(no subject)
I don`t know where to start, honestly. I could go about telling you what I`ve been doing (which I`ll probably end up doing anyways) but I feel something much deeper inside right now... I have the best life ever, and it`s still weird. I mean, this month last year, I was still slicing my wrists and bawling my eyes out. I felt like I was never good enough (thanks to that great family yeah) and now, I don`t settle for anything that isn`t good enough for me. Not people, no way. Anyways, almost two years ago, I was lying in a hospital bed half dead thanks to my overdose. Oh, last night, I was at Paul & Wendy`s & I took some Excedrin with some grape koolaid. Can we say mistake? Oh yes, we can. Whitney became oh so very sick. I overdosed drinking grape koolaid & stashed hundreds of pills down my throat ( a lot of which were Excedrin).. So, it still gets to me when I take pills & I start puking. So, Justin & I came home early, well not really early, but early for us. Anyways, like I was saying; my live, well I, myself, have changed so much. I`m happy now. Genuinely, happy. & That my friends, is amazing. I never thought I would be nor wanted to be sixteen years old. I wanted to die, begged Lord, please take my life, and N0W. I know I still may never see sixteen, but I want to, and that`s something. I`m making sure not to over-run myself (I believe that`s what happened when I became so depressed) I`m trying to take things step by step. When I get upset, I just breathe. I threw my razor blades that I used away in August, after I used them one last time. & That was over something very stupid. I`m not playing softball this year; I`m one of the best players, but I don`t want to make that commitment & then not want to follow through. I want to enjoy my life, not have to do something 5 days a week that I get very bored with. I have no idea where this is going. I`m rambling, but I don`t give a damn.
CHiSTMAS; This will be the best Christmas ever. I have the best family in the world. Justin`s side of the family is nothing less than absolutely amazing. & Of course my family, I love each and every one of them. I`m going to see my Pawpaw for the first time in almost a year. I just love hanging out with everyone, & of course, you can`t forget the food!
JUSTiN; As most of you know, he lives here. It`s the best feeling, waking up beside him every morning, and staying with him all day. He`s at work right now. For the first time, I know what it feels like to have someone treat me like I should be treated. He never puts me down, and he doesn`t make me cry. He doesn`t find all my fault & throw them in my face; he loves everything about me. And I love everything about him.
CHRiSTMAS PARTY; Justin`s Christmas party for his work was Monday. So much fun. We had pizza & afterwards, a lot of us went back to Chad & Alex`s. Justin, Chad, & I went on a beer run to Scottsboro. (I`m ready for Fort Payne to start selling alcohol!) We came back & a lot of people were smoking weed. It was funny, but annoying. I don`t like being around that shit. I started drinking (Justin didn`t drink `til we came home; he drove.) Justin took my outside when they started rolling another blunt `cause he didn`t want me around it. So, we sat in the truck until they were finished. I drank three & snuck the rest in the house. We went up to his room & drank some more & I passed out.. Drunken sex is usually great, but I didn`t get any, haha. Anyways, so that was a lot of fun.
& Maybe I`ll be back sometime soon. <3 y`all.