last two!
(I'm finished in time for Camp NaNo!)
39.
Title: Sword and Spear
Fandom: Undertale/The Witcher
Rating: T (spoilers, some mildly explicit talk of sex, almost but not quite a pacifist run)
Word Count: 864
Summary: Undyne is used to fighting against sociopathic mute children with no clue what's going on either, not fully grown, amorous Witchers. Geralt/Undyne/Alphys.
Twirling like a dancer, sword in each hand, the human parried and knocked aside every single one of Undyne's rain of spears. The silver amulet around his neck began to vibrate even more furiously as he approached her, fixing her with yellow feline eyes, and the medallion's own eyes glowed red. She did not back away from his intense gaze but met his attack with two spears that she plucked out of the air as her magic summoned them. Flames played over one of her eyes. Something about this strange white-haired human was bringing out her inner reserves.
"Aard!" he yelled, extending one arm in front of him and arranging his fingers in some sort of gesture. He had already put down his steel sword in the same fluid movement, although his silver sword was still in his other hand. Before Undyne could tell what was going on, some sort of arcane energy radiated from the other hand, turning into a shockwave that knocked her backwards. She staggered, almost thrown off her feet. It was all she could do to bring both spears up in front of her face to protect herself. Without breaking stride, he swung the silver sword around, knocking away both spears, then casually tripped her up. She glared up at the man who held a sword to her throat, her eyes meeting his defiantly, daring him to bring down the finishing blow.
"I can see you trying to reach for more spears. Don't, and I might spare you," he growled.
"A human can cast magic?" she asked, not bothering to dignify his promise with a response. She knew about humans and their promises already.
"I'm not exactly what you'd call an ordinary human," he admitted, a kind of tired humour in his voice, "This is what years of painful alchemical transformation and mutation will do to you."
"How many humans are there like you?"
"Not many, and we can't breed more," he admitted, "Not for lack of effort, mind you. That, and we do very dangerous jobs, like jumping into holes in mountains to deal with the local monster problem."
"So you're here to slaughter us all," she hissed.
"That was the original plan, but so far I've not had a need to. I have a thing against killing monsters if I don't have to, you see, as it's usually so much more profitable to make deals with them, talk about what exactly is giving them so much trouble living peacefully alongside humans," he said, "Especially when there's pretty female monsters involved."
"Asgore won't hear your nonsense. He'll mess up your pretty face with his trident."
He shrugged, "I've dealt with stubborn goats before."
"However did a joker like you get past Toriel?"
"Told her she baked nice pies and that I would never have guessed she already had a child."
"And Sans?"
"The skeleton who was asleep at the watchpost?"
"Never mind... Papyrus?"
"Fetched one of his shin bones back from a dog who ran off with it."
"And, dare I ask, Muffet?"
"Paid her. I'm not exactly hurting for money after the Gwent tournament. I mostly keep working because I don't have anything else to do with my life. A steady relationship just isn't working out for me, you know..."
"You really aren't like the other humans who come down here," she admitted, "You're not a child, for one thing. You certainly aren't quiet..."
"The monsters down here are certainly interesting, too. Was there really a bloody, protracted war with humans? I just can't imagine you guys handling it."
"It's mostly history by now. We're trying to claim our lives back now, re-emerge onto the surface."
"I wouldn't. The humans have bred like rabbits, and they're just as prejudiced as ever," he told her, "They abuse me for being different, too, and all I want is to make their women happy."
"Do you ever think about anything else?" she snarled.
"It's hard not to when you're chatting with a beautiful, fierce young warrior. Don't think blue skin and ears like a drowner will put me off," he warned her, "I've lain with dryads, vampires, succubi..."
"I don't like guys who point swords at me," she told him, "Or humans. Even mutated humans. And besides, I have someone I'm interested in already."
"It's okay, I'll share him," said another voice, quieter with a slight stammer. Geralt glanced behind him to see what appeared to be a lizard in a labcoat, "I get fanfic rights, though! And camera rights!"
"Alphys, get away! This man's dangerous and you're very, very embarrassing!" Undyne told her. Geralt had never seen a fish blush.
"Sounds fine with me," he shrugged, lowering the other sword.
