved ones around you - particularly when that is really the one thing you can do, trapped inside the hallowed halls of club med.
I fuzzily remember, after one particular drug cocktail, seeing Burt Reynolds dancing around the halls of the ICU in a blue-sequined tutu...did I mention how hairy he is?? Ooofff!
But the most frustrating feeling was trying to talk to someone & nodding off mid-word. Or better yet, nodding off mid-word, hallucinating about a different conversation and answering aloud the question in my head, rather than the one the living human being in front of me had asked. I call it "losing time".
What I really find is that through everything, it is the ones who really love you who have the patience of saints to be OK with all of it...your little band of foot soldiers, who wrap you up in the security of their loving embraces...it quickly separates the boys from the men.
I pray that you are able to hold onto your days...I pray that they are able to strike just the right balance between your meds...that they can tame the screaming beast of pain and thwack it into submission, with you still intact on the other side...and as always, I am praying for lungs to come quickly for you!
Blessings to you,
Amy Stephens
Charlotte, NC
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