Beneath the... (Chapter 15)
Title: Beneath the…
Rating: R for words.
Characters: OT5 (All Arashi members as brothers)
Genre: AU, drama, family, angst
Disclaimer: Only the plot is mine~
Summary: 2 years ago Osayama Satoshi was involved in a terrible accident that made him lost partial of his memories. Even though he survived the impact, he becomes mentally incapable and has to depend on his younger brothers to lead normal life. What he didn’t expect when waking up though was to find all his once caring brothers had turned into people who were completely different from his memory. Sho has changed into a hot-tempered workaholic, Kazunari becomes an introvert who refuses to talk with anyone, and Jun drowns himself in party, alcohol and women every single night. To make it even confusing, nobody in the house is allowed to speak about Masaki who for some unknown reasons has disappeared without a trace.
Will Satoshi find the answer he is seeking for in the end? Or something…is actually is hidden beneath the mess?
A/N: Their surname is Osayama. Un-betaed!
Chapter 15 : Beneath the strength
Satoshi literally jumps out of the taxi as soon as it stops and rushes into the hospital. The lobby thankfully is not very crowded though it is nearing lunchtime which helps him to reach the orthopedic department faster. It has been a long time since he enters that area and he would never imagine that he will return there after a few years for a very same reason as today. His eyes clouded with worries and anxiety just from recalling how much Kazu had to through before when the doctor said that the latter’s left shoulder is permanently injured and he won’t be able to pitch a ball ever again though the fourth brother just barely reached his twenties.
Two turns the corners later, the mentally incapable man finally found the familiar reception desk he has been searching for. After mentioning Kazu’s name to the on duty nurse, he hurriedly looks for the mentioned room and impatiently knocks on the door. The worried man nearly slams open the door as soon as he receives permission to enter from inside which makes all the occupants turn to him due to surprise.
“Ka-zu! Jun!” he nearly squeaks when sees both his youngest brother are sitting on the chairs. Satoshi will probably already break down with tears right then and there if not because Jun quickly rises from his seat and calm down the eldest one. Once the youngest brother makes him settle on the chair while still rubbing his back, Kazu suddenly chuckles with his teasing smile.
“Nii-san will usually never wake up this fast in morning. This is a record.”
Satoshi just shoots his teary eyes back by that, pouting. He can’t believe the fourth brother still can tease him when he is sickly worried about the latter’s state. Before he can retort anything though,Kazu already changes into his serious self back as he asks the doctor to proceed with his explanation. When the doctor starts to elaborate about something that related to muscles, joints, tissues, and ligaments which the eldest brother unfortunately couldn’t understand much, the said man only can helplessly stares at his hands. All he knows is Kazu’s old injured area is swollen and the impact has pulled a few of the latter's joints. To his relief, the injury still can be cured as long as the fourth brother gets enough rest and doesn’t force himself to move much.
“How did you fall? The force wasn’t supposed to be strong enough to injure your shoulder like this.”
“It was…a ridiculous situation actually. I was just being careless and fall on my arm when I wanted to get inside the elevator.”
Despite the calm smile that Kazu shows while saying that, Satoshi notices how Jun’s hands suddenly clench into tight fists instead. Thankfully, the doctor doesn’t ask anything further regarding it as he just nods and tell them that they can go and wait at the pharmacy section for the medicine. That is when Satoshi finally has his chance to look at Jun properly and notices about the darkening expression that his brother has - like the latter is very close to explode with fury. His guess was right by the time they settle themselves on the waiting chairs as Jun remains standing while gritting his teeth hard.
“F*ck that *sshhole. I’m going to f*king revenge him when I see him.”
Satoshi tenses by the curses since he knows Jun will never curse anyone when he is around unless something really gets into the younger man's nerves. Kazu on the other hand just shakes his head and leans on the chair.
“Just leave this alone, Jun. He probably expects you to do something to him too so he can use that reason to kick you away. You’re the only one who we can rely on right now. Don’t jeopardize yourself because of this matter.”
There is a short moment when the youngest brother seems like battling to himself after that before eventually let out a heavy sigh. Satoshi at the same time just clamps his lips into a thin line when Kazu suddenly drops his disappoint look down.
“…I’m really sorry. I know you’re stress enough with your job, taking care of the house, and watching the company… And now this thing happen…I’m really sorry for not able to do anything now.”
“What are you talking about? I never think that way, so don’t start to talk sh*tty things like this. I’m just angry with those bastards. They seriously love to use dirty tricks even if it destroys other people’s life. First Masaki, then Sho, and now you… I seriously can’t understand how people can easily do bad things to others like that. Are they even human?”
