god i dont know what is going on!
like usual i dont know what is going on.
i went to that john rubin, and reggie dabbs thing tonight at the high school. i sat behing Jesse, ryan and erik. BEHIND!!! what the heck is that? i dont freaken know. pissed me off though.
Ive been seeing alot more of Jesse since Brits party. hes cool, very cool. hes got alot of the things i look for in a guy. hes nice, and respectful, and awesome with other people. he cares about his family, and loves god to a point where i dont want to kill him. which is a plus! but he is very... well... i wouldnt say violent, because he doesnt hurt me, not even on accident. he just plays around a ton. and when we are around other people he doesnt want anything to do with me. he says that im stupid and that i have aids. and i know he is just joking because he laughs about it when he says it. still, when we are alone and its just me and him, hes so nice. he tells me that im hott and that i have an awesome personality, and that he wants to be my boy friend. that is sooo cool. you have no idea. but i dont want a boyfriend right now. because i like just messing around with the guys i like. and i dont want to have to have the commitment. not right now. im afraid im going to get bored. and i know that this will sound really sluty, but i dont want a boyfriend because i have a "bang" aganda. that i know with a few people on there i will never get the chance to screw ever again and if im tied down to someone i wont have the chance. please dont hurt me for saying that... but that chance only comes once in a life time and i just have to figure out when that is. but anyways, i met his parents yesterday, and they are cool. his dad likes nascar and his mom reminds me of my mom. i think i made a bad impression. then we went to his cousin jasons. and we hung out there. he was lying on me on the couch and we were just talking about like nothing, but i wasnt bored at all. i liked hanging out with him. then he gave me his spike necklace. he even put it on for me. how cute, i slept with it last night and everything. i was so happy. we spent some more time on the couch, and we kissed and stuff, nothing big. i still dont get those feelings i did with some people. but it still made me want to jump someones bones. he drove me home at like 7. and he looked so hot behind the wheel of the car, and he didnt drive like he normally does because he thought that i would be scared. which i thought was really nice. i gave him a hug and he kissed me and i thought you know, maybe he would be nicer to me the next day. but he was jerkyer then ever, he didnt wait for me out side in the morning. and he was an asshole in luch, and after school he asked me what i was doing and i said going home then to the concert later on, and he was like cool. then when i got to the concert he forgot i was coming!!!! who forgets when someone says that they will be there? idk. then he didnt pay any attention to me. niether did erik, but im used to that. and erik and i have a thing about not really talking around this one girl who is talias friend. but anyways, after the concert we were just hanging around in the asile. and he just walked right by me and said are you coming? and i was like ok. so then he went to get a drink of water and didnt wait for me at all. but he did hold the door for me to walk through, very nice i guess. and while we were standing around outside i was somking like i normaly do. and he leaned on my shoulder, and looked like he was ganna kiss me so i kissed his check and he was like no bitch i want a hit of your ciggerette. i was like woa! what the hell is that about? i dont even think he gave me a hug goodbye. i can see not giving me anything other then a hug if we arent dating, but... he didnt have to shun me like that. or maybe im getting attached. either way that isnt a way to try to get a girlfriend. or is it and i just dont know yet!
i went to that john rubin, and reggie dabbs thing tonight at the high school. i sat behing Jesse, ryan and erik. BEHIND!!! what the heck is that? i dont freaken know. pissed me off though.
Ive been seeing alot more of Jesse since Brits party. hes cool, very cool. hes got alot of the things i look for in a guy. hes nice, and respectful, and awesome with other people. he cares about his family, and loves god to a point where i dont want to kill him. which is a plus! but he is very... well... i wouldnt say violent, because he doesnt hurt me, not even on accident. he just plays around a ton. and when we are around other people he doesnt want anything to do with me. he says that im stupid and that i have aids. and i know he is just joking because he laughs about it when he says it. still, when we are alone and its just me and him, hes so nice. he tells me that im hott and that i have an awesome personality, and that he wants to be my boy friend. that is sooo cool. you have no idea. but i dont want a boyfriend right now. because i like just messing around with the guys i like. and i dont want to have to have the commitment. not right now. im afraid im going to get bored. and i know that this will sound really sluty, but i dont want a boyfriend because i have a "bang" aganda. that i know with a few people on there i will never get the chance to screw ever again and if im tied down to someone i wont have the chance. please dont hurt me for saying that... but that chance only comes once in a life time and i just have to figure out when that is. but anyways, i met his parents yesterday, and they are cool. his dad likes nascar and his mom reminds me of my mom. i think i made a bad impression. then we went to his cousin jasons. and we hung out there. he was lying on me on the couch and we were just talking about like nothing, but i wasnt bored at all. i liked hanging out with him. then he gave me his spike necklace. he even put it on for me. how cute, i slept with it last night and everything. i was so happy. we spent some more time on the couch, and we kissed and stuff, nothing big. i still dont get those feelings i did with some people. but it still made me want to jump someones bones. he drove me home at like 7. and he looked so hot behind the wheel of the car, and he didnt drive like he normally does because he thought that i would be scared. which i thought was really nice. i gave him a hug and he kissed me and i thought you know, maybe he would be nicer to me the next day. but he was jerkyer then ever, he didnt wait for me out side in the morning. and he was an asshole in luch, and after school he asked me what i was doing and i said going home then to the concert later on, and he was like cool. then when i got to the concert he forgot i was coming!!!! who forgets when someone says that they will be there? idk. then he didnt pay any attention to me. niether did erik, but im used to that. and erik and i have a thing about not really talking around this one girl who is talias friend. but anyways, after the concert we were just hanging around in the asile. and he just walked right by me and said are you coming? and i was like ok. so then he went to get a drink of water and didnt wait for me at all. but he did hold the door for me to walk through, very nice i guess. and while we were standing around outside i was somking like i normaly do. and he leaned on my shoulder, and looked like he was ganna kiss me so i kissed his check and he was like no bitch i want a hit of your ciggerette. i was like woa! what the hell is that about? i dont even think he gave me a hug goodbye. i can see not giving me anything other then a hug if we arent dating, but... he didnt have to shun me like that. or maybe im getting attached. either way that isnt a way to try to get a girlfriend. or is it and i just dont know yet!