ive been doing lots of thinking which is normal
I'm not sure what set it off but recently I've been questioning my decision making abilities. I recently wrote in one of my other journals that some of my dreams are so old that I'm not sure how relevant they are to the me that is now compared to the me that was then, when they were made.
Ive not done much this year, Ive been to a few gigs and went abroad with jay to Bulgaria. I haven't been to a con in years or watched anime for several months, Ive kind of out grown the whole thing. I would like to go to London next year, I like it there (don't always like the people) but I like day trips there. I've seen friends get married and some have even had children. It's been a year when the friends I went through secondary school with have started to grow up.
I'm in a well paid job that will lead to better opportunities because I can afford to save up and make them happen. But I am currently still undecided about Japan.
I've said yes I know but I have several (8) months before I go and unfortunately that's long enough for anyone to think themselves out of a deal they never even thought would happen. Recently I've been trying to decide whats most important to me and what I can and can't live with regrets wise. Ive let people stand in my way or sway my decisions in the past and it wasn't their fault but mine for being weak and I don't think its something I've ever learned to over come. My heart always over rules my head. I've been wracking my brains quite a lot recently as to what I really want in life any more and in all honesty, I' not 100% sure and that's what makes me feel so frustrated. I'm always trying to put down roots, make plans, find a sense of direction (its how the whole applying for a job in Japan even happened) but I've recently become aware that it's actually O.K, to not have a plan and to not know whats going on and ware your going in your life but I'm finding it very hard to stick to because I'm the sort of person who likes to make plans. Big, small, unimportant, life changing, it doesn't matter but I do like to have them in place and suddenly I'm not sure I'm on the right course.
How do you even know?
Ive not done much this year, Ive been to a few gigs and went abroad with jay to Bulgaria. I haven't been to a con in years or watched anime for several months, Ive kind of out grown the whole thing. I would like to go to London next year, I like it there (don't always like the people) but I like day trips there. I've seen friends get married and some have even had children. It's been a year when the friends I went through secondary school with have started to grow up.
I'm in a well paid job that will lead to better opportunities because I can afford to save up and make them happen. But I am currently still undecided about Japan.
I've said yes I know but I have several (8) months before I go and unfortunately that's long enough for anyone to think themselves out of a deal they never even thought would happen. Recently I've been trying to decide whats most important to me and what I can and can't live with regrets wise. Ive let people stand in my way or sway my decisions in the past and it wasn't their fault but mine for being weak and I don't think its something I've ever learned to over come. My heart always over rules my head. I've been wracking my brains quite a lot recently as to what I really want in life any more and in all honesty, I' not 100% sure and that's what makes me feel so frustrated. I'm always trying to put down roots, make plans, find a sense of direction (its how the whole applying for a job in Japan even happened) but I've recently become aware that it's actually O.K, to not have a plan and to not know whats going on and ware your going in your life but I'm finding it very hard to stick to because I'm the sort of person who likes to make plans. Big, small, unimportant, life changing, it doesn't matter but I do like to have them in place and suddenly I'm not sure I'm on the right course.
How do you even know?