“Money and power can blind people, you know. I just hope...that they are not going to plot anything to against you after this. We can’t afford to lose you too, Jun. They might dig out from any resources they have to bury us down and I don’t want them to destroy your life too.”
From the edge of his eyes, Satoshi notices how Jun’s face changes to pale by that. It is not usual to see the strong and brave youngest brother’s to lose his composure by that, but thinking that the latter might be worried with what Kazu just said, Satoshi decides to not say anything. Later, when they are called by the pharmacist who then explains about the medicines that Kazu has to take, the timing, and a lot more complex things, he is the only one who remains quiet while fumbling with his hands. Everyone else are listening carefully about it, especially Jun who even types it on his phone just in case they forget about it. The entire situation overwhelmes Satoshi who feels more helpless, what more when both continue to talk about company’s problems again as they are moving to the main door. Feeling depress by that thought, he eventually tugs his brothers’ shirts from behind, resulting the two men to questioningly turn around while Satoshi weakly drops his hands.
“I’m sor-ry for be-ing use-less. I can-t do a-ny-thing to he-lp.”
Both Kazu and Jun widen their eyes due to surprise when hear that. Not wanting the eldest brother to think that way, Jun hurriedly reaches for his shoulders and shakes it.
“No, you’re not. I will feel even relief that you can stay out of this matter, Nii-san. Don’t ever think that about yourself.”
“But I wa-nt to he-lp. I rea-lly wa-nt to he-lp, but I can-t. I don-t know how. I can-t do a-ny-thing ri-ght.” Satoshi then drops his sad gaze to the floor while pouting sadly. The calm Kazu however unexpectedly smiles by the helpless voice as he stands closer to the older man.
“How about you watch over Sho for now? I promise when I feel a bit better I will come here and take turn so Nii-san can have some rest. Jun needs to look after the company so we can’t stress him up much now, right?”
That immediately makes Satoshi’s eyes brighten with hope. The mentally incapable man then enthusiastically nods and says that he doesn’t mind to watch over Sho as long as it is needed if it can make the two brothers rest assure. Jun is about to against the idea since he believes that he doesn’t have a problem to go back and forth between the company and the hospital, but Kazu quickly shoots him a look to shut the point down. In the end, he only can remind Satoshi to give them a call if anything happens before following Kazu to wave at older brother who is looking very excited with his new duty as he rushes toward Sho’s ward. By the moment Satoshi is fully disappeared from there, the fourth brother suddenly chuckles.
“You and Sho are pretty much the same with that mother hen attitude.”
“But I’m worried. I don’t want him to force himself. What if-”
“You know, after Nii-san got lost before I just realized that maybe it’s better if we start to guide him by telling him what he can do instead so he won’t feel helpless anymore. Nii-san might feel insecure if we keep on leaving him doubting like that. If possible I don’t want him to feel incapable at all, but…that’s…beyond possible. That accident ruins his life after all...”
When the latter starts to lose within his thought, Jun just quietly observes at the fourth brother's expression for a while. Eventually, he sighs and helps to carry the medicines that the latter still holding.
“Neither me nor Sho blame you about what happened to Nii-san, so stop thinking about whatever in your mind now. Maybe Sho was harsh for mentioning about that accident when he lost his mind, but I don’t think it because he blames you for that. And you’re right about Nii-san. We should guide him instead. Let’s leave him to look after Sho and do all the house chores alone until he complains to us for literally enslave him.”
The last part takes Kazu aback until he realizes the mischievous look that Jun already shows to him. That immediately makes him laugh as he follows the younger man to his parked car in the hospital basement. Their journey to home after that is filled with comfortable silence as Jun quietly drives the car while he quietly stares at changing sceneries outside until they eventually stops behind red traffic light.
“…Let me know if you feel it’s too much to handle. Don’t force yourself doing everything alone. Whatever is happening to the company is actually not supposed to be under our concern, so if you think it’s already too much, just back off. It’s not worth it.”
“I know, but we can’t let those *ssholes win, aren’t we? I know you have the same thought as me.”
Seeing Jun's burning look makes Kazu nods understandingly. Jun at the same time finally notices that the fourth brother isbingactually still rubs his injured arm from time to time, probably due to the side-effect after the previous treatment. That thought immediately makes his eyes dim with sadness as the old memory and guilt resurfaces in him.
“I’m sorry. It must be hard for you for the past 4 years.”
