25. the road unravelled
41701 / 50000
So close to the end, you guys! It's funny - before I started writing this fic, I was really intimidated by the prospect of writing Effy PoV, but she's become one of my favourites to write about.
25. the road unravelled
Effy.
1635 words
Effy's high when she goes to see Katie. Not completely off her tits, but she's been smoking spliff all afternoon and it must be that which made her think it would be a good idea to pay a visit to Katie, because she can't think of any other reason.
It's a good thing that it's not either of Katie's parents who open the door, because if they found her on their doorstep, high and wanting to speak to Katie, they'd probably think she was going to attack her again. Instead it's Katie who answers the door, and Effy can see her expression slip when she sees who it is, like a second ago she felt like she had no troubles in the world, and now they've all arrived on her doorstep.
Effy wishes she could remember why she came.
"Hi." Katie sounds confused rather than hostile. "What are you doing here?"
For a moment Effy tries to think of an excuse, but as she hasn't even got anything to apologise for any more, she settles for the truth. "I don't really know." Just as she's contemplating leaving--this hadn't been a good idea--Katie stops her.
"All right, well, I've been meaning to ask--" She pauses for a moment, then looks Effy straight in the eye. "The other week, you and Emily. You didn't sleep with her, did you? Because she said you didn't, but then she also said she couldn't remember, so I just wanted to check."
"I didn't."
Katie exhales, visibly relieved. "Okay, well... thanks for looking after her, I suppose."
"No problem," Effy says. "If I'd known you were there, I would have let you take her home."
"Yeah, well, she's doing a bit better now. Less, like, epic heartbreak, more concentrating on revision."
"I'm glad."
Katie smiles, then she glances over her shoulder and says, "Look, I'd better go, I'm sort of in the middle of something."
"Oh. What are you doing?"
She gets another smile on her face, wider than before; she looks happier than Effy's seen her in a while. "We're, like, baking."
"Baking?"
"Well, okay, we're making vodka jelly, but it's kind of a covert operation because James is around."
"Sounds like fun." Effy's tempted to ask if she can join them, but she doesn't expect an invitation to be forthcoming.
"Yeah, it is," Katie says, and when there's the sound of footsteps she turns around and says, "Oh, hey, babe."
It's JJ, of course; Effy doesn't know why she'd assumed Katie was with Emily. She watches as Katie gives JJ a quick kiss, and thinks that it would actually be cute if it didn't make her feel like shit.
"Hi, Effy," JJ says, but although he sounds friendly enough he looks a bit suspicious. Effy wonders what Katie told him about them. Fuck, she doesn't even know what Katie thinks about it; they've never spoken about the fact that they fucked three times back in January, and now it looks like Katie's carrying on like it never happened. There's nothing wrong with meaningless sex, Effy's had plenty of it herself, but with Katie it hadn't felt meaningless like with all the others.
"I should go," Effy says, and maybe she's imagining it, but for a second when she looks at Katie she thinks she sees something like regret.
"Yeah, okay," Katie says, and Effy nods; she's probably past the point where Katie might run after her and change her mind. Still Effy wants to kiss her, just to see, but JJ's right there and it isn't fair on him. Isn't fair on any of them, really.
Effy turns and walks away, not quite as quickly as she wants to. She wanders through the streets of Bristol for a while without any particular destination in mind, and she ends up by the harbour. The sun is starting to set; Effy sits for a while and watches the shifting colours reflect on the water. She takes out a cigarette, but when she tries her lighter half a dozen times it refuses to light, and she tosses it into the river in frustration.
"Effy?"
She looks round and sees Pandora a few feet away, walking towards her. "Haven't got a light, have you?" she asks, and Panda settles down beside her and fishes her lighter out of her pocket.
"Are you all right, Eff?" Panda asks. Effy just shrugs and hands her a cigarette, which Pandora takes with a smile. But it's never easy to shut Pandora up, and after a minute she says, "You look really sad, Eff."
"That's because I am." She stares out across the harbour to avoid looking Pandora in the eye.
"But why?"
Effy finds herself smiling, it's that ridiculous. "How do you get over someone who doesn't want you like you want them?"
