Pretend
I think you can love someone without truly understanding them. You fall in love with who you think they are, and what you think they stand for. How many relationships around me comprise people who do not necessarily understand each other but want to make things work anyway?
Sometimes I feel that I have to constantly put on a front. To pretend to feel things I don’t, to pretend to stop feeling emotions that I genuinely do, to pretend to like what I don’t, to pretend to dislike what I do, all in a bid to preserve the harmony, the fragility of others’ egos.
When I can find someone who allows me to be me, to express my ugly thoughts inside out, who would not question the way I feel and the way I act, and would teach me as much as I teach him. That’s the one. That’s Jesus isn’t it?
I think I’m so indignant about my preferences, about my choices, and get defensive because these differentiate me from the many personas I take up in other to please others. They are the core essence of who I am. I guard my preferences fiercely in a bid to retain my individuality, hoping that these would signal to others that Ariel is really like this, and not who she is pretending to be.