The suddenness startles Kazu who was about to daze off. Eventually realizes with the change of the younger man's expression, he wants to clear something up, but stops when Jun continues.
“Just when you’re offered to join your dreamt professional baseball team, that injury happened on the very last tournament. You have invested so many sweats, time, effort…tears on that for years…just to be taken away from you like that. I think I can imagine it if you can’t bring yourself to face the outside world after that happened. You told us before that baseball is your life, right?”
Can't bring himself to say anything, the fourth brother just grits his teeth hard. Jun who notices the changes of behavior on the other hand can’t help from gripping the steering wheel tighter as he steps on the pedal when the light finally turns to green.
“When you start to lock yourself inside your room…to be honest I’m not sure how to react. I want you to talk about it with me, Nii-san, Sho, or Masaki, but I don’t want to force you. And when Masaki disappeared and…that accident happened to Nii-san, I guess everything just snapped. We always put on this mask that we’re strong by keeping everything inside us, but in the end just makes things worsen. Now when I think again, I believe instead of avoiding the topic, we actually should talk about it earlier. And maybe…the damage won’t be as bad as it is now.”
The fourth brother feels like he has been smacked on his face by the very on point speech. Although he is more than aware that Jun is referring about the latter’s awkward behavior for the 2 years after the doctor announced that his arm is permanently injured, he feels like it was more directly meant toward his ignorance self for a very obvious reason. Indeed. Just if he was brave enough to tell the truth to his brothers earlier…maybe the situation is not as bad as now. Later, he is brought back from his thought by the younger man’s heavy sigh.
“Sorry. You don’t want to talk about that, right?”
Kazu quickly shakes his head instead.
“You’re actually correct, Jun.”
Jun immediately glances at him when hear that, clearly surprises. As the youngest brother continues with his drive, he takes that moment to brace himself for the thing he is going to say next.
“To be quite honest I was actually pissed off when you guys avoided from touching that topic even though I don’t want to talk about it myself. Sho clearly didn’t want to leave it that way, but in the end…everyone just followed the flow. I was angry because I thought you guys didn’t actually care about me, but…when I think about it again, I know it’s also my own selfish wish in the end. I was depressed, but I didn’t want to appear weak. I want someone to take notice about my real situation, but at the same time I’m afraid of exposing myself. It’s…complicated.” he swallows down hard when the painful memories start to play before his eyes. That what he had been enduring to himself all along - by thinking and believing that he is okay while blaming the others for not noticing his inner demon earlier. Indeed, for the first 2 years he still hang out with them even though he refuses to step outside of their house since he was afraid of anything that will remind him with baseball, but after Masaki’s disappearance and Satoshi’s accident, the guilt somehow returns with double force that makes him retreats inside his four walls room. Everything is too overwhelmed to face - the pain for being forced to give up on his dream, the fact that his brothers easily follow his wish, the truth that he had been hiding from his family after all this time, and the guilt for turning Satoshi and Masaki’s life upside down like that. He admits that he was a coward at that time, but that is what he vows to not repeat it now. He would never think he is going to have a heart-to-heart talk with any of his brother before, but now, just like what Jun had said about them always putting on strong mask, he realizes that keeping it to himself and leaving his brothers with their assumption actually what made things worse.
“Our family is such a mess, huh?”
“Yep. A very close to go beyond repairable mess.”
The sarcastic joke makes them bitterly smiles. Later though, the two of them are surprised by a sudden incoming call to Jun’s phone which makes the younger man nearly jumps from his seat. Kazu who sees his priceless reaction at the same time can’t help from giggling by that before helps to read the name that currently appears on the younger man's screen phone. However, just when he is about to pick it up to tell the caller to call again later, he is quickly stopped.
“Don’t. Leave it.”
The shaky voice makes the slightly older man frowns. Trying to lighten up the mood, Kazu force a chuckle out as he teases the younger one.
“Don’t tell me it’s your honey. You don’t want her to lose her mind for thinking that you forget her, right?” to his surprise, Jun grows even tenser by that. The latter looks clearly disorientated, especially when the caller tries to reach gor him again. When the persistent caller tries for the third time later, Kazu knows that something not right is going on. Jun himself look like he is going to faint or something in between soon judging from the trembling hands until Kazu has to pat the latter’s arm to gain his attention.
“Pull over on the side. NOW.”
There is a split of second when Jun seems going to oppose it. Yet, one stern look from Kazu is enough to make him obey. As soon as the younger man eventually does like he is being told, the older brother can see how panic the younger one is now with mixed of fear and confusion obviously show on his eyes. Instead of forcing it out though, he waits for the latter to speak first despite having his heart drum hard in his chest due to anxiousness.
