BLU's Happy Place

[bye_to_yer_head]

Who: BLU Sniper bye_to_yer_head and YOU!
Where: Welcome t' Australia mate! And you didn't even have to get up.
Rating: PG at the most. (shockingly)
Summary: BLU may be a miserable alcoholic, but somewhere, locked away in his mind, is something far, far better. The man he used to be.

Comments

[hasstandards]

"I'm not paranoid," he said, somehow believing his denial over the obvious signs. "I don't want to think about not workin' for RED, or what happens then. I have a hard enough time just figurin' out what I'm supposed to be doin' here, or what I'm doin' wrong with her, or what will become of... us if we ever get out of this godforsaken place."

He took another breath, forcing himself to relax. There was another thought that pushed through his mind as he thought of her and the future, one that unsettled him more than any other. His job had been everything to him, but there was a change in him, a subtle shift that became more and more apparent as the days passed. He'd survived thus far in Paradise without his job- he clung to the last shreds of it, but had ultimately survived without it, despite the difficulty.

He'd barely made it a few days without her, though. If it came down to it, he could live without his job; he couldn't live without her. That feeling welled in him, that lack of control, that knowing that a single misstep could shatter everything- they left him feeling helpless, causing him to fight harder. It wasn't just for his satisfaction- it was about survival.

[bye_to_yer_head]

"It's just a job mate."

And there's where he and RED differed. Without BLU the Sniper would just revert back to what he had been doing before: traveling around, hunting, assassinations for money, bringing in wild game. Whether he was doing it freelance on his own or for a company made no difference to him.

"Ya already think yer doing something wrong?"

[hasstandards]

"I don't know. Probably."

He pulled at his hood, wishing he had his hat, feeling embarrassed and ashamed and angry at himself all at once for even asking for help, even if this was a weird dream and there was a chance neither of them would remember it. It felt real at that moment, and that was enough to draw that irritability out of him.

"I just don't know," he repeated. "Like I've said before, I don't know what I'm doin'." That was the most honest answer he could give.

[bye_to_yer_head]

"Maybe yer jus' thinkin' about it too hard. Or too much. Do somethin' t' get yer mind off it. I'm sure it ain't helpin' that you've been stuck inside with that bum leg of yours." He gave a glance over at the RED.

"Course you don't got it now. Man this place is messin' with me."

[hasstandards]

RED put a hand on his knee, no pain to be felt in it at all. "Me too, mate. Everything Paradise does is just to mess with us, I think."

Pulling his glasses off, he rubbed his hand across his face. As serene as the Outback felt at that moment, he couldn't shake the tiredness that came with his thoughts. "Everything's been mucked up since I got here. I'm not used to bein' confined. Not used to havin' someone watchin' me like she does. Someone wantin' to be around me."

He rubbed the back of his neck, speaking quieter as though there were others around who might listen in to what he was about to say. "I'm not used to feelin' that way about someone, myself."

[bye_to_yer_head]

BLU shrugged. "Jus' something you gotta get used to I guess. I don't know what t' tell ya."

He carved a few more feathers before continuing. "S'not a bad feeling, having someone t' come home to, someone there fer ya."

[hasstandards]

Pushing his glasses into place, RED smiled- lightly, but genuinely. "Yeah. I s'ppose it's not."

He wasn't used to that either... but he was getting there.

[bye_to_yer_head]

"Now yer gettin' it." He grinned easily, still in the mindset of a BLU of 10 years ago. "Try t' think of some of the positives mate."

[hasstandards]

"Hm." His hand ran to the back of his neck again, then to his hood. He felt irritation still at the ears he knew were there, but- "She did care enough to visit me in the hospital. Every day, almost."

It had been an annoyance then, but was something he grew to expect- miss, even, on those days where he watched out the window and wondered when she'd be in.

What else was there? "And she cooks. Knows just how I like my coffee." She paid attention to those minute details, committed them to memory.

It was a sign of just how much she cared for him, how well she knew him inside and out. Though there were still secrets between them, things they hadn't expressed or explained, tales they hadn't told one another, she trusted him and he trusted her on a level that went beyond words- it was one that could never be with anyone else, as far as RED was concerned. He wanted all of her, her flaws making her perfect in his eyes.

[bye_to_yer_head]

"Now yer gettin' it." The BLU relaxed back against the tree, knife flicking out on occasion as he worked on his carving. He was silent while the RED sorted out his thoughts. He could sense that this was a tough thing for his rival, and with good reason. Getting involved with a teammate.. especially someone that you'd have to see die, and occasionally let die just to do your job. Because protecting Pyro wasn't the job, protecting the point was.

"Havin' someone make you coffee is one 'f life's little pleasures." BLU smiled, while he didn't quite have that anymore, he did have a coffee machine that did it automatically for him every morning. And that was good enough.

[hasstandards]

"Right." Of course, with all those good thoughts came a cry from his pessimistic nature, the side that reminded him that loss was coming. It was a beast over which he had no control, one that loomed in the distance, sometimes much closer than he thought.

His expression fell, that smile fading almost as quickly as it had appeared. "I don't think either of those things is gonna make it worth it, though. Coffee and cookin'. Not when this ends badly."

[bye_to_yer_head]

"I dunno how you got it in yer head that it's gonna end badly. How do ya know? Ya only been at this fer a couple 'f months."

[hasstandards]

"We can't keep this up, mate. Especially if one or both of us end up goin' back."

[bye_to_yer_head]

"I see yer point, but I still think yer worrying too much about it." He couldn't imagine being in a place where either he or someone he cared about could suddenly vanish, especially with the kind of relationship that RED and Pyro seemed to have.

"What's she say when ya bring it up?"

[hasstandards]

"We don't talk about it much," RED said, running his hand through his hair again. "She doesn't take people leavin' all that well." And he already knew the depths to which he could sink without her.

"I don't even know what happens when ya go back. If you remember this place or not." He didn't look particularly happy about the prospect of forgetting all he'd gained in Paradise entirely; however, the thought they might remember, but could no longer have their relationship and keep their jobs, settled no better with him.

[bye_to_yer_head]

"Th' bloke that runs th' radio station went home and came back, said he didn't remember none of it when he got home. Don't know how I feel 'bout that."

He tucked the carving into his shirt pocket, doffing his hat so he could run both hands through his hair. "So ya really should make th' most of it while ya can. In case it all ends."