079. The Same Old Thing
Title: Love Yourself, Before You Love Me
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own them.
Genre: Angst/Fluff
079. The Same Old Thing Yesung/Eeteuk
It was dark; and with the cover of night came the tears that just didn’t seem to stop. The ones that didn’t really have a reason to stream down his face, the ones that mocked him and what he tried to make everyone believe.
He’d learned long ago that tears were a weakness that should never be revealed, should be hidden and they were to be ashamed of…So he also knew to be silent as the tears ran their course.
-----
Eeteuk knew there was something wrong. He didn’t know what, but he knew it was something. He could see it in Yesung’s eyes and they way he did things when he didn’t think anyone was looking. How he’d walk with his head down and shoulders slumped, hunched over as if expecting an attack to fall upon him at anytime, how he never sang unless forced…..
He knew that Yesung thought no one had noticed, that it was his secret, but Eeteuk intended to find out the cause and fix whatever had made the shadows appear in Yesung’s eyes.
It was never the same old thing with Yesung. He always tried to stay out of the way and out of trouble…Most likely because he was trying to be less of a burden; the burden that he always seemed to think he was…Trying to make up for the faults he found within himself that he just couldn’t seem to remove…The faults that only Yesung found.
You see, Eeteuk had always had a soft spot for Yesung. Had, since he’d first seen him before the debut and then again when he’d first heard him sing, wanted something more between them than the tentative friendship that existed now…
He would find a way to save Yesung from the downward spiral he’d entered, if it was the last thing he did.
-----
Yesung could feel his life as he knew it slipping from him like water in cupped hands. Something was going to happen soon…And with his luck it would only make everything worse….
-----
Eeteuk was waiting in Yesung’s room for him, deciding to try direct confrontation first before trying other means; he was actually waiting in a chair that was partially hidden by the open closet door.
Yesung came into his room and went from standing straight up and smiling to hunched over and almost weeping. The change was so swift and drastic that all Eeteuk could do was stare.
He sat and waited for Yesung to acknowledge him or ask about why he was in his room uninvited.
He was just about to speak when Yesung began to whisper harshly to himself, “Have to start pretending better, Yesung, they’re going to notice something soon. Should probably start singing again…”
And then Yesung was collapsing to the floor in tears, “I can’t even stand to hear my talking voice, how am I supposed to tolerate my singing voice long enough to convince anyone that I’m fine?
Eeteuk decided to intervene now, “Yesung? Please tell me what’s wring, I want o help you…”
His voice died away when Yesung’s head twisted abruptly towards him shock written all over his face, shock turned to fear and then the mask fell back into place.
“Wrong? Ha, don’t be silly, there’s nothing wrong. I’m fine. Just having an off day.” He’d worn the mask so long he knew it was starting to fail.
“An off day, huh? Don’t you mean an off month? You’ve been acting like this for a while now, and I’d appreciate it if you would tell me the truth this time.” Eeteuk’s voice was gentle but still firm enough to tell Yesung that it wasn’t a request this time.
“I…I…I just….I can’t stand myself! There are just so many things that I can’t change, that I can’t make up for, so many things that condemn me! And I can’t stand it! I can’t even sing anymore! I used to love singing; the only thing I’ve ever been proud of, the only thing I thought I could do! And now the sound of my voice makes me sick; and I just can’t stand it.” And the tears flowed anew, making him look broken and defeated.
Eeteuk moved forward to wrap his arms around Yesung in a hug and then murmured into his ear, “The flaws you speak of, the things you can’t stand, they only exist in your eyes. They only come alive when you look at them and find everything I love about you lacking. Your voice is beautiful; it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard. If you can’t stand it then don’t sing for yourself; sing for me so that I can hear your songs that make me feel like I can do anything. Your body is perfectly fine, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Your birthmark is adorable you shouldn’t hide it. There is nothing about you that I would ever change. I love you for what and who you are, and that’s all that should matter.”
Yesung opened his mouth, maybe to reply that he loved him in return, but Eeteuk cut him off, “Don’t say that you love me too. You can’t love anyone until you can learn to love yourself. When you can do that, then we can try.”
He gave the still crying man another hug and then he stood up, tossed a dimpled smile over his shoulder, and then left the room leaving Yesung to ponder his words.
-----
Months passed slowly, but everyday Yesung could be found singing or writing a song somewhere; usually the music room, but sometimes in the kitchen with a cup of coffee next to him.
Every time Eeteuk passed Yesung he’d smile at him and wave, but would otherwise leave him alone. And every time Yesung was in the kitchen while Eeteuk was eating or making something, he would begin to hum and then later, when he could handle it, he’d sing just loud enough for the older man to hear.
Slowly as time passed, Yesung began to understand what his hyung had told him. It was hard, but he cared for Eeteuk and he would prove that he cared enough to learn to love himself.
-----
It was difficult and several times he thought to give up, but each time the thought passed through his mind he’d see that dimpled smile flash across his mind and he’d try harder than he had before.
Finally many, many months later he found Eeteuk outside on the balcony, his hair blowing softly in the wind and a faint smile on his face.
“…Eeteuk…I…Saranghaeyo…” He stepped up behind him to wrap an arm around his waist and the other around his shoulder.
Eeteuk smiled, smiled the dimpled smile that had given Yesung a reason to try, and then leaned back into the arms that surrounded him in a warm embrace.