“I-I did something.”
It feels like oxygen already leave his lungs even though Jun says nothing much yet. By the fourth ring to his phone, the younger brother finally can’t stand the noise anymore as he snatches it before turning it off. That makes Kazu even more dumbfounded, especially when Jun pulls his bang like he just regretting it.
“Jun-”
“I made someone pregnant.”
That one line sends Kazu still on the spot. He tries to put on an emotionless face, but the shock is very clear since he is too speechless to even say a word. The younger man is joking, right? He is only trying to lift up the situation, right? Yet, when sees Jun turns to him with teary and hopeless gaze later, he knows the younger man is telling him the truth.
Perhaps…their family is actually already beyond fixable before they realize it...
***
Satoshi still has a wide grin plasters on his face by the time the door of Sho’s ward finally comes into his sight. Excited to fulfill his task as the second brother’s literally caretaker now, he immediately reaches for the knob with a brand new spirit before pulling it open. At first, he surprises when see the slightly younger man is sitting on the bed with his back is facing him though the latter is supposed to be resting now, but then he smilingly shakes his head while approaches the bed closer.
“Sho, yo-u are no-t sup-posed to sta-y up.”
He surprises when Sho unexpectedly chuckle instead. Thinking that his younger brother is feeling much better now, he wants to give a try to talk more with the latter, but is left stunned when Sho suddenly explodes with laughter. Despite obviously struggles to breathe between his wheezes, the sick man continues to laugh like a mad man which later mixes with cough and sobs in between. Growing worried by the latter’s condition, Satoshi tries to approach his brother closer, but stops when Sho suddenly turns to him with his already tears-stained face.
“Of course. I’m supposed to die instead, ain’t I?”
The hoarse, sarcastic voice sends shiver to Satoshi’s spine. He wants to say something - anything, but only end up freezes on the same spot with wide eyes. His horror look however amuses Sho so much that it causes the younger man to giggle even more.
“I tried to save the company and fail. I tried to protect the workers and got sick. I tried to make things right and got hated. I wanted to fix things and got ignored. But I’m such a sore loser. Still can’t see that the f*cking main problem is actually ME - Osayama Sho - the failure, pathetic man who ruined his own people and family! I’m such a big douche, bastard, and good for f*cking nothing *sshole! Applauses for me!”
When Sho suddenly claps on his own words while laughing like he is saying something great, Satoshi can feel he is tearing up. His brother - the once who was supposed to be strong and playful brother - is breaking down and there is nothing he can do but to helplessly watch. Even when Sho forces himself to get up while continue to wheeze and laugh between his cry, the eldest brother only can remain still. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t even know what to think anymore.
Later, the ward are noised with sound of tray and plates fall onto the floor when Sho suddenly smacks it away from the bed stand. Books, files, and many other things then fly all over when the latter grabs anything within his reach, sending Satoshi flinches several times due to fear. He knows about Sho’s temper, but this is the very first time for him to witness it right in front with his very own eyes like that. By the time the latter begins to wail and hitting his head onto the wall like he is totally losing his mind, a nurse finally storm inside there and tries to stop the disorientated man. The effort however turns fruitless when Sho just pushes the woman away and continues to hurt himself while crying and wailing endlessly. Satoshi doesn’t even realize that the previous nurse has disappeared to outside again until she later returns with male nurses and a doctor who quickly drags Sho back to the bed despite the struggle. When they fail to calm down the panic man after several tries, the doctor finally doesn’t have a choice but to inject anesthetic into the man. It takes a moment until Satoshi sees his brother slowly loses his consciousness as the latter stares at the ceiling with his half-close eyes, a teardrop then manages to slip down before he finally falls asleep.
Time feels like standing still when Satoshi remains unmoving and just watches how the nurses cleaning up the mess that his brother had created. He doesn’t even realize that he is actually crying and shaking if not because the doctor comes closer to ask if he is alright. When the elder man later asks him to call someone to there so he can explain about Sho’s critical mental condition, he only manages to force a nod before leaving to the hospital garden outside while taking out his phone. However, his trembling fingers automatically stop when he nearly presses Kazu and Jun’s numbers on his contact log. The memory of his brothers’ previous talk and the exhausted look they have makes him chew his lip and starts to look for another number in the log - the number that belongs to the only person that Sho will never want to see even if the world ends. He already begins to sniff as he presses the call button and waits for it to be connected, but much to his dismay, the call goes straight into voicemail. No matter how many times he tries after that, none of the call manages to pass through like the owner wants to avoid himself from being contacted on purpose. Realizing this, Satoshi immediately falls to his knees as he gripping tight around the phone, soon can’t longer stop from chocking himself with sobs.
