since i can't talk to a person...guess i'll talk to the computer

[4everanangel]

I feel like I'm coming out of my skin. I can't stand to be in my house. I want to leave but have no where to go. I feel so alone and yet I'm surrounded by friends. I desperately need someone to talk to and a shoulder to cry on but i figure everyone is tired of listening to me cry. I feel worthless. Like I'm not good enough for anyone and never will be. I feel stupid for believing people who tell me they love me or care. I don't feel like I can trust anyone. I want so badly to just quit everything and to start over but I know running away won't solve anything. I'm so afraid of being alone and yet I'm more afraid of being with anyone. I want someone to love. I want someone to love me. But I'm so afraid of getting hurt that I don't think I can love or let anyone love me. I know I keep doing this to myself. I try not to, but its so hard to not give in. *sigh* I've been so depressed that I can't eat, I can't sleep, I barely even have the will to get out of bed in the morning. I can't stand listening to music or watching tv. Everything is either too happy or to sad and just makes me feel worse. I wish I could just turn back into the shell i used to be. Life seemed so much easier when I spent everyday just locked up in my room. I guess it's because if I don't talk to anyone, or see anyone, then no one can hurt me. Yet I know tomorrow I'll wake up, get dressed, put a smile on my face, bullshit my way through another day, and then come home once again and sit in my room and sulk.

well...i don't want to bore you so...I'm off to stare at a wall.