(no subject)
indigo0fhonor
new journal ^. this ones done. i dont want to have the ability to just scroll down the page and hear about pete. what he did last night was unneccesary. i didn't have to know...i wouldn't have wanted to know. i love him. jesus i love him so much i hate him for it. i wish i couldn't feel, sometimes. i feel like he just did it to hurt me...i went through so much shit this summer. i want to put this and senior year behind me. this new journal is for college and beyond. the best thing i can do is try and deal with it the way i did after steve....keep smiling even though it hurts, even though you know your the only one left caring. don't think about it, only cry when your alone. college is here, i'll be busy, it will be a good distraction.
i'll get through this, and over this- if it kills me. i'm done with letting it hurt. i'm done. 4 months since katie, and if you want to get technical 8 months since kim, s ince he first broke my heart. i'm gonna beat this fee lings into the ground with a fucking mallet if i have to- he's an asshole, and one that i never should have given a second chance, no matter how much i loved him. i've always been str onger than him, always been able to hold my own. its time to show 'em all i can do it again...the best revenge and peace of mind i'll ever be able to give myself is to just learn to be happy again, to learn how to trust, how to maybe in the future...learn how to love again.
i never wante dto say goodb ye.
i never wanted to have to grow up.
i never wanted to have to face the truth....
today is the last day i'll let myself cry, ever, ever again.
-lauren