***
>I'm very sorry again for this late reply m(_ _")m Things came up and I couldn't finish editing on the very day. Also, when I do editing last night...something happened (I advised people who don't like horror stuff to not read any further). Something/someone hit strongly the window of the downstair room I stayed (it was midnight). Then, it quickly went to the other windows and to my room upstairs (*_* ") I wouldn't question it if I heard it alone, but my brother's fiancee listen it too so we're kind of worried. My brother checked it for us after that but he himself couldn't find anything so he told us to not check it by ourselves and called him if there's anything. Until now we still don't know what that thing actually is...but as long as it's not burglar, I think it's safer ^^" Human can kill after all, so they're more dangerous.
>When I read your previous comments when I posted late once, I'm glad to know that you understand my situation. But to be honest, I can't help but actually feel paranoid to since I'm realy particular with consistency, so I want to take this opportunity for not doing it on time.
>What is troubling Jun is finally revealed. Some of you guessed it right! But now they are breaking down one by one...will there is still any chance left for them to fix everything up again?
>As always, Thank You SO much for reading! Comments are love!
Rating: R for words.
Characters: OT5 (All Arashi members as brothers)
Genre: AU, drama, family, angst
Disclaimer: Only the plot is mine~
Summary: 2 years ago Osayama Satoshi was involved in a terrible accident that made him lost partial of his memories. Even though he survived the impact, he becomes mentally incapable and has to depend on his younger brothers to lead normal life. What he didn’t expect when waking up though was to find all his once caring brothers had turned into people who were completely different from his memory. Sho has changed into a hot-tempered workaholic, Kazunari becomes an introvert who refuses to talk with anyone, and Jun drowns himself in party, alcohol and women every single night. To make it even confusing, nobody in the house is allowed to speak about Masaki who for some unknown reasons has disappeared without a trace.
Will Satoshi find the answer he is seeking for in the end? Or something…is actually is hidden beneath the mess?
A/N: Their surname is Osayama. Un-betaed!
Chapter 15 : Beneath the strength
Satoshi literally jumps out of the taxi as soon as it stops and rushes into the hospital. The lobby thankfully is not very crowded though it is nearing lunchtime which helps him to reach the orthopedic department faster. It has been a long time since he enters that area and he would never imagine that he will return there after a few years for a very same reason as today. His eyes clouded with worries and anxiety just from recalling how much Kazu had to through before when the doctor said that the latter’s left shoulder is permanently injured and he won’t be able to pitch a ball ever again though the fourth brother just barely reached his twenties.
Two turns the corners later, the mentally incapable man finally found the familiar reception desk he has been searching for. After mentioning Kazu’s name to the on duty nurse, he hurriedly looks for the mentioned room and impatiently knocks on the door. The worried man nearly slams open the door as soon as he receives permission to enter from inside which makes all the occupants turn to him due to surprise.
“Ka-zu! Jun!” he nearly squeaks when sees both his youngest brother are sitting on the chairs. Satoshi will probably already break down with tears right then and there if not because Jun quickly rises from his seat and calm down the eldest one. Once the youngest brother makes him settle on the chair while still rubbing his back, Kazu suddenly chuckles with his teasing smile.
“Nii-san will usually never wake up this fast in morning. This is a record.”
Satoshi just shoots his teary eyes back by that, pouting. He can’t believe the fourth brother still can tease him when he is sickly worried about the latter’s state. Before he can retort anything though,Kazu already changes into his serious self back as he asks the doctor to proceed with his explanation. When the doctor starts to elaborate about something that related to muscles, joints, tissues, and ligaments which the eldest brother unfortunately couldn’t understand much, the said man only can helplessly stares at his hands. All he knows is Kazu’s old injured area is swollen and the impact has pulled a few of the latter's joints. To his relief, the injury still can be cured as long as the fourth brother gets enough rest and doesn’t force himself to move much.
“How did you fall? The force wasn’t supposed to be strong enough to injure your shoulder like this.”
“It was…a ridiculous situation actually. I was just being careless and fall on my arm when I wanted to get inside the elevator.”
