the weird part is we were just talking about him
yesterday i had a message from my friend leslie who i haven't talked to in several months....it said to call her...it was about something important. then when i saw rene was trying to get ahold of me i knew it was something serious. i was afraid and freaked out from the moment i saw that and avoided getting back to them for another hour while i took a bath
then i got the news. my ex-boyfriend Marc killed himself on wednesday. the last time i saw him in person was last year when i started talking to him again. about two weeks into us hanging out again, he slit his wrist and i can still remember going to see him in the hospital. hell, i still have the stupid footies he gave me as a "present." i remember he told me i was the only person who went to visit him there. and then i remember when i stopped returning his phone calls because i started to get the feeling he liked me and anyone who knew me last spring knows how awful i am with dealing with that. so yeah, i feel guilty. i don't think if i became his girlfriend this wouldn't have happened. i'm not that naive. but i do feel guilty that this was one of the primary people i did bad things with in high school. between the two of us were so many drugs and different stolen property. it wasn't just kids being bad. we both had a serious problem and i feel guilty that for some reason, i was able to get out of that way of thinking/living with some anxiety and depression. but marc wasn't so lucky. he became a totally different person senior year (around the time i was sent away). i don't know if i'm angry or sad. i've been crying but on and off...there's too much going on inside my head. i'm afraid to look through my pictures because i don't know how that's going to make me feel. it does give me some comfort to know that i have a part of his life in a little box in the basement. and we're smiling in every picture. hopefully in his next life he'll have it a little easier.
then i got the news. my ex-boyfriend Marc killed himself on wednesday. the last time i saw him in person was last year when i started talking to him again. about two weeks into us hanging out again, he slit his wrist and i can still remember going to see him in the hospital. hell, i still have the stupid footies he gave me as a "present." i remember he told me i was the only person who went to visit him there. and then i remember when i stopped returning his phone calls because i started to get the feeling he liked me and anyone who knew me last spring knows how awful i am with dealing with that. so yeah, i feel guilty. i don't think if i became his girlfriend this wouldn't have happened. i'm not that naive. but i do feel guilty that this was one of the primary people i did bad things with in high school. between the two of us were so many drugs and different stolen property. it wasn't just kids being bad. we both had a serious problem and i feel guilty that for some reason, i was able to get out of that way of thinking/living with some anxiety and depression. but marc wasn't so lucky. he became a totally different person senior year (around the time i was sent away). i don't know if i'm angry or sad. i've been crying but on and off...there's too much going on inside my head. i'm afraid to look through my pictures because i don't know how that's going to make me feel. it does give me some comfort to know that i have a part of his life in a little box in the basement. and we're smiling in every picture. hopefully in his next life he'll have it a little easier.