"I don't flipping know," Panda says, her eyes wide. "You're asking the wrong person. Anyway, Eff, everyone wants you."
"Not everyone," Effy says. She's starting to wish she hadn't brought it up; the only thing worse than feeling sorry for yourself is having other people feel sorry for you.
"It's Katie, isn't it?" Pandora says. "I'm not completely stupid, Eff. You've been all mopey ever since you told everyone you surfed her. And you could have told me, even though I'm useless and can't do anything to help, 'cause you're meant to tell your friends stuff like that."
"You never told me about Cook," Effy says, and Pandora looks a little contrite.
"You still could've told me about Katie. You love her, don't you?"
"Don't be stupid," Effy says, even as she's wondering if it could possibly be true. "Who would ever love Katie Fitch?"
"Well, JJ for starters, and Emily as well, although not like that, obviously, that would be a bit weird, but--"
"Shut up, Panda," Effy says, but Pandora's undeterred.
"You could always tell her."
"Have you told Cook you've in love with him? I mean, that's why Thomas broke up with you, isn't it?"
"Don't be stupid," Pandora says. "I'm not in love with Cook."
"Perhaps we should both mind own our business, then."
"Fine," Pandora says, and she gets up and walks away. Effy swears under her breath, but she doesn't call her back.
The sun's almost completely slipped below the horizon by now, but Effy can't stand the thought of going home. She can't stand the thought of getting fucked up either, because while it sounds tempting to forget, she finds it less and less effective these days. She wants to go back and see Katie again, even though she's still got nothing to say to her, but JJ might still be there--or, worse, he might not be there to act as a buffer, and Effy might do something she'll regret. So instead she walks back home only to get the car, and then she starts to drive.
It's late when she gets to Cardiff, and she struggles to find Tony's road in the darkness. She's only seen the place he's living in this year once, but she manages to find it eventually. She gets the house number wrong on the first try and the girl that answers the door, looking annoyed to be disturbed so late, directs her to the house next door. Apparently Tony's well known on this street, and the way she speaks his name suggests it's not for good reasons.
Effy's greeted by another unfamiliar face when she gets the right house, but the boy smiles when she says she's Tony's sister and directs her inside to the tiny living room where a bunch of people, including Tony, are sitting watching a DVD and drinking.
Tony smiles when he sees her, and for the first time in a while Effy actually feels a little lighter. Smiling back isn't too much of a struggle.
"Everything okay, Effy?" he asks.
"Fine," she says. "Just thought I'd drop in."
"You want to talk?" he asks, but she shakes her head.
He doesn't ask her any more questions, and Effy's relieved that he at least knows when not to push it. He clears a bit of space on the sofa beside him and invites her to sit down, and then he introduces all his friends. She feels a little out of place, and gets a pang of nostalgia for the time when Tony's friends were people she knew too. Nobody says much to her, which is how she prefers it, but she still can't help resenting Ellie and Bryn and Naz for not being Cassie and Sid and Michelle.
After a couple of episodes of The Mighty Boosh, Effy asks if she can crash for the night.
"Course you can," Tony says. "You can sleep in my bed." He takes her up to his room, and once they're alone he says, "Is everything really okay? Nothing's wrong with Mum, is it?"
"She's fine." Effy sits down on his bed and looks at the photo frame that's on his bedside table. There's a picture of him and a girl Effy doesn't know. "New girlfriend?"
"Clare," he says, but he doesn't elaborate. "You really just thought you'd drive to Cardiff to pop in?"
"Yeah, well, you never come home."
He looks exasperated, but he still sounds patient when he speaks. "Seriously, tell me. Boy trouble?"
"Not as such," Effy says. "I'd really just like to sleep."
He shrugs, and Effy knows that means he's given in.
For a long time she lies awake in Tony's bed, staring up at the unfamiliar ceiling. Running away was stupid, she realises that, and she'll go home tomorrow, but it's surprising how putting a bit of distance between herself and Katie has actually helped, at least a little. The further she is from Katie, the easier it is to pretend she doesn't exist.