Silver swords were for monsters, steel swords were for humans who acted like monsters, but he had no idea what you used against monsters who acted more human than anyone in the entirety of Novigrad. However, his other 'sword' seemed quite keen to be used, and it hadn't failed him yet.
He would have brought flowers but he had cast Igni on the last one he saw when it started whispering at him and telling him to murder everyone.
40.
Title: Gosling
Fandom: Gemfire/Fire Emblem Heroes
Rating: T (mild language, mild harm to children)
Word Count: 729
Summary: Gweyn wants her own Crown Gem to summon a Fifth Unit from. Erven tries to buy one from the black market. Instead, he buys a summon orb and ends up with Fae. He's in big trouble but at least he now has an adopted grandchild...
"Erven... this isn't a dragon," Gweyn sighed.
"The bloke I bought it off said it was a dragon."
"Look at it, Erven, does it remind you of a dragon even in the slightest?"
"It's the same size as one."
"So it's a really big, fluffy goose. It's still a goose," she said, "It's kind of cute. I can't unleash something that looks like a goose but cute on the battlefield."
"We haven't tested it in battle. I was told that its breath weapon is powerful even among dragons..."
"It looked scared when you mentioned battle. Its big round eyes are leaking," she pointed out, "It's like a puppy. A puppy who eats hats. I'm fairly sure I'm missing a hat from the hat rack you put its cage next to. Erven, are you sure this thing came out of a real Crown Gem?"
"It looks the same as the others."
"So do lots of fakes, and its not like we get a lot of opportunities to see Crown Gems. Why was a Crown Gem on the black market?"
"As a matter of fact, the black marketeers got to most of them long before any of the nobles. Except the nobles who are the ringmasters of the black market, of course. What else do you think is going to happen if a crown just explodes and flings its jewels all over the island?"
"I thought there were only eight gems."
"Only eight major gems. A crown's a complicated, flashy piece of work. There are hundreds of smaller gems, all with some kind of spirit trapped inside," he explained, "That's why this dragon isn't exactly the Fire Dragon. Although I still say it's more dangerous than it looks."
"That wouldn't be hard," she sighed, "Okay, you have one chance to prove it. Go and fling it in the arena with an ork or harpy or prisoner or something. It should be hungry by now - it's trying to eat another hat."
"I think it likes the flowers," said Erven, "I'll go and have a word with the arena master..."
That was when the flash of light happened, blinding both the people in the cluttered office. Both of them dove for cover, expecting an attack. However, all they could hear was the crying of a girl child. In the middle of the cage, sobbing and cowering in the corner with her arms wrapped around her legs, was a small, pink-haired girl in a shabby yellow dress. She had big round green eyes and pointed ears like an elf's.
"Erven! That's a bloody child! Why did you buy a child on the black market with Tordin money?" she demanded, "I almost put the poor thing in serious danger because of you!"
"It was a dragon when I bought it," he protested, "They don't tell me anything about what I'm buying. And you're the one who told me to get hold of a Crown Gem by any means necessary."
"I still say this isn't a bloody Crown Gem," she said, walking over to the cage and unlocking the door, "Here you go, little one. I'm sorry the bad man hurt you. Don't shy away. Put the hat down, we have real food. You do eat real food, don't you? What's your name, child?"
"F... Fae..." whispered the girl, crawling forwards to sniff the proffered hand curiously.
"Fae. Fae Tordin. I like the sound of it."
"You can't just adopt a random child!" protested Erven.
"You can't buy a child either, so we're even," she snapped, "And she's been more use than you so far today, and far cuter. Fae, can you do the dragon thing at will?"
She nodded, "I won't let you use it to hurt people!"
"Even bad people?"
"Um... maybe bad people! But I get to say if they're bad or not!"
"Well, our King, Eselred, he is probably the most wicked King you have ever heard of, and he has a dragon of his own who doesn't care what it roasts," she explained, "So I rather urgently need your help. What food do you like best?"
"More flowers like that."
"I... suppose I can fetch more flowers from the garden. And to drink? Would you like a cup of tea?"
Erven sighed and picked up his ledger and a quill pen. This would be difficult to explain in the accounts.
