(no subject)
i used to know how to write pretty words, how to talk about things that brought tears to people's eyes. now i just ramble about nothing and everything all at once. i don't mention names or specific places. i keep my secrets secret &smile or cry by myself.
i hope with every bit of me that these really will be the hardest years of our lives the way everyone claims. that the heartaches we experience right now will be the toughest we'll ever have to know. most of all i hope that i'll live through all of them and speak of them later with a laugh.
i picture myself on a white porch swing, a glass of spearmint tea and honey in one hand, the sunset turning my eyes that funny orange-brown. &i hear my voice softer, older, wiser, tinged with laughter. i'll speak of past loves, boys i've dated and comfort my daughter because she has tears rolling down her smooth cheeks and swearing off of boys for life.
i'll say things like..there was a boy in boarding school, his name was ryan. he played the trombone and was on the varsity basketball team. he liked to tease girls during band and pulled curly ponytails in the backrow of sophomore english. for six months to me, the world started and stopped with him. finally one day at a football game he bought me hotchocolate in a styrofoam cup. we were going steady shortly after that. i broke up with him later because i couldn't picture myself holding his hand. he never spoke to me again, i still have all his notes.
and if i doubt love, i'll remember..when i was nineteen i fell in love for the first time ever in my life. it was real and we were young and had the world by the tail. we were engaged with flipflops (brown for him, lavender for me). he played the drums in a band and our first concert together was tool. nobody had ever held me tighter than he did that night on a hill crowded with people and air heavy with the sweet scent of summer and pot. his kisses started innocent and soft, a year later they were hot and full of questions. our love began in the summer and ended in the summer. we liked to make to do lists and his last one read like this
pack
wash chellebee's car
get married
cuddle
call home
he did pack, wash my car, and cuddle with me. he never married me. i lived in heartbreak city for nearly a year after and of course i promised to never fall in love again. but now? now, i promise to never hold back from falling in love again.
today the sun's not shining, i'm not in love with anyone and vice versa. but my hair is wet from a shower, my skin smells faintly of cocoapuffs and its definitely going to be a good day.
i hope with every bit of me that these really will be the hardest years of our lives the way everyone claims. that the heartaches we experience right now will be the toughest we'll ever have to know. most of all i hope that i'll live through all of them and speak of them later with a laugh.
i picture myself on a white porch swing, a glass of spearmint tea and honey in one hand, the sunset turning my eyes that funny orange-brown. &i hear my voice softer, older, wiser, tinged with laughter. i'll speak of past loves, boys i've dated and comfort my daughter because she has tears rolling down her smooth cheeks and swearing off of boys for life.
i'll say things like..there was a boy in boarding school, his name was ryan. he played the trombone and was on the varsity basketball team. he liked to tease girls during band and pulled curly ponytails in the backrow of sophomore english. for six months to me, the world started and stopped with him. finally one day at a football game he bought me hotchocolate in a styrofoam cup. we were going steady shortly after that. i broke up with him later because i couldn't picture myself holding his hand. he never spoke to me again, i still have all his notes.
and if i doubt love, i'll remember..when i was nineteen i fell in love for the first time ever in my life. it was real and we were young and had the world by the tail. we were engaged with flipflops (brown for him, lavender for me). he played the drums in a band and our first concert together was tool. nobody had ever held me tighter than he did that night on a hill crowded with people and air heavy with the sweet scent of summer and pot. his kisses started innocent and soft, a year later they were hot and full of questions. our love began in the summer and ended in the summer. we liked to make to do lists and his last one read like this
pack
wash chellebee's car
get married
cuddle
call home
he did pack, wash my car, and cuddle with me. he never married me. i lived in heartbreak city for nearly a year after and of course i promised to never fall in love again. but now? now, i promise to never hold back from falling in love again.
today the sun's not shining, i'm not in love with anyone and vice versa. but my hair is wet from a shower, my skin smells faintly of cocoapuffs and its definitely going to be a good day.