Trying not to distance myself.
Lately I've been trying to crawl out of the cave I've blocked myself up in, but it's been kind of hard staying social. Most of my friends are in great relationships, and I just have a damn hard time being around that right now. Usually I'm pretty good at keeping rude comments to myself, but you can't expect me to keep it together when you tell me you and your significant other are going to go knock boots later that night. Sorry if I come off as a little bitter, but fuck you guys for rubbing it in my face.
I feel I've dealt with a fare share of roadblocks in this attempt to stop being antisocial, which I have been able to overcome. But I'd really appreciate people not making my situation any more difficult than it already is. I'm glad you all have someone to cling to for comfort, and I'm not just saying this cynically. I am happy for you, but really. . . . . .try thinking a little before telling me how great it is not being alone. I know it's a great thing, and the reminders don't inspire happy thoughts.
I even had to cut out early from church today because of this. . . . Obviously it wasn't anyone bragging about getting laid that night, but just seeing all the families and how happy they were and how greatful they are to have eachother. . . . . . . I didn't like being around it because I was looking at something I had the chance to create and the opportunity was torn away form me. I know I said I'm over Melissa, and I am. But that doesn't mean I'm over being alone. That's something I can never get over. . . . . We all need to have someone in our lives, and I don't know how much longer I can fake it and stay afloat in these drowning waters.
That all being said, I know that all I can really do at this point is hold out while I try to get my life in order. I love my son, and I have every intent on getting my life together so that he can grow up and enjoy his own life. I want him to be glad to have me as a father, and I want to be someone to be looked up to. I'm going to get out of debt, I'm going to find a place to move into, and I'm going back to college, damn it. Whatever it takes, I am going to make it happen.
I feel I've dealt with a fare share of roadblocks in this attempt to stop being antisocial, which I have been able to overcome. But I'd really appreciate people not making my situation any more difficult than it already is. I'm glad you all have someone to cling to for comfort, and I'm not just saying this cynically. I am happy for you, but really. . . . . .try thinking a little before telling me how great it is not being alone. I know it's a great thing, and the reminders don't inspire happy thoughts.
I even had to cut out early from church today because of this. . . . Obviously it wasn't anyone bragging about getting laid that night, but just seeing all the families and how happy they were and how greatful they are to have eachother. . . . . . . I didn't like being around it because I was looking at something I had the chance to create and the opportunity was torn away form me. I know I said I'm over Melissa, and I am. But that doesn't mean I'm over being alone. That's something I can never get over. . . . . We all need to have someone in our lives, and I don't know how much longer I can fake it and stay afloat in these drowning waters.
That all being said, I know that all I can really do at this point is hold out while I try to get my life in order. I love my son, and I have every intent on getting my life together so that he can grow up and enjoy his own life. I want him to be glad to have me as a father, and I want to be someone to be looked up to. I'm going to get out of debt, I'm going to find a place to move into, and I'm going back to college, damn it. Whatever it takes, I am going to make it happen.