(no subject)
.jake.
2005 wasnt my best year but it definitely left a dent in my life.
I wish there was more of a transition of the new year than there actually is because it would make things possibly feel better. But in reality, there isnt much change after the new year for anyone, people just like to think there is. Your life is generally the same and although youre hoping to keep a promise to yourself, youre really just hoping the new year will change you, not actually you. So here I am, following that same trend with others in hopes for me to recreate a better me. Lets see how well I can do that.
I hope for this year to just be a better person for myself. I need to allow myself to be responsible where its a mutual thing with myself instead of it being a constant strugle of trying to be an adult. Its annoying to fight with my mind trying to convince me to stop doing certain things because I think I can get by, so fuck it. Not to mention my actions are affecting others. And thats definitely something I cant handle. I really did a 180 last year with my life and i'm hoping to do another 180 this year... but in a better light. I'm not the same person I was when I was with Josh and i'm not exactly sure why that changed, but it did and now I have to continue to fix myself to become a better me who can be as content as I was when I was with Josh. I'm definitely not happy. And it showed when I was at an interview today that I really wanted because I didnt get the job in cause of my state of mind right now. I walked out of the place only pissed at myself. I wasnt mad because of why I didnt get the job, or what the lady said, if anything she put me in my place. I drove home today thinking to myself as to why was I not the person this woman was seeing... because I am energetic, alert, exciting, fun, and friendly... but I wasnt when it matter and it really mattered today at this interview. And since she didnt see it, she could believe I had it. So I need to change. I need to change my attitude, my life, my actions, into something thats more suiting for me because this isnt working, this isnt getting me anywhere, and I dont know where it came from but it can have it back. I'm moving on.
Its barely January and i'm ready for May. I'm hoping these next five months fly by. I want the warm weather back and be able to have a social life again. But since I know these months are going to go as slow as fuck, i'm going to keep a strong mindset of just work, work, and more work. Itll really pay if I can just keep thinking that, but its getting to that point thats killing me.
And I have a lot to look forward to this year. I get to actually be on my own, ill be turning 21 and hopefully getting myself in trouble in Vegas with the 2+2 trio, getting my green card completely straightened out, hopefully going back to school, and most importantly getting some of these bills just paid off. I also hope I can keep up with this relationship with Jason, but things will happen for a reason so i'm really taking that a day at a time.
I hope everyone had a good New Year. I hope everyone actually sticks to their 'resolution' and can feel successful by 2007. We all deserve something good for ourself this year.
2005 wasnt my best year but it definitely left a dent in my life.
I wish there was more of a transition of the new year than there actually is because it would make things possibly feel better. But in reality, there isnt much change after the new year for anyone, people just like to think there is. Your life is generally the same and although youre hoping to keep a promise to yourself, youre really just hoping the new year will change you, not actually you. So here I am, following that same trend with others in hopes for me to recreate a better me. Lets see how well I can do that.
I hope for this year to just be a better person for myself. I need to allow myself to be responsible where its a mutual thing with myself instead of it being a constant strugle of trying to be an adult. Its annoying to fight with my mind trying to convince me to stop doing certain things because I think I can get by, so fuck it. Not to mention my actions are affecting others. And thats definitely something I cant handle. I really did a 180 last year with my life and i'm hoping to do another 180 this year... but in a better light. I'm not the same person I was when I was with Josh and i'm not exactly sure why that changed, but it did and now I have to continue to fix myself to become a better me who can be as content as I was when I was with Josh. I'm definitely not happy. And it showed when I was at an interview today that I really wanted because I didnt get the job in cause of my state of mind right now. I walked out of the place only pissed at myself. I wasnt mad because of why I didnt get the job, or what the lady said, if anything she put me in my place. I drove home today thinking to myself as to why was I not the person this woman was seeing... because I am energetic, alert, exciting, fun, and friendly... but I wasnt when it matter and it really mattered today at this interview. And since she didnt see it, she could believe I had it. So I need to change. I need to change my attitude, my life, my actions, into something thats more suiting for me because this isnt working, this isnt getting me anywhere, and I dont know where it came from but it can have it back. I'm moving on.
Its barely January and i'm ready for May. I'm hoping these next five months fly by. I want the warm weather back and be able to have a social life again. But since I know these months are going to go as slow as fuck, i'm going to keep a strong mindset of just work, work, and more work. Itll really pay if I can just keep thinking that, but its getting to that point thats killing me.
And I have a lot to look forward to this year. I get to actually be on my own, ill be turning 21 and hopefully getting myself in trouble in Vegas with the 2+2 trio, getting my green card completely straightened out, hopefully going back to school, and most importantly getting some of these bills just paid off. I also hope I can keep up with this relationship with Jason, but things will happen for a reason so i'm really taking that a day at a time.
I hope everyone had a good New Year. I hope everyone actually sticks to their 'resolution' and can feel successful by 2007. We all deserve something good for ourself this year.