Despite the calm smile that Kazu shows while saying that, Satoshi notices how Jun’s hands suddenly clench into tight fists instead. Thankfully, the doctor doesn’t ask anything further regarding it as he just nods and tell them that they can go and wait at the pharmacy section for the medicine. That is when Satoshi finally has his chance to look at Jun properly and notices about the darkening expression that his brother has - like the latter is very close to explode with fury. His guess was right by the time they settle themselves on the waiting chairs as Jun remains standing while gritting his teeth hard.
“F*ck that *sshhole. I’m going to f*king revenge him when I see him.”
Satoshi tenses by the curses since he knows Jun will never curse anyone when he is around unless something really gets into the younger man's nerves. Kazu on the other hand just shakes his head and leans on the chair.
“Just leave this alone, Jun. He probably expects you to do something to him too so he can use that reason to kick you away. You’re the only one who we can rely on right now. Don’t jeopardize yourself because of this matter.”
There is a short moment when the youngest brother seems like battling to himself after that before eventually let out a heavy sigh. Satoshi at the same time just clamps his lips into a thin line when Kazu suddenly drops his disappoint look down.
“…I’m really sorry. I know you’re stress enough with your job, taking care of the house, and watching the company… And now this thing happen…I’m really sorry for not able to do anything now.”
“What are you talking about? I never think that way, so don’t start to talk sh*tty things like this. I’m just angry with those bastards. They seriously love to use dirty tricks even if it destroys other people’s life. First Masaki, then Sho, and now you… I seriously can’t understand how people can easily do bad things to others like that. Are they even human?”
“Money and power can blind people, you know. I just hope...that they are not going to plot anything to against you after this. We can’t afford to lose you too, Jun. They might dig out from any resources they have to bury us down and I don’t want them to destroy your life too.”
From the edge of his eyes, Satoshi notices how Jun’s face changes to pale by that. It is not usual to see the strong and brave youngest brother’s to lose his composure by that, but thinking that the latter might be worried with what Kazu just said, Satoshi decides to not say anything. Later, when they are called by the pharmacist who then explains about the medicines that Kazu has to take, the timing, and a lot more complex things, he is the only one who remains quiet while fumbling with his hands. Everyone else are listening carefully about it, especially Jun who even types it on his phone just in case they forget about it. The entire situation overwhelmes Satoshi who feels more helpless, what more when both continue to talk about company’s problems again as they are moving to the main door. Feeling depress by that thought, he eventually tugs his brothers’ shirts from behind, resulting the two men to questioningly turn around while Satoshi weakly drops his hands.
“I’m sor-ry for be-ing use-less. I can-t do a-ny-thing to he-lp.”
Both Kazu and Jun widen their eyes due to surprise when hear that. Not wanting the eldest brother to think that way, Jun hurriedly reaches for his shoulders and shakes it.
“No, you’re not. I will feel even relief that you can stay out of this matter, Nii-san. Don’t ever think that about yourself.”
“But I wa-nt to he-lp. I rea-lly wa-nt to he-lp, but I can-t. I don-t know how. I can-t do a-ny-thing ri-ght.” Satoshi then drops his sad gaze to the floor while pouting sadly. The calm Kazu however unexpectedly smiles by the helpless voice as he stands closer to the older man.
“How about you watch over Sho for now? I promise when I feel a bit better I will come here and take turn so Nii-san can have some rest. Jun needs to look after the company so we can’t stress him up much now, right?”
That immediately makes Satoshi’s eyes brighten with hope. The mentally incapable man then enthusiastically nods and says that he doesn’t mind to watch over Sho as long as it is needed if it can make the two brothers rest assure. Jun is about to against the idea since he believes that he doesn’t have a problem to go back and forth between the company and the hospital, but Kazu quickly shoots him a look to shut the point down. In the end, he only can remind Satoshi to give them a call if anything happens before following Kazu to wave at older brother who is looking very excited with his new duty as he rushes toward Sho’s ward. By the moment Satoshi is fully disappeared from there, the fourth brother suddenly chuckles.
“You and Sho are pretty much the same with that mother hen attitude.”
“But I’m worried. I don’t want him to force himself. What if-”
“You know, after Nii-san got lost before I just realized that maybe it’s better if we start to guide him by telling him what he can do instead so he won’t feel helpless anymore. Nii-san might feel insecure if we keep on leaving him doubting like that. If possible I don’t want him to feel incapable at all, but…that’s…beyond possible. That accident ruins his life after all...”
When the latter starts to lose within his thought, Jun just quietly observes at the fourth brother's expression for a while. Eventually, he sighs and helps to carry the medicines that the latter still holding.
