Return of the Wolf ch. 6 (Fushigi Yuugi, Tasuki/Kouji, #1 look over here)
And now, I finally finish this story arc!
Title: Return of the Wolf
Chapter 6 - Looking Back, Looking Forward
Author: kimuracarter
Pairing: Tasuki/Kouji
Fandom: Fushigi Yuugi
Theme: #1 look over here
Genre: drama/angst
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; they belong to Watase Yuu. This is for entertainment purposes only, not for profit.
Kouji
I looked around the room I had shared with Genrou as the light through the single window began to fade. I thought about the life we had built together since leaving the palace. Other than Genrou’s memory problems and nightmares, it had been heaven. I’d found pure joy in watching Genrou’s health return, see him learning new skills and discovering new hobbies.
We had been living on generous grants from Empress Houki. I had planned to stop accepting them as soon as Genrou and I were ready to find work.
Although I prayed every night that Genrou’s mind would be restored, I didn’t think about what would happen if it were.
I loved Genrou with every fiber of my being.
But I knew that he had simply loved me back for taking care of him. He had needed me, and I was there for him. That was where it had ended. He hadn’t been capable of understanding more than that.
But it had been enough for him, and it had been enough for me. Was I selfish enough to wish that he had stayed that way … just so things could stay the way they had been?
No, not quite.
“Kouji?”
Even his voice sounded different. This wasn’t the man that had loved me.
“Yeah?” My own voice sounded thick.
“What’s wrong?” He kept his distance.
“It’s - nothing.”
“Bull shit. Talk to me.”
I stared out the window, watching the fading light. “I’ll head back to Reikaku tonight. I just need to pack my things.”
“What?! Why the fuck would you do that?!”
“Because you don’t need me anymore, Genrou. I love you. But you only loved me because you needed me, because I kept you safe. I know that it’s not more than that. It’s better if we just go our separate ways, now that you can lead your own life.”
There was a long moment of silence. I could see tears running down my reflection in the window, though I couldn’t feel them.
I would start packing right away, as soon as he left the room. I just couldn’t do it with him watching.
“Hey. Look over here.”
At length, I turned to face him.
“You’re a fucking idiot. And you’re wrong about two things. First, I do still need you. Just because I got my memory back doesn’t mean that all my wounds have healed.” Tears spilt down his face. “I don’t want to face all that alone. And second, I loved you before all of this happened, you aho. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done, Kouji. But that’s not why I love you. But if you’re gonna leave . . .” He cut himself off and angrily jabbed at the tears on his face. “Then just go.”
He had barely turned towards the door when I grabbed him and pulled him in for a heated kiss.
“You really mean it?” I gasped in between kisses.
“Yes, you fucking MORON!” he shouted, kissing me back with equal enthusiasm.
We slowed our caresses after a moment, and I tenderly kissed his forehead. “I’m sorry, Genrou. I promised you that I wouldn’t leave, and I won’t.”
My salty tears fell into his fiery hair as he whispered, “Ai shiteru, Kouji.”
“I love you, too, Genrou.”
Title: Return of the Wolf
Chapter 6 - Looking Back, Looking Forward
Author: kimuracarter
Pairing: Tasuki/Kouji
Fandom: Fushigi Yuugi
Theme: #1 look over here
Genre: drama/angst
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; they belong to Watase Yuu. This is for entertainment purposes only, not for profit.
Kouji
I looked around the room I had shared with Genrou as the light through the single window began to fade. I thought about the life we had built together since leaving the palace. Other than Genrou’s memory problems and nightmares, it had been heaven. I’d found pure joy in watching Genrou’s health return, see him learning new skills and discovering new hobbies.
We had been living on generous grants from Empress Houki. I had planned to stop accepting them as soon as Genrou and I were ready to find work.
Although I prayed every night that Genrou’s mind would be restored, I didn’t think about what would happen if it were.
I loved Genrou with every fiber of my being.
But I knew that he had simply loved me back for taking care of him. He had needed me, and I was there for him. That was where it had ended. He hadn’t been capable of understanding more than that.
But it had been enough for him, and it had been enough for me. Was I selfish enough to wish that he had stayed that way … just so things could stay the way they had been?
No, not quite.
“Kouji?”
Even his voice sounded different. This wasn’t the man that had loved me.
“Yeah?” My own voice sounded thick.
“What’s wrong?” He kept his distance.
“It’s - nothing.”
“Bull shit. Talk to me.”
I stared out the window, watching the fading light. “I’ll head back to Reikaku tonight. I just need to pack my things.”
“What?! Why the fuck would you do that?!”
“Because you don’t need me anymore, Genrou. I love you. But you only loved me because you needed me, because I kept you safe. I know that it’s not more than that. It’s better if we just go our separate ways, now that you can lead your own life.”
There was a long moment of silence. I could see tears running down my reflection in the window, though I couldn’t feel them.
I would start packing right away, as soon as he left the room. I just couldn’t do it with him watching.
“Hey. Look over here.”
At length, I turned to face him.
“You’re a fucking idiot. And you’re wrong about two things. First, I do still need you. Just because I got my memory back doesn’t mean that all my wounds have healed.” Tears spilt down his face. “I don’t want to face all that alone. And second, I loved you before all of this happened, you aho. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done, Kouji. But that’s not why I love you. But if you’re gonna leave . . .” He cut himself off and angrily jabbed at the tears on his face. “Then just go.”
He had barely turned towards the door when I grabbed him and pulled him in for a heated kiss.
“You really mean it?” I gasped in between kisses.
“Yes, you fucking MORON!” he shouted, kissing me back with equal enthusiasm.
We slowed our caresses after a moment, and I tenderly kissed his forehead. “I’m sorry, Genrou. I promised you that I wouldn’t leave, and I won’t.”
My salty tears fell into his fiery hair as he whispered, “Ai shiteru, Kouji.”
“I love you, too, Genrou.”