“I love you too.”
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Don't own them.
Genre: Angst/Fluff
079. The Same Old Thing Yesung/Eeteuk
It was dark; and with the cover of night came the tears that just didn’t seem to stop. The ones that didn’t really have a reason to stream down his face, the ones that mocked him and what he tried to make everyone believe.
He’d learned long ago that tears were a weakness that should never be revealed, should be hidden and they were to be ashamed of…So he also knew to be silent as the tears ran their course.
-----
Eeteuk knew there was something wrong. He didn’t know what, but he knew it was something. He could see it in Yesung’s eyes and they way he did things when he didn’t think anyone was looking. How he’d walk with his head down and shoulders slumped, hunched over as if expecting an attack to fall upon him at anytime, how he never sang unless forced…..
He knew that Yesung thought no one had noticed, that it was his secret, but Eeteuk intended to find out the cause and fix whatever had made the shadows appear in Yesung’s eyes.
It was never the same old thing with Yesung. He always tried to stay out of the way and out of trouble…Most likely because he was trying to be less of a burden; the burden that he always seemed to think he was…Trying to make up for the faults he found within himself that he just couldn’t seem to remove…The faults that only Yesung found.
You see, Eeteuk had always had a soft spot for Yesung. Had, since he’d first seen him before the debut and then again when he’d first heard him sing, wanted something more between them than the tentative friendship that existed now…
He would find a way to save Yesung from the downward spiral he’d entered, if it was the last thing he did.
-----
Yesung could feel his life as he knew it slipping from him like water in cupped hands. Something was going to happen soon…And with his luck it would only make everything worse….
-----
Eeteuk was waiting in Yesung’s room for him, deciding to try direct confrontation first before trying other means; he was actually waiting in a chair that was partially hidden by the open closet door.
Yesung came into his room and went from standing straight up and smiling to hunched over and almost weeping. The change was so swift and drastic that all Eeteuk could do was stare.
He sat and waited for Yesung to acknowledge him or ask about why he was in his room uninvited.
He was just about to speak when Yesung began to whisper harshly to himself, “Have to start pretending better, Yesung, they’re going to notice something soon. Should probably start singing again…”
And then Yesung was collapsing to the floor in tears, “I can’t even stand to hear my talking voice, how am I supposed to tolerate my singing voice long enough to convince anyone that I’m fine?
Eeteuk decided to intervene now, “Yesung? Please tell me what’s wring, I want o help you…”
His voice died away when Yesung’s head twisted abruptly towards him shock written all over his face, shock turned to fear and then the mask fell back into place.
“Wrong? Ha, don’t be silly, there’s nothing wrong. I’m fine. Just having an off day.” He’d worn the mask so long he knew it was starting to fail.
“An off day, huh? Don’t you mean an off month? You’ve been acting like this for a while now, and I’d appreciate it if you would tell me the truth this time.” Eeteuk’s voice was gentle but still firm enough to tell Yesung that it wasn’t a request this time.
“I…I…I just….I can’t stand myself! There are just so many things that I can’t change, that I can’t make up for, so many things that condemn me! And I can’t stand it! I can’t even sing anymore! I used to love singing; the only thing I’ve ever been proud of, the only thing I thought I could do! And now the sound of my voice makes me sick; and I just can’t stand it.” And the tears flowed anew, making him look broken and defeated.
Eeteuk moved forward to wrap his arms around Yesung in a hug and then murmured into his ear, “The flaws you speak of, the things you can’t stand, they only exist in your eyes. They only come alive when you look at them and find everything I love about you lacking. Your voice is beautiful; it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard. If you can’t stand it then don’t sing for yourself; sing for me so that I can hear your songs that make me feel like I can do anything. Your body is perfectly fine, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Your birthmark is adorable you shouldn’t hide it. There is nothing about you that I would ever change. I love you for what and who you are, and that’s all that should matter.”
Yesung opened his mouth, maybe to reply that he loved him in return, but Eeteuk cut him off, “Don’t say that you love me too. You can’t love anyone until you can learn to love yourself. When you can do that, then we can try.”
He gave the still crying man another hug and then he stood up, tossed a dimpled smile over his shoulder, and then left the room leaving Yesung to ponder his words.
-----
Months passed slowly, but everyday Yesung could be found singing or writing a song somewhere; usually the music room, but sometimes in the kitchen with a cup of coffee next to him.
Every time Eeteuk passed Yesung he’d smile at him and wave, but would otherwise leave him alone. And every time Yesung was in the kitchen while Eeteuk was eating or making something, he would begin to hum and then later, when he could handle it, he’d sing just loud enough for the older man to hear.
Slowly as time passed, Yesung began to understand what his hyung had told him. It was hard, but he cared for Eeteuk and he would prove that he cared enough to learn to love himself.
-----
It was difficult and several times he thought to give up, but each time the thought passed through his mind he’d see that dimpled smile flash across his mind and he’d try harder than he had before.
Finally many, many months later he found Eeteuk outside on the balcony, his hair blowing softly in the wind and a faint smile on his face.
“…Eeteuk…I…Saranghaeyo…” He stepped up behind him to wrap an arm around his waist and the other around his shoulder.
Eeteuk smiled, smiled the dimpled smile that had given Yesung a reason to try, and then leaned back into the arms that surrounded him in a warm embrace.
“I love you too.”