don't ever let life pass you by
for those who guessed the lyrics and care to know the answers to the rest of them, they are
1.underoath, some will seek forgiveness, others escape.
2.too late the hero, nate is my muscle, he'll eff you up.
3.sublime, rivers of babylon
4.atreyu, bleeding mascara
5.warren zevon, werewolfs of london
6.cky, knee deep
7.thrice, deadbolt
8.taking back sunday, a decade under the influence
9.johnny cash, a thing called love
10.thursday, counting 5-4-3-2-1
11.311, creatures(for a while)
12.sparks the rescue, you're not alone
13.blink 182, dammit
14.zz top, tush
15.the velvet underground, rock & roll
16.steve miller band, fly like an eagle
17.third floor view, rachel
18.led zeppelin, in the light
19.sublime, boss dj
20.the recieving end of sirens, this armistice
21.sublime, romeo
22.rage against the machine, guerilla radio
23.glassjaw, trailer park jesus
24.story of the year, til the day i die
25.incubus, warning
but anyway, there are so many things going through my mind i don't know where to start. i can try though. i won't write everything that's bothering me because that would take too long.
alright, so basically i want to take a few years off of school and work two jobs and save up money and then i want to travel, to egypt, back to italy and greece, the british isles, india, germany, new zealand, maybe australia. but of course, my mom won't have any of that. she thinks it's impossible for me to do it without having a lot of money. so my alternative is to keep going to school and get a real job and after i save up money i can travel. so that's in about the next 10 or more years, when i won't have the motivation to do it. but i'm thinking about changing my major to photojournalism or something of the sort. i mean, i want to travel and i've been told i'm good at taking pictures, though i haven't in far too long. and i like to write, though i don't do well just writing thoughts or stories. but i'm just sick of the same routine every day. the same people, the same places, the same people bitching about the same things, the same conversations with the same people...
next subject, i feel that whenever i try to talk to any of my friends about my problems(which are more than what i'm writing) they don't really listen and just use what i'm saying to connect it to their own life so they can talk about themselves. example, i'll be talking about how i want to leave maine, when i get two sentences into what i'm saying, the person will cut me off and start talking about how they want to leave too. i've always liked being the person people can talk to about whatever is going on in their life, but sometimes it gets too much. i need someone to listen to me for once and help me with my problems. when i was bummed out last friday at work, so much so that ethan actually noticed, he gave me a hug and we talked, he said "cheer up, there are things to be happy about" and said something like how i should cheer up and be happy like i usually am. i'm usually not happy, i'm actually usually quite unhappy, i'm just really good at hiding it. people don't understand that. i feel like people don't understand me. lately i've been laughing to destract myself from what's going on in my head. basically i feel trapped, i feel kind of heartbroken, i feel like crying at least once a day, i feel like life is pointless if i can't do what i want and what i dream of. i feel like i'm made for something more than maine, i feel like i should be somewhere learning something, experiencing something. i've been trying to shake off this seemingly never-ending sadness but it won't leave. i don't know what to do. i hate talking about my problems because it makes me feel like i'm being selfish, but other people do it endlessly so why can't i? i don't always wallow in sadness and self-pity. but lately i can't help it.
so what else?
i have this thought in the back of my mind that i know probably isn't true, but i feel as though all of my friends are friends with me for selfish reasons. a big part of this has to do with me never being able to get shit off my chest when people push the weight from their chest onto mine. i feel like people just vent to me, or talk to me just to tell me how great their life is and how happy they are. or they just want to tell me what someone said to them in order to make themselves feel liked more. i'm not sure if that made sense, but i tried. like someone who is in a great relationship, they've never been this happy before, feels the need to tell me how happy they are on a weekly basis(at least) when they know i'm hung up on someone and can't let them go and probably will never be able to let them go, (even if they are in a different state, living with their significant other being happy and not missing me as much as i miss them) are they trying to torture me? do they not notice that it makes me sad when they tell me that? i try to smile and say "i'm so happy for you, i'm glad you've found someone" even though i had tears in my eyes because i was aggrivated(from the previous stated problem) and depressed(from the one i'm writing about now). and they didn't even notice. that's the first time that person has tried to cheer me up, after all the times i was obviously upset. and it was because i asked him to help cheer me up because he had cheered noelle up a few days prior. that brings me to my next point...
i'm someone's closest friend that's a girl, yet he can console noelle no problem, talk to her for over an hour on more than one occassion to cheer her up, but when i really need someone to talk to, he talks to me for about 10 mintues before moving onto himself and how happy he is. granted, i wasn't very open to talking to him because i didn't want to sound selfish and i didn't want to start crying. i hate the fact that just writing all this makes me cry. i've cried more in the last few weeks then i have in the past year.
buh. i'm sorry this is so long, and i'm sorry if you read through all of that, but if you did read any of that please tell me if i'm crazy for thinking this or if i have a right to feel this way.
