(no subject)
We think my mom is sick. With one of those illnesses that I can't pronounce and never get better. I'm kinda scared. And sad. No one really gets it, and I kinda just want to be left alone, yet I really am afraid to be. I wish I could be with people but without anyone talking to me. Im sure none of this makes sense. We're getting even poorer, and my mom can't afford to buy me winter boots and my dad wont. I think I should become a dealer so I can help and stuff. But I'm scared to. Everyone at school today kept bugging me cuz I was crying about my mom and shit. I inda wanted to be left alone, or for people to just stop asking me whats wrong. It drives me crazy when people say it's ok. It's not ok. It's not. I kinda tried to act happy today, so as to not ruin anyones halloween. But I'm scared. I wish someone understood. But none of my cclose friends understand or else they don't have time to talk about it. I felt a strong urge to get stoned. Just to kinda forget it all or whatever. I got drunk because I was depressed once though and it only made me feel worse. I only looked happy. I might go get baked tomorrow though. I just can't cope otherwise. I'm really confused. I don't want to be alone. I'm afraid of being alone.