All the Suns in the Universe (CCS, Eriol/Sakura, #12)
Title: All the Suns in the Universe
Author/Artist: khaas
Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura
Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)
Theme: #12. in a good mood
Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me.
She had gone to his house for the day. The sun was out, gleaming in a sky so clear and uniformly blue that her gaze drowned in it each time she found herself staring.
His eyes, she was reminded of for brief moments.
She arrived shortly before noon, and he greeted her with a short kiss on her forehead the minute he opened the door.
"Lunch?" he asked.
"Isn't it a bit early?"
"No."
She spent about ten minutes helping him before he pushed her away from the kitchen area to sit and wait. ("It's not that you are lacking in this, but you are a guest.") So she sat by the small dining table, her eyes following his movements whenever he moved to another part of the kitchen. A nearby clock chimed 12pm three times, which consisted of a loud series of short piano keys hit in precise, short moments. He continued to slice a loaf of bread, listening for the subtle noise of boiling water from the kettle.
Sakura closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, listening to the world move around her. She could smell the food, a strong fragrance of something done cooking in a pot. She could hear him opening and closing cabinets, a rustling of clothing, the silent steps of his feet. She finally opened her eyes again when she felt his fingers run through her hair. He smiled at her.
"Your tea is ready."
She went to help.
After lunch, they walked to his library on the second floor, a room surrounded by windows on two adjacent walls, and endless shelves of books on the remaining two. She entered in first, continued to the other side of the room to jump onto a large couch that had been warmed by the sun's rays. She heard him follow. He sat down next to her, relaxing on one of the corners of the couch with the armrest supporting half of his back. Grinning, she reached an arm up. He followed through, in that he grabbed her, and pulled her into his grasp. She rested her head on his chest, in the groove between his shoulder, arm, and chest, and giggled when he placed his chin on the top of her head. He wrapped his arms around her, eyes closed, enjoying the moment.
The sun poured in from the windows and they basked in the warmth of it for unspoken moments. She loved him so much. More than the sky. More than the sun. More than anyone. More than promises. More than hopes.
A sudden spark of thought.
"Maybe we have met, before we were born."
A shred in the silence. He sensed a change in the mood that encompassed them.
"What?"
"How could we have met before we were born?"
Eriol laughed. "What? You mean what I said that first day I saw you in school? Well, we did, didn't we?"
"No," she scowled. "I met Clow, before YOU were born. But what about my former self? Do I have a former self?"
Eriol shook his head. "You're misreading the phrase. It's in terms of time, not pre-reincarnated selves. BEFORE either of us were born, in the far past, you had an encounter with my former self, Clow."
"Technically, I never met you, then. I met Clow Reed, before either of us was born."
Resolute tone.
Eriol sighed. "If you say so..."
Sakura tensed in his arms. "Don't humor me," she whispered.
"I'm not. I just don't understand why you brought this up so suddenly."
"... I have problems with our history, with the time when your incidences in Tomoeda forced me to change the cards to fit my power."
"What would you rather have me do? Go and tell you?"
"Yes, but unfortunately, you had your own reasons to make me do it, and thus kept everything secretive. You could have trusted me, Eriol."
"Oh, really?” She hated that tone in his voice. She loved his voice, but hated that tone. “I could have walked up to your front door and said, 'Excuse me, Kinomoto Sakura-san? I am Eriol. Please change all your Clow Cards into Sakura Cards so that your magic will become stronger. Then, use that strong magic and split my own magic in two so YOU can hold the title of Most Powerful, while I go relax and get a cup of coffee. Bye.' Would that have worked?"
She clenched her teeth, jaw tight. "I have no regrets of who I am.”
"Which is great. But I had no guarantees that you would feel this way."
"... then what am I to you, Eriol? Am I just a puppet? Was I always?"
"You are never. Why would you assume that?"