“Neither me nor Sho blame you about what happened to Nii-san, so stop thinking about whatever in your mind now. Maybe Sho was harsh for mentioning about that accident when he lost his mind, but I don’t think it because he blames you for that. And you’re right about Nii-san. We should guide him instead. Let’s leave him to look after Sho and do all the house chores alone until he complains to us for literally enslave him.”
The last part takes Kazu aback until he realizes the mischievous look that Jun already shows to him. That immediately makes him laugh as he follows the younger man to his parked car in the hospital basement. Their journey to home after that is filled with comfortable silence as Jun quietly drives the car while he quietly stares at changing sceneries outside until they eventually stops behind red traffic light.
“…Let me know if you feel it’s too much to handle. Don’t force yourself doing everything alone. Whatever is happening to the company is actually not supposed to be under our concern, so if you think it’s already too much, just back off. It’s not worth it.”
“I know, but we can’t let those *ssholes win, aren’t we? I know you have the same thought as me.”
Seeing Jun's burning look makes Kazu nods understandingly. Jun at the same time finally notices that the fourth brother isbingactually still rubs his injured arm from time to time, probably due to the side-effect after the previous treatment. That thought immediately makes his eyes dim with sadness as the old memory and guilt resurfaces in him.
“I’m sorry. It must be hard for you for the past 4 years.”
The suddenness startles Kazu who was about to daze off. Eventually realizes with the change of the younger man's expression, he wants to clear something up, but stops when Jun continues.
“Just when you’re offered to join your dreamt professional baseball team, that injury happened on the very last tournament. You have invested so many sweats, time, effort…tears on that for years…just to be taken away from you like that. I think I can imagine it if you can’t bring yourself to face the outside world after that happened. You told us before that baseball is your life, right?”
Can't bring himself to say anything, the fourth brother just grits his teeth hard. Jun who notices the changes of behavior on the other hand can’t help from gripping the steering wheel tighter as he steps on the pedal when the light finally turns to green.
“When you start to lock yourself inside your room…to be honest I’m not sure how to react. I want you to talk about it with me, Nii-san, Sho, or Masaki, but I don’t want to force you. And when Masaki disappeared and…that accident happened to Nii-san, I guess everything just snapped. We always put on this mask that we’re strong by keeping everything inside us, but in the end just makes things worsen. Now when I think again, I believe instead of avoiding the topic, we actually should talk about it earlier. And maybe…the damage won’t be as bad as it is now.”
The fourth brother feels like he has been smacked on his face by the very on point speech. Although he is more than aware that Jun is referring about the latter’s awkward behavior for the 2 years after the doctor announced that his arm is permanently injured, he feels like it was more directly meant toward his ignorance self for a very obvious reason. Indeed. Just if he was brave enough to tell the truth to his brothers earlier…maybe the situation is not as bad as now. Later, he is brought back from his thought by the younger man’s heavy sigh.
“Sorry. You don’t want to talk about that, right?”
Kazu quickly shakes his head instead.
“You’re actually correct, Jun.”
Jun immediately glances at him when hear that, clearly surprises. As the youngest brother continues with his drive, he takes that moment to brace himself for the thing he is going to say next.
“To be quite honest I was actually pissed off when you guys avoided from touching that topic even though I don’t want to talk about it myself. Sho clearly didn’t want to leave it that way, but in the end…everyone just followed the flow. I was angry because I thought you guys didn’t actually care about me, but…when I think about it again, I know it’s also my own selfish wish in the end. I was depressed, but I didn’t want to appear weak. I want someone to take notice about my real situation, but at the same time I’m afraid of exposing myself. It’s…complicated.” he swallows down hard when the painful memories start to play before his eyes. That what he had been enduring to himself all along - by thinking and believing that he is okay while blaming the others for not noticing his inner demon earlier. Indeed, for the first 2 years he still hang out with them even though he refuses to step outside of their house since he was afraid of anything that will remind him with baseball, but after Masaki’s disappearance and Satoshi’s accident, the guilt somehow returns with double force that makes him retreats inside his four walls room. Everything is too overwhelmed to face - the pain for being forced to give up on his dream, the fact that his brothers easily follow his wish, the truth that he had been hiding from his family after all this time, and the guilt for turning Satoshi and Masaki’s life upside down like that. He admits that he was a coward at that time, but that is what he vows to not repeat it now. He would never think he is going to have a heart-to-heart talk with any of his brother before, but now, just like what Jun had said about them always putting on strong mask, he realizes that keeping it to himself and leaving his brothers with their assumption actually what made things worse.
