BLU's Happy Place
Who: BLU Sniper bye_to_yer_head and YOU!
Where: Welcome t' Australia mate! And you didn't even have to get up.
Rating: PG at the most. (shockingly)
Summary: BLU may be a miserable alcoholic, but somewhere, locked away in his mind, is something far, far better. The man he used to be.
( A taste of life before the bottle... )
Where: Welcome t' Australia mate! And you didn't even have to get up.
Rating: PG at the most. (shockingly)
Summary: BLU may be a miserable alcoholic, but somewhere, locked away in his mind, is something far, far better. The man he used to be.
( A taste of life before the bottle... )
He pondered the chances he'd actually see Australia again, in the flesh and with his own eyes. It seemed no one could leave Paradise of their own accord- he doubted it even existed in the world he came from, as odd as that sounded. With people and talking animals coming from all over, it made the most sense. After all, Bentley came from a place where humans didn't exist. Paradise could be like that, he reasoned.
Along with the thought he might never see his homeland again came other things, notions he'd tried to ignore; however, considering where he was and the thought BLU might not remember it- RED couldn't remember anyone entering his dreams (not even Miss Pauling, though he'd already suspected she might have been bluffing to keep him behaving and he'd actually not had a single person wandering his mind, which was a glimmer of optimism in him talking)- he hated to waste an opportunity.
Not that he was particularly interested in BLU's history, of course. This was for his own personal benefit- he had to be honest that things with Pyro were always shaky for him. Relationships were not his strength, and probably never would be.
He cleared his throat again, scratching at the side of his face. "What's it like, mate?"
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"Oh. It's ... It's real nice. Almost forgot how much I miss this life, till I'm suddenly back here." The birds waddled around the shore while the wind picked up a gentle breeze. It was perfect, just the way he remembered it. Back when he didn't have to die on a daily basis, back when he didn't kill people for a living, back when everything was in his life seemed to be working out.
"It's worth it mate, even if it don't work out in the end. It's worth it."
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Hn. Attachment. It was a dangerous game, one RED still wasn't sure he wanted to play. He didn't know if he could win- he liked a challenge, but when the odds were all stacked against him and the risk was monumental, was the outcome even worth it?
BLU's relationship didn't last, and he still said it was. Whatever happened, whether she died, moved on, or if he decided to end it, it didn't matter- it was still worth it, all the energy and time spent, memories made, secrets shared.
RED sighed. If there was anyone whose opinion he felt he could trust... it was BLU. It wasn't the matter that BLU had saved his life, nor was it that they were both Snipers and professionals. They understood each other, what made the other tick at his basest level. It had been apparent during his visits in the hospital, and was only made clearer by the fact that BLU knew what was going on with him and Pyro, had seen and recognized the signs because he'd been there himself.
Trust was a hard thing for RED to come by and to give to others, but it needed to be done. His parents were dead, Spy was gone, and the dog couldn't tell him what to do when it came to his relationship with Pyro. As much as he wanted to think he could handle things on his own, RED knew better- and if there was anything he didn't want to do, it was to make a mess of things and lose her. As a man who seemingly specialized in making situations worse, he knew he would need help.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know if it'll be worth it in the end, what Pyro and I've got."
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BLU picked the bird carving back up, turning it over and over in his hands just so he'd have something to look at. His eyes softened a bit, even in the dream world he knew what was going to happen: He was going to drive home with a mess of fish, give her the carving and she was going to throw her arms around him and tell him he was wonderful.
Wonderful. For now anyway.
Sighing he spoke up again, his eyes never leaving the carving. "Well ya ain't been at it that long. Give it time mate. Jus' give it time."
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He scratched his head with more fervor, wishing his hat was there, feeling those nervous habits take hold of him as he tried to push down what more there was to say. Even if they did both remain at Paradise, the chances of him ruining a good thing were high. They always were.
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He almost laughed at the thought that a Spy would inadvertently figure out how to leave Paradise. Though he actually thought it was just at random and was trying to make RED feel a bit better about his chances.
"You go on with that attitude it's no wonder yer always cranky. Though you could end it an' break her heart if that would make you feel better."
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His posture tightened, legs drawn closer in some reflex to protect himself, as though the simple act of telling the truth was an attack on him. He let out a frustrated snort. "I can't. I need her."
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"Look mate, I ain't sayin' this thing between you an' Pyro is all fantastic, because yer teammates an' you never should 'ave let yerself get mixed up with her in th' first place. But ya did, and you can't change that now. So you can either leave her, which ya don't want t' do, or jus' go along with it. It ain't bad t' have someone you care about, who cares about you. Yer actin' loike she's secretly a Spy or something."
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Still, he knew BLU was right. He certainly didn't act like he fully trusted her. "Look, I'm tryin'. I don't-" A breath, in and out. "It's... havin' someone like that, where we watch out for one another- it gets me riled up. It's like everyone's out to get her suddenly, lookin' to take her away. It's harder and harder to ignore."
And some days, like the one where he confronted her mother, he didn't ignore it at all.
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"Ya ain't gonna be workin' for RED forever. It'll actually be better when ya ain't foightin' on a daily basis." Because out on the field, everyone was out to get her. "I don't have any advoice fer ya there, except that ya need to relax."
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He took another breath, forcing himself to relax. There was another thought that pushed through his mind as he thought of her and the future, one that unsettled him more than any other. His job had been everything to him, but there was a change in him, a subtle shift that became more and more apparent as the days passed. He'd survived thus far in Paradise without his job- he clung to the last shreds of it, but had ultimately survived without it, despite the difficulty.
He'd barely made it a few days without her, though. If it came down to it, he could live without his job; he couldn't live without her. That feeling welled in him, that lack of control, that knowing that a single misstep could shatter everything- they left him feeling helpless, causing him to fight harder. It wasn't just for his satisfaction- it was about survival.
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And there's where he and RED differed. Without BLU the Sniper would just revert back to what he had been doing before: traveling around, hunting, assassinations for money, bringing in wild game. Whether he was doing it freelance on his own or for a company made no difference to him.
"Ya already think yer doing something wrong?"
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He pulled at his hood, wishing he had his hat, feeling embarrassed and ashamed and angry at himself all at once for even asking for help, even if this was a weird dream and there was a chance neither of them would remember it. It felt real at that moment, and that was enough to draw that irritability out of him.
"I just don't know," he repeated. "Like I've said before, I don't know what I'm doin'." That was the most honest answer he could give.
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"Course you don't got it now. Man this place is messin' with me."
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Pulling his glasses off, he rubbed his hand across his face. As serene as the Outback felt at that moment, he couldn't shake the tiredness that came with his thoughts. "Everything's been mucked up since I got here. I'm not used to bein' confined. Not used to havin' someone watchin' me like she does. Someone wantin' to be around me."
He rubbed the back of his neck, speaking quieter as though there were others around who might listen in to what he was about to say. "I'm not used to feelin' that way about someone, myself."
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He carved a few more feathers before continuing. "S'not a bad feeling, having someone t' come home to, someone there fer ya."
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