"You strung me, my guardians, everyone, except for a selected few, along the entire way. I am who I am because of your own desires. I now have the option to see in the future, whether I want this option or not, because of what you desire. I was devastated when you finally decided to outright fight me and explained what the conditions were. Make my whole world fall asleep? That was no challenge. You could have easily beaten me. And yet you didn't, because you planned all this out to fit your own needs. But, then I begin to wonder. I feel dread sometimes, thinking about it. If you were angry enough, would you have really done as you had said?”
“Stop delving into this. There’s no need for it.”
“Would you?”
“Who would I have to talk to if I did that?”
She turned to sit up and look at him, a hard glare of cold anger hitting him. “So you see? It’s still just a game, and I am only a piece. ‘Maybe we have met, before we were born’? Why say that to me? Why riddle me with little clues and then nothing until the very end, Eriol?! Could I not have fitted the puzzle together sooner? You got to know me, you trusted me. Why did you have to deceive me for so long?! Did you trust me? Was I not worth it, unlike Mizuki-sensei?”
At that point, he reached for her. She moved back, but his reach caught her shoulders and pulled her forward. “Stop it,” he said, his voice low, staring into her eyes. “You look like you’re almost on the verge of tears over this.”
“I’m stronger than that.”
“Good, but that still doesn’t excuse these accusations you’re making. Yes, I am who I am. What I have seen and what I have experienced gave me this personality. You may not like this, but I do view humanity with a certain bit of cynicism. And you were 11 years old at the time.”
“I’m not all that much older now.”
“Good observation. Yet I love you all the same. I want you to be by my side, and I want you to accept who I am. Besides, we were different then, as we are different now from when we were even younger, and different from whom we will be in the future. At that time, Kaho and I had a connection. You and Syaoran were the same. We were younger.”
She gave herself a few minutes to take this in, before continuing the conversation.
“...I lied. It’s true.”
“What?”
“Regrets,” she finally admitted, sighing and falling back onto his chest. “I do have them. Constantly.”
“Of course. You can never live on the edge, but instead can have only one or the other, 100% of the time. You have to walk the border between knowing and never. And you can never have both. Along my old lifetime, I did make that choice somewhere, and I can barely remember a period when I could not see into the future.”
She closed her eyes. “At this moment, I have no desire to see. But I always worry: what if I do? What if, in the future, I do want to? Will I be saddened, like what happened to Clow? Will I see it as a curse? How long will it last as a blessing? Will I burn my own self and separate the ashes into two, three, or more to be rid of it?” She turned so her cheek pressed against his heartbeat, moved to touch her lips lightly on that exact spot, and placed her cheek back on it. “Yes, I do have regrets. Sometimes, I wonder if I could have done something different, if I could have somehow left the burden on you. If maybe I can always blame you for this.”
He rested his hand on her head. “I know. Yet magic changes. Yours has traits that mine does not, and mine had some that yours could never reach. Maybe you will be the one to find the answer.”
“Is it because my star is not your sun?”
“Yes. But remember, all stars are suns and all suns are stars. Yours is a still sun and mine is still a star.”
Sakura smiled. “Which of all the ones out there do you think I’m depending on?”
“The sun that suits you most.”
“Which one? Tell me,” she insisted.
“How should I know?” he laughed.
Silence filled the atmosphere. She nestled herself back into that spot of his body that she rested on before. His chin returned to the top of her head, his arms around her. The sun was still shining brightly in the sky, in the middle of the sea of blue that never changed in tone or shade as wide as the peripheral vision could reach.
Sakura grinned. Her eyelids felt heavy, so she shut her eyes and listened to her own breathing. A while later, she angled her head up and nuzzled his neck, before looking up into eyes that were already gazing down at her.
“I want to go stargazing sometime.”
He loved her. Always. Never. Forever. Sporadically. Momentarily. Instantly. Constantly. Whenever. As far as the blue can reach as she drowned herself in the sky. As long as she could see, feel, touch, breath, he will captivate her.
“Of course,” he said.
