(no subject)
I have a lot of words just swimming around inside my head.
But I can’t for the life of me catch the right ones. Considering the place in time, nothing sounds perfectly appropriate or fitting and instead, I’m deduced to merely describing the big picture long-form. That’ll have to do, because I certainly don’t know how to feel.
In the next twelve hours, I’ll be holding my diploma and officially be leaving my high school forever. And I figured out the other day that I’ve been lying to myself: I really am scared as hell. Which scares me even more.
Fuck that.
I’m emotionally equipped to handle anything.
Hardly anything even fazes me.
If it’s my signature self-defense mechanism that I can’t take anything seriously, why isn’t it working?
I don’t like thinking about the future, and ironically, that’s what I think about most. I don’t care what people think; if I should end up being considered a success or what. I have to get myself there, nobody else. And this time I really am scared.
And all of the things and people that I’m leaving behind, there’s always summer. So let’s put that into effect. I’m excited to see the little kids that I love grow up whenever I find my way back to those halls; more excited than I am to witness myself go through the same process. I don’t know if that can be considered a good or bad thing, one way or the other. Just know that as sketchy as I am and hard to communicate with, I honestly do love the hell out of you kids. Consider this me hanging up my hat.
And now, I’m waiting.
All good things have endings.
But I can’t for the life of me catch the right ones. Considering the place in time, nothing sounds perfectly appropriate or fitting and instead, I’m deduced to merely describing the big picture long-form. That’ll have to do, because I certainly don’t know how to feel.
In the next twelve hours, I’ll be holding my diploma and officially be leaving my high school forever. And I figured out the other day that I’ve been lying to myself: I really am scared as hell. Which scares me even more.
Fuck that.
I’m emotionally equipped to handle anything.
Hardly anything even fazes me.
If it’s my signature self-defense mechanism that I can’t take anything seriously, why isn’t it working?
I don’t like thinking about the future, and ironically, that’s what I think about most. I don’t care what people think; if I should end up being considered a success or what. I have to get myself there, nobody else. And this time I really am scared.
And all of the things and people that I’m leaving behind, there’s always summer. So let’s put that into effect. I’m excited to see the little kids that I love grow up whenever I find my way back to those halls; more excited than I am to witness myself go through the same process. I don’t know if that can be considered a good or bad thing, one way or the other. Just know that as sketchy as I am and hard to communicate with, I honestly do love the hell out of you kids. Consider this me hanging up my hat.
And now, I’m waiting.
All good things have endings.