39.
Title: Sword and Spear
Fandom: Undertale/The Witcher
Rating: T (spoilers, some mildly explicit talk of sex, almost but not quite a pacifist run)
Word Count: 864
Summary: Undyne is used to fighting against sociopathic mute children with no clue what's going on either, not fully grown, amorous Witchers. Geralt/Undyne/Alphys.
Twirling like a dancer, sword in each hand, the human parried and knocked aside every single one of Undyne's rain of spears. The silver amulet around his neck began to vibrate even more furiously as he approached her, fixing her with yellow feline eyes, and the medallion's own eyes glowed red. She did not back away from his intense gaze but met his attack with two spears that she plucked out of the air as her magic summoned them. Flames played over one of her eyes. Something about this strange white-haired human was bringing out her inner reserves.
"Aard!" he yelled, extending one arm in front of him and arranging his fingers in some sort of gesture. He had already put down his steel sword in the same fluid movement, although his silver sword was still in his other hand. Before Undyne could tell what was going on, some sort of arcane energy radiated from the other hand, turning into a shockwave that knocked her backwards. She staggered, almost thrown off her feet. It was all she could do to bring both spears up in front of her face to protect herself. Without breaking stride, he swung the silver sword around, knocking away both spears, then casually tripped her up. She glared up at the man who held a sword to her throat, her eyes meeting his defiantly, daring him to bring down the finishing blow.
"I can see you trying to reach for more spears. Don't, and I might spare you," he growled.
"A human can cast magic?" she asked, not bothering to dignify his promise with a response. She knew about humans and their promises already.
"I'm not exactly what you'd call an ordinary human," he admitted, a kind of tired humour in his voice, "This is what years of painful alchemical transformation and mutation will do to you."
"How many humans are there like you?"
"Not many, and we can't breed more," he admitted, "Not for lack of effort, mind you. That, and we do very dangerous jobs, like jumping into holes in mountains to deal with the local monster problem."
"So you're here to slaughter us all," she hissed.
"That was the original plan, but so far I've not had a need to. I have a thing against killing monsters if I don't have to, you see, as it's usually so much more profitable to make deals with them, talk about what exactly is giving them so much trouble living peacefully alongside humans," he said, "Especially when there's pretty female monsters involved."
"Asgore won't hear your nonsense. He'll mess up your pretty face with his trident."
He shrugged, "I've dealt with stubborn goats before."
"However did a joker like you get past Toriel?"
"Told her she baked nice pies and that I would never have guessed she already had a child."
"And Sans?"
"The skeleton who was asleep at the watchpost?"
"Never mind... Papyrus?"
"Fetched one of his shin bones back from a dog who ran off with it."
"And, dare I ask, Muffet?"
"Paid her. I'm not exactly hurting for money after the Gwent tournament. I mostly keep working because I don't have anything else to do with my life. A steady relationship just isn't working out for me, you know..."
"You really aren't like the other humans who come down here," she admitted, "You're not a child, for one thing. You certainly aren't quiet..."
"The monsters down here are certainly interesting, too. Was there really a bloody, protracted war with humans? I just can't imagine you guys handling it."
"It's mostly history by now. We're trying to claim our lives back now, re-emerge onto the surface."
"I wouldn't. The humans have bred like rabbits, and they're just as prejudiced as ever," he told her, "They abuse me for being different, too, and all I want is to make their women happy."
"Do you ever think about anything else?" she snarled.
"It's hard not to when you're chatting with a beautiful, fierce young warrior. Don't think blue skin and ears like a drowner will put me off," he warned her, "I've lain with dryads, vampires, succubi..."
"I don't like guys who point swords at me," she told him, "Or humans. Even mutated humans. And besides, I have someone I'm interested in already."
"It's okay, I'll share him," said another voice, quieter with a slight stammer. Geralt glanced behind him to see what appeared to be a lizard in a labcoat, "I get fanfic rights, though! And camera rights!"
"Alphys, get away! This man's dangerous and you're very, very embarrassing!" Undyne told her. Geralt had never seen a fish blush.
"Sounds fine with me," he shrugged, lowering the other sword.
