Church
So today was our fourth week in a row of attending church. That's not such a big deal unless you know that we haven't attended church regularly for about 4 years. Most of that time we were waiting for our schedule to get straightened out, since our late hours weren't conducive to early rising for our little ones, then expecting them to sit quietly through a church service. We tried, time after time, but it always slipped back again and we were so disappointed in ourselves for raising children who wondered, "what's church?" Not to mention the spiritual guidance and fellowship we missed so much!!! So suddenly one day it struck me- maybe it's a case of "seek ye first the kingdom... and all these things shall be added unto you". Maybe if we sought first the kingdom by going to church, a decent schedule was one of those things that would be added unto us! So when Jana was here, during our heart-to-heart chat at Starbucks, I promised her that- pending husband approval- the following week we would be in church, no matter what. And with the easily-gained husband approval (more like his delight at finally having me on board with just making it happen no matter the schedule!) the resolve was set, and that was that. We are back in church and I'm eager for the day when it's the habit it once was.
So it's going well. It's important to us to have the girls in the service with us. I feel like worship is of all things the one I want us to do as a family, no offense at all to those who feel differently! This too held us out of church for a long time as we sought a local "family integrated" congregation, to no avail. We had some hesitations about having the girls in the service at our old church because of several experiences when we tried. We didn't expect anyone to be okay with our kids yelling and running in church and fully planned to keep them controlled, yet felt less-than-pleasant vibes at times. At the same time something still seemed to draw us back to Inglewood, where we spent so much time during the years we were dating and early married, and even several years before that for me. Finally I realize that it's the people- the dear people who knew me and loved and guided me when I was a shy, awkward college and career student with neither college or career. The people who watched as Jonathan and I became an item, asked me every week "how many days till the wedding?", attended our wedding and then our baby shower. It feels right for those people to oversee our managing of our young family. I hope we can soon be integrated enough into the church to sit down and have conversations with the families who have done this before us. I was thrilled last week to find out our new pastor's wife even homeschools their 4 children and I can't wait to chat with her!
So Inglewood it is! It's been good, but SO weird to be the stranger in the place that was once our home. There was a time when I was in that building 5 days a week for various reasons. I knew everyone and cared for their babies, and now their babies are all grown up and many of the grown-ups can't recall my name. Those years when we were out everyone our age and stage was forming close friendships that are now hard to be a part of. So yeah.... the fitting in part is kind of back to square one. But when I was feeling bad about that today God blessed me with two brief conversations on the way out of the building that made my day. I hope and pray that friendships are still possible for us! I'm also trying to be a friend and not wait for people to come to me..... but let's just say that this is not my strong point. God help me.
The first week we were there I had to take the girls out once and heard approximately 5 scattered minutes of the sermon. But as we sang Tirzah quickly picked up the chorus and I watched as she looked around and then, mimicking several members of the choir and congregation, raised her hands in the air and sang her heart out. I cried realizing that this is what we need- for our children to see not just us, but others living for God, examples of Christian living. What a help for us! What an amazing support for a family, to have that backup for the values we strive to instill in our children. The anxiety of keeping them quiet and still for an hour melted away and I knew it was worth it. From then, each week is a little better. We're in the sit-at-the-back-and-bring-a-bag-of-tricks-that-might-include-chocolate-chips stage, but I hope to progressively wean them from these crutches. The music is still our favorite part. Tirzah amazes me with how quickly she will pick up any repetitive parts of a song she has never heard, and wholeheartedly sing it along with everyone else. She still says she doesn't want to go when we inform her on Saturday night that the next day is church. That I take to be our fault and I think it will vastly improve once we get to the point of going to Sunday school as well. A little at a time. :-) And as it is she seems to enjoy herself just fine when the service actually rolls around. Mia has each week, without fail, belted out "Diego!" or "Diego, Jaguar!" at some point in the singing, which blends in with all the other voices and makes me laugh. She also says "yay!" and claps when any piece of music ends. She has done well- better than I expected- and will be perfectly great at church-going when she learns to whisper her communications. All in all, I have felt better than our previous experiences, and for that I thank God.
This is where we are. I'm thankful to be back in church. I'm happy to sing with many other believers again (though as always I crave more hymns.... I'm happy with the ones we've sung, though! :-)). I love seeing old friends and meeting new ones. I love that I seem to catch a *little* more of the sermon each week. It is good.
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