Author/Artist: khaas
Pairing: Hiirigizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura
Fandom: Card Captor Sakura (manga)
Theme: #12. in a good mood
Disclaimer: CCS does NOT belong to me.
She had gone to his house for the day. The sun was out, gleaming in a sky so clear and uniformly blue that her gaze drowned in it each time she found herself staring.
His eyes, she was reminded of for brief moments.
She arrived shortly before noon, and he greeted her with a short kiss on her forehead the minute he opened the door.
"Lunch?" he asked.
"Isn't it a bit early?"
"No."
She spent about ten minutes helping him before he pushed her away from the kitchen area to sit and wait. ("It's not that you are lacking in this, but you are a guest.") So she sat by the small dining table, her eyes following his movements whenever he moved to another part of the kitchen. A nearby clock chimed 12pm three times, which consisted of a loud series of short piano keys hit in precise, short moments. He continued to slice a loaf of bread, listening for the subtle noise of boiling water from the kettle.
Sakura closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, listening to the world move around her. She could smell the food, a strong fragrance of something done cooking in a pot. She could hear him opening and closing cabinets, a rustling of clothing, the silent steps of his feet. She finally opened her eyes again when she felt his fingers run through her hair. He smiled at her.
"Your tea is ready."
She went to help.
After lunch, they walked to his library on the second floor, a room surrounded by windows on two adjacent walls, and endless shelves of books on the remaining two. She entered in first, continued to the other side of the room to jump onto a large couch that had been warmed by the sun's rays. She heard him follow. He sat down next to her, relaxing on one of the corners of the couch with the armrest supporting half of his back. Grinning, she reached an arm up. He followed through, in that he grabbed her, and pulled her into his grasp. She rested her head on his chest, in the groove between his shoulder, arm, and chest, and giggled when he placed his chin on the top of her head. He wrapped his arms around her, eyes closed, enjoying the moment.
The sun poured in from the windows and they basked in the warmth of it for unspoken moments. She loved him so much. More than the sky. More than the sun. More than anyone. More than promises. More than hopes.
A sudden spark of thought.
"Maybe we have met, before we were born."
A shred in the silence. He sensed a change in the mood that encompassed them.
"What?"
"How could we have met before we were born?"
Eriol laughed. "What? You mean what I said that first day I saw you in school? Well, we did, didn't we?"
"No," she scowled. "I met Clow, before YOU were born. But what about my former self? Do I have a former self?"
Eriol shook his head. "You're misreading the phrase. It's in terms of time, not pre-reincarnated selves. BEFORE either of us were born, in the far past, you had an encounter with my former self, Clow."
"Technically, I never met you, then. I met Clow Reed, before either of us was born."
Resolute tone.
Eriol sighed. "If you say so..."
Sakura tensed in his arms. "Don't humor me," she whispered.
"I'm not. I just don't understand why you brought this up so suddenly."
"... I have problems with our history, with the time when your incidences in Tomoeda forced me to change the cards to fit my power."
"What would you rather have me do? Go and tell you?"
"Yes, but unfortunately, you had your own reasons to make me do it, and thus kept everything secretive. You could have trusted me, Eriol."
"Oh, really?” She hated that tone in his voice. She loved his voice, but hated that tone. “I could have walked up to your front door and said, 'Excuse me, Kinomoto Sakura-san? I am Eriol. Please change all your Clow Cards into Sakura Cards so that your magic will become stronger. Then, use that strong magic and split my own magic in two so YOU can hold the title of Most Powerful, while I go relax and get a cup of coffee. Bye.' Would that have worked?"
She clenched her teeth, jaw tight. "I have no regrets of who I am.”
"Which is great. But I had no guarantees that you would feel this way."
"... then what am I to you, Eriol? Am I just a puppet? Was I always?"
"You are never. Why would you assume that?"