1.underoath, some will seek forgiveness, others escape.
2.too late the hero, nate is my muscle, he'll eff you up.
3.sublime, rivers of babylon
4.atreyu, bleeding mascara
5.warren zevon, werewolfs of london
6.cky, knee deep
7.thrice, deadbolt
8.taking back sunday, a decade under the influence
9.johnny cash, a thing called love
10.thursday, counting 5-4-3-2-1
11.311, creatures(for a while)
12.sparks the rescue, you're not alone
13.blink 182, dammit
14.zz top, tush
15.the velvet underground, rock & roll
16.steve miller band, fly like an eagle
17.third floor view, rachel
18.led zeppelin, in the light
19.sublime, boss dj
20.the recieving end of sirens, this armistice
21.sublime, romeo
22.rage against the machine, guerilla radio
23.glassjaw, trailer park jesus
24.story of the year, til the day i die
25.incubus, warning
but anyway, there are so many things going through my mind i don't know where to start. i can try though. i won't write everything that's bothering me because that would take too long.
alright, so basically i want to take a few years off of school and work two jobs and save up money and then i want to travel, to egypt, back to italy and greece, the british isles, india, germany, new zealand, maybe australia. but of course, my mom won't have any of that. she thinks it's impossible for me to do it without having a lot of money. so my alternative is to keep going to school and get a real job and after i save up money i can travel. so that's in about the next 10 or more years, when i won't have the motivation to do it. but i'm thinking about changing my major to photojournalism or something of the sort. i mean, i want to travel and i've been told i'm good at taking pictures, though i haven't in far too long. and i like to write, though i don't do well just writing thoughts or stories. but i'm just sick of the same routine every day. the same people, the same places, the same people bitching about the same things, the same conversations with the same people...
next subject, i feel that whenever i try to talk to any of my friends about my problems(which are more than what i'm writing) they don't really listen and just use what i'm saying to connect it to their own life so they can talk about themselves. example, i'll be talking about how i want to leave maine, when i get two sentences into what i'm saying, the person will cut me off and start talking about how they want to leave too. i've always liked being the person people can talk to about whatever is going on in their life, but sometimes it gets too much. i need someone to listen to me for once and help me with my problems. when i was bummed out last friday at work, so much so that ethan actually noticed, he gave me a hug and we talked, he said "cheer up, there are things to be happy about" and said something like how i should cheer up and be happy like i usually am. i'm usually not happy, i'm actually usually quite unhappy, i'm just really good at hiding it. people don't understand that. i feel like people don't understand me. lately i've been laughing to destract myself from what's going on in my head. basically i feel trapped, i feel kind of heartbroken, i feel like crying at least once a day, i feel like life is pointless if i can't do what i want and what i dream of. i feel like i'm made for something more than maine, i feel like i should be somewhere learning something, experiencing something. i've been trying to shake off this seemingly never-ending sadness but it won't leave. i don't know what to do. i hate talking about my problems because it makes me feel like i'm being selfish, but other people do it endlessly so why can't i? i don't always wallow in sadness and self-pity. but lately i can't help it.
so what else?
i have this thought in the back of my mind that i know probably isn't true, but i feel as though all of my friends are friends with me for selfish reasons. a big part of this has to do with me never being able to get shit off my chest when people push the weight from their chest onto mine. i feel like people just vent to me, or talk to me just to tell me how great their life is and how happy they are. or they just want to tell me what someone said to them in order to make themselves feel liked more. i'm not sure if that made sense, but i tried. like someone who is in a great relationship, they've never been this happy before, feels the need to tell me how happy they are on a weekly basis(at least) when they know i'm hung up on someone and can't let them go and probably will never be able to let them go, (even if they are in a different state, living with their significant other being happy and not missing me as much as i miss them) are they trying to torture me? do they not notice that it makes me sad when they tell me that? i try to smile and say "i'm so happy for you, i'm glad you've found someone" even though i had tears in my eyes because i was aggrivated(from the previous stated problem) and depressed(from the one i'm writing about now). and they didn't even notice. that's the first time that person has tried to cheer me up, after all the times i was obviously upset. and it was because i asked him to help cheer me up because he had cheered noelle up a few days prior. that brings me to my next point...
i'm someone's closest friend that's a girl, yet he can console noelle no problem, talk to her for over an hour on more than one occassion to cheer her up, but when i really need someone to talk to, he talks to me for about 10 mintues before moving onto himself and how happy he is. granted, i wasn't very open to talking to him because i didn't want to sound selfish and i didn't want to start crying. i hate the fact that just writing all this makes me cry. i've cried more in the last few weeks then i have in the past year.
buh. i'm sorry this is so long, and i'm sorry if you read through all of that, but if you did read any of that please tell me if i'm crazy for thinking this or if i have a right to feel this way.