Ranting (I probably won't remember this tomorrow.. hopefully)
This may seem weird coming from me.. I feel it is but yeah. I want to fucking gouge my eyes out. I am tired of Peter and Jeremy. I want to fucking be the biggest bitch right now. I need someone to keep me level headed and I don't have that. I fucking hate them both. For reasons no one would understand, I myself hardly understand but I know I hate them. I want to cry for stupid reasons but I won't allow myself to be such a weak person right now. Damn there is this anger boiling inside of me.. for expending all my energy on these individuals. I just want to be alone. I don't even know what to say. I want to shout and scream but typing this all out is quieter but the release feels like nothing. I know I will regret hating them, well Peter because I love him but we can't be friends anymore... it's too weird and emotional. What the fuck is wrong with me.. Why do I let people get to me so much, get me so angry at them and myself. I feel so gross and mean.
I feel like crying. I was just crying to the Goo Goo Dolls, go figure.. I just realized something. I cry so much when I don't understand things, when things frustrate me. It always has been like that since I was little. My face would get hot, my body would get hot and tears would well up in my eyes and I'd cry terribly.. that's how it is right now. I don't understand so many things.
The only reason I am crying now is because I love him.
But I'm done.
I feel like crying. I was just crying to the Goo Goo Dolls, go figure.. I just realized something. I cry so much when I don't understand things, when things frustrate me. It always has been like that since I was little. My face would get hot, my body would get hot and tears would well up in my eyes and I'd cry terribly.. that's how it is right now. I don't understand so many things.
The only reason I am crying now is because I love him.
But I'm done.