"You strung me, my guardians, everyone, except for a selected few, along the entire way. I am who I am because of your own desires. I now have the option to see in the future, whether I want this option or not, because of what you desire. I was devastated when you finally decided to outright fight me and explained what the conditions were. Make my whole world fall asleep? That was no challenge. You could have easily beaten me. And yet you didn't, because you planned all this out to fit your own needs. But, then I begin to wonder. I feel dread sometimes, thinking about it. If you were angry enough, would you have really done as you had said?”
“Stop delving into this. There’s no need for it.”
“Would you?”
“Who would I have to talk to if I did that?”
She turned to sit up and look at him, a hard glare of cold anger hitting him. “So you see? It’s still just a game, and I am only a piece. ‘Maybe we have met, before we were born’? Why say that to me? Why riddle me with little clues and then nothing until the very end, Eriol?! Could I not have fitted the puzzle together sooner? You got to know me, you trusted me. Why did you have to deceive me for so long?! Did you trust me? Was I not worth it, unlike Mizuki-sensei?”
At that point, he reached for her. She moved back, but his reach caught her shoulders and pulled her forward. “Stop it,” he said, his voice low, staring into her eyes. “You look like you’re almost on the verge of tears over this.”
“I’m stronger than that.”
“Good, but that still doesn’t excuse these accusations you’re making. Yes, I am who I am. What I have seen and what I have experienced gave me this personality. You may not like this, but I do view humanity with a certain bit of cynicism. And you were 11 years old at the time.”
“I’m not all that much older now.”
“Good observation. Yet I love you all the same. I want you to be by my side, and I want you to accept who I am. Besides, we were different then, as we are different now from when we were even younger, and different from whom we will be in the future. At that time, Kaho and I had a connection. You and Syaoran were the same. We were younger.”
She gave herself a few minutes to take this in, before continuing the conversation.
“...I lied. It’s true.”
“What?”
“Regrets,” she finally admitted, sighing and falling back onto his chest. “I do have them. Constantly.”
“Of course. You can never live on the edge, but instead can have only one or the other, 100% of the time. You have to walk the border between knowing and never. And you can never have both. Along my old lifetime, I did make that choice somewhere, and I can barely remember a period when I could not see into the future.”
She closed her eyes. “At this moment, I have no desire to see. But I always worry: what if I do? What if, in the future, I do want to? Will I be saddened, like what happened to Clow? Will I see it as a curse? How long will it last as a blessing? Will I burn my own self and separate the ashes into two, three, or more to be rid of it?” She turned so her cheek pressed against his heartbeat, moved to touch her lips lightly on that exact spot, and placed her cheek back on it. “Yes, I do have regrets. Sometimes, I wonder if I could have done something different, if I could have somehow left the burden on you. If maybe I can always blame you for this.”
He rested his hand on her head. “I know. Yet magic changes. Yours has traits that mine does not, and mine had some that yours could never reach. Maybe you will be the one to find the answer.”
“Is it because my star is not your sun?”
“Yes. But remember, all stars are suns and all suns are stars. Yours is a still sun and mine is still a star.”
Sakura smiled. “Which of all the ones out there do you think I’m depending on?”
“The sun that suits you most.”
“Which one? Tell me,” she insisted.
“How should I know?” he laughed.
Silence filled the atmosphere. She nestled herself back into that spot of his body that she rested on before. His chin returned to the top of her head, his arms around her. The sun was still shining brightly in the sky, in the middle of the sea of blue that never changed in tone or shade as wide as the peripheral vision could reach.
Sakura grinned. Her eyelids felt heavy, so she shut her eyes and listened to her own breathing. A while later, she angled her head up and nuzzled his neck, before looking up into eyes that were already gazing down at her.
“I want to go stargazing sometime.”
He loved her. Always. Never. Forever. Sporadically. Momentarily. Instantly. Constantly. Whenever. As far as the blue can reach as she drowned herself in the sky. As long as she could see, feel, touch, breath, he will captivate her.
“Of course,” he said.