Personality Tests
That personality test was erie. Very much so, bringing to light a lot o things about me that I know (which were mainly, and unfortunately, the fact that I feel inadequate and unappreciated so often, and rather insecure). And also the feeling of being trapped by my current situation, which is strangely true. I can't really say why as to most of it, though. I wish that I had saved the results of that test.
Mostly, though, it seemed to be telling me that I was a really unhappy person. Which I guess I am. My sexual issues, noted, lack of desire to compromise, general just... Unhappy things. Also arrogance, which I find a little strange, since I don't consider myself arrogant. But everyone else seems to think so. Everyone that I ask anyways.
Not to take an online colour-choosing test too seriously, but it makes me think anyways. I've always been this way, really. Now more-so than ever. I don't know what to do with myself sometimes.
Of course, I'm not entirely unhappy with my life. I have my loving Princess, all of the hassle she is (but I love her so). And there's my father, of course. I'm hopefully going to get into a career that I enjoy too. My pessimism doesn't get in the way of my life entirely. It just affects me sometimes.
The thing that makes me think the most is my apparent feelings of being trapped. I figure that that would be because of my gender issues. And they are indeed issues, because I know the answer, I just haven't resolved it yet, and it's infuriating. My life is fucking infuriating.
Something that has always interested me, and that was highlighted by Princess's results was her domineering nature versus my quieter one, while in our relationship, I am the dominant and she the submissive. It strange the way things work out. Sometimes I think that she would greatly enjoy being my dominant, but she wouldn't. I remember, years ago now, we disclose our relationship to a friend and they thought it was the other way around. But being reserved doesn't mean being submissive. In any way, shape or form.
I've had a few lapses in our relationship, wherein I tended to withdraw into myself and stop being a very effective Master, but I try. I suppose that would be some of my insecurities showing. Whatever. I am my Princess's Master. That's that.
Our relationship is far more straight-forward than other ones - like my Princess's father and his girlfriend. He's a submissive and an adult, so I've adjusts my view of their relationship accordingly, but really, I'm not quite sure about them. It's not really much of my business, though. However, she seems to treat everyone including myself like that. As if she must explain everything to us, and give people permission to make choices that they would regularly do on their own. I, at least, know that my submissive is not a fucking idiot and I her caretaker. She is a real life human despite her desire to be my Princess. The woman got on my good side last night, but that really didn't go very far into today.
Actually, out of all the relationships I know, mine and my princess's is currently the best (in my mind it usually is).
Well, no one is perfect and certainly not me. I since if after I transition i'll stop feeling so inadequate with myself. I've been thinking lately of coming out to Princess's family, although of course I have to run that by her first. I hate that to them I'm just "Toby". I generally makes me feel like shit. And I can't see what is the worst that could happen. I'm sure that they would all accept it. But I will defer to Princess's judgement. It's her family, and she is my Princess, and she knows them better than I do.
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