Silver swords were for monsters, steel swords were for humans who acted like monsters, but he had no idea what you used against monsters who acted more human than anyone in the entirety of Novigrad. However, his other 'sword' seemed quite keen to be used, and it hadn't failed him yet.
He would have brought flowers but he had cast Igni on the last one he saw when it started whispering at him and telling him to murder everyone.
40.
Title: Gosling
Fandom: Gemfire/Fire Emblem Heroes
Rating: T (mild language, mild harm to children)
Word Count: 729
Summary: Gweyn wants her own Crown Gem to summon a Fifth Unit from. Erven tries to buy one from the black market. Instead, he buys a summon orb and ends up with Fae. He's in big trouble but at least he now has an adopted grandchild...
"Erven... this isn't a dragon," Gweyn sighed.
"The bloke I bought it off said it was a dragon."
"Look at it, Erven, does it remind you of a dragon even in the slightest?"
"It's the same size as one."
"So it's a really big, fluffy goose. It's still a goose," she said, "It's kind of cute. I can't unleash something that looks like a goose but cute on the battlefield."
"We haven't tested it in battle. I was told that its breath weapon is powerful even among dragons..."
"It looked scared when you mentioned battle. Its big round eyes are leaking," she pointed out, "It's like a puppy. A puppy who eats hats. I'm fairly sure I'm missing a hat from the hat rack you put its cage next to. Erven, are you sure this thing came out of a real Crown Gem?"
"It looks the same as the others."
"So do lots of fakes, and its not like we get a lot of opportunities to see Crown Gems. Why was a Crown Gem on the black market?"
"As a matter of fact, the black marketeers got to most of them long before any of the nobles. Except the nobles who are the ringmasters of the black market, of course. What else do you think is going to happen if a crown just explodes and flings its jewels all over the island?"
"I thought there were only eight gems."
"Only eight major gems. A crown's a complicated, flashy piece of work. There are hundreds of smaller gems, all with some kind of spirit trapped inside," he explained, "That's why this dragon isn't exactly the Fire Dragon. Although I still say it's more dangerous than it looks."
"That wouldn't be hard," she sighed, "Okay, you have one chance to prove it. Go and fling it in the arena with an ork or harpy or prisoner or something. It should be hungry by now - it's trying to eat another hat."
"I think it likes the flowers," said Erven, "I'll go and have a word with the arena master..."
That was when the flash of light happened, blinding both the people in the cluttered office. Both of them dove for cover, expecting an attack. However, all they could hear was the crying of a girl child. In the middle of the cage, sobbing and cowering in the corner with her arms wrapped around her legs, was a small, pink-haired girl in a shabby yellow dress. She had big round green eyes and pointed ears like an elf's.
"Erven! That's a bloody child! Why did you buy a child on the black market with Tordin money?" she demanded, "I almost put the poor thing in serious danger because of you!"
"It was a dragon when I bought it," he protested, "They don't tell me anything about what I'm buying. And you're the one who told me to get hold of a Crown Gem by any means necessary."
"I still say this isn't a bloody Crown Gem," she said, walking over to the cage and unlocking the door, "Here you go, little one. I'm sorry the bad man hurt you. Don't shy away. Put the hat down, we have real food. You do eat real food, don't you? What's your name, child?"
"F... Fae..." whispered the girl, crawling forwards to sniff the proffered hand curiously.
"Fae. Fae Tordin. I like the sound of it."
"You can't just adopt a random child!" protested Erven.
"You can't buy a child either, so we're even," she snapped, "And she's been more use than you so far today, and far cuter. Fae, can you do the dragon thing at will?"
She nodded, "I won't let you use it to hurt people!"
"Even bad people?"
"Um... maybe bad people! But I get to say if they're bad or not!"
"Well, our King, Eselred, he is probably the most wicked King you have ever heard of, and he has a dragon of his own who doesn't care what it roasts," she explained, "So I rather urgently need your help. What food do you like best?"
"More flowers like that."
"I... suppose I can fetch more flowers from the garden. And to drink? Would you like a cup of tea?"
Erven sighed and picked up his ledger and a quill pen. This would be difficult to explain in the accounts.