I have no idea where I'm going with this.
I really don't care if anyone reads this or not.
I've really been missing Hope, Tori and Amanda Brandt and all my EC friends a ton lately- this could be due to the face that I've done an insane amount of thinking lately. I just want to go back in the past where I knew exactly who I was- and what exactly that I stood for. But honestly, I can't remember when that was - except for the spring of 2001- when a really special person came into my life. You know how some people come into your life and you are never EVER the same? That's how I felt( and possibly still feel?) about RP. He encouraged me in so many ways- and most of all he taught me that you shouldn't care what people think of you- and that was something that I really struggled with when I first went off to college. I am so glad that that person came into my life- even though it was only for a short time and I haven't seen or spoken to them in several years.I've considered and tried to send him an email several times- but it always comes back to me- saying that the email address isn't valid. But then again what do you say to someone that you haven't talked to in years? I don't want him to get the wrong idea or anything- heck he could be married now for all I know. Ok this next part sounds hokey- but oh well. He's someone that I will tell my grandchildren about- I learned so much from him- that even now years later- I will see something or hear a song that he liked and be reminded of one of the many things that I learned from my friendship with him- or something that we did together. I did some things that really hurt him- and I am so so sorry that I did that. I know that you can't change the past- and yes everyone makes some mistakes or does something that they aren't proud of- and I wish that I could have told him just how sorry I am for all of that. Yeah, I've been missing EC- which is weird considering that I finally figured out that it wasn't the school for me. But here's a question- if it wasn't the place for me then why do I miss it so much? I'm sick and tired of not caring about anything anymore, having no abition towards anything to get me to become more independant, and I'm "growing apart" from a lot of my friends- Yeah, I know that that happens when you get older and stuff- but it seems to happen too much with me- I know that this sounds bad- but it really doesn't make me want to make any new ones- because eventually the shit hits the fan- and then you just " grow apart" from them too. I feel like I have nobody who really understands what I'm going through. I know that my problems are small compared to some of the stuff some of my friends are going through- so I feel bad when I mention it to them. I dunno. It's weird- for once in my life I want to be a loner- and not to be around anyone. I was thinking about how great it would be to just leave town tomorrow and not come back for a long time- I mean really- there is nothing holding me here- and maybe somewhere where I don't have so many conflicting memories ( both good and bad) would be good for me. I was considering possibly moving to Athens- apts are pretty cheap- and I don't know a soul that lives there. But then again- I'd prolly get myself into trouble since it'sa big party town and all.
I've really been missing Hope, Tori and Amanda Brandt and all my EC friends a ton lately- this could be due to the face that I've done an insane amount of thinking lately. I just want to go back in the past where I knew exactly who I was- and what exactly that I stood for. But honestly, I can't remember when that was - except for the spring of 2001- when a really special person came into my life. You know how some people come into your life and you are never EVER the same? That's how I felt( and possibly still feel?) about RP. He encouraged me in so many ways- and most of all he taught me that you shouldn't care what people think of you- and that was something that I really struggled with when I first went off to college. I am so glad that that person came into my life- even though it was only for a short time and I haven't seen or spoken to them in several years.I've considered and tried to send him an email several times- but it always comes back to me- saying that the email address isn't valid. But then again what do you say to someone that you haven't talked to in years? I don't want him to get the wrong idea or anything- heck he could be married now for all I know. Ok this next part sounds hokey- but oh well. He's someone that I will tell my grandchildren about- I learned so much from him- that even now years later- I will see something or hear a song that he liked and be reminded of one of the many things that I learned from my friendship with him- or something that we did together. I did some things that really hurt him- and I am so so sorry that I did that. I know that you can't change the past- and yes everyone makes some mistakes or does something that they aren't proud of- and I wish that I could have told him just how sorry I am for all of that. Yeah, I've been missing EC- which is weird considering that I finally figured out that it wasn't the school for me. But here's a question- if it wasn't the place for me then why do I miss it so much? I'm sick and tired of not caring about anything anymore, having no abition towards anything to get me to become more independant, and I'm "growing apart" from a lot of my friends- Yeah, I know that that happens when you get older and stuff- but it seems to happen too much with me- I know that this sounds bad- but it really doesn't make me want to make any new ones- because eventually the shit hits the fan- and then you just " grow apart" from them too. I feel like I have nobody who really understands what I'm going through. I know that my problems are small compared to some of the stuff some of my friends are going through- so I feel bad when I mention it to them. I dunno. It's weird- for once in my life I want to be a loner- and not to be around anyone. I was thinking about how great it would be to just leave town tomorrow and not come back for a long time- I mean really- there is nothing holding me here- and maybe somewhere where I don't have so many conflicting memories ( both good and bad) would be good for me. I was considering possibly moving to Athens- apts are pretty cheap- and I don't know a soul that lives there. But then again- I'd prolly get myself into trouble since it'sa big party town and all.