“Our family is such a mess, huh?”
“Yep. A very close to go beyond repairable mess.”
The sarcastic joke makes them bitterly smiles. Later though, the two of them are surprised by a sudden incoming call to Jun’s phone which makes the younger man nearly jumps from his seat. Kazu who sees his priceless reaction at the same time can’t help from giggling by that before helps to read the name that currently appears on the younger man's screen phone. However, just when he is about to pick it up to tell the caller to call again later, he is quickly stopped.
“Don’t. Leave it.”
The shaky voice makes the slightly older man frowns. Trying to lighten up the mood, Kazu force a chuckle out as he teases the younger one.
“Don’t tell me it’s your honey. You don’t want her to lose her mind for thinking that you forget her, right?” to his surprise, Jun grows even tenser by that. The latter looks clearly disorientated, especially when the caller tries to reach gor him again. When the persistent caller tries for the third time later, Kazu knows that something not right is going on. Jun himself look like he is going to faint or something in between soon judging from the trembling hands until Kazu has to pat the latter’s arm to gain his attention.
“Pull over on the side. NOW.”
There is a split of second when Jun seems going to oppose it. Yet, one stern look from Kazu is enough to make him obey. As soon as the younger man eventually does like he is being told, the older brother can see how panic the younger one is now with mixed of fear and confusion obviously show on his eyes. Instead of forcing it out though, he waits for the latter to speak first despite having his heart drum hard in his chest due to anxiousness.
“I-I did something.”
It feels like oxygen already leave his lungs even though Jun says nothing much yet. By the fourth ring to his phone, the younger brother finally can’t stand the noise anymore as he snatches it before turning it off. That makes Kazu even more dumbfounded, especially when Jun pulls his bang like he just regretting it.
“Jun-”
“I made someone pregnant.”
That one line sends Kazu still on the spot. He tries to put on an emotionless face, but the shock is very clear since he is too speechless to even say a word. The younger man is joking, right? He is only trying to lift up the situation, right? Yet, when sees Jun turns to him with teary and hopeless gaze later, he knows the younger man is telling him the truth.
Perhaps…their family is actually already beyond fixable before they realize it...
***
Satoshi still has a wide grin plasters on his face by the time the door of Sho’s ward finally comes into his sight. Excited to fulfill his task as the second brother’s literally caretaker now, he immediately reaches for the knob with a brand new spirit before pulling it open. At first, he surprises when see the slightly younger man is sitting on the bed with his back is facing him though the latter is supposed to be resting now, but then he smilingly shakes his head while approaches the bed closer.
“Sho, yo-u are no-t sup-posed to sta-y up.”
He surprises when Sho unexpectedly chuckle instead. Thinking that his younger brother is feeling much better now, he wants to give a try to talk more with the latter, but is left stunned when Sho suddenly explodes with laughter. Despite obviously struggles to breathe between his wheezes, the sick man continues to laugh like a mad man which later mixes with cough and sobs in between. Growing worried by the latter’s condition, Satoshi tries to approach his brother closer, but stops when Sho suddenly turns to him with his already tears-stained face.
“Of course. I’m supposed to die instead, ain’t I?”
The hoarse, sarcastic voice sends shiver to Satoshi’s spine. He wants to say something - anything, but only end up freezes on the same spot with wide eyes. His horror look however amuses Sho so much that it causes the younger man to giggle even more.
“I tried to save the company and fail. I tried to protect the workers and got sick. I tried to make things right and got hated. I wanted to fix things and got ignored. But I’m such a sore loser. Still can’t see that the f*cking main problem is actually ME - Osayama Sho - the failure, pathetic man who ruined his own people and family! I’m such a big douche, bastard, and good for f*cking nothing *sshole! Applauses for me!”
When Sho suddenly claps on his own words while laughing like he is saying something great, Satoshi can feel he is tearing up. His brother - the once who was supposed to be strong and playful brother - is breaking down and there is nothing he can do but to helplessly watch. Even when Sho forces himself to get up while continue to wheeze and laugh between his cry, the eldest brother only can remain still. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t even know what to think anymore.
Later, the ward are noised with sound of tray and plates fall onto the floor when Sho suddenly smacks it away from the bed stand. Books, files, and many other things then fly all over when the latter grabs anything within his reach, sending Satoshi flinches several times due to fear. He knows about Sho’s temper, but this is the very first time for him to witness it right in front with his very own eyes like that. By the time the latter begins to wail and hitting his head onto the wall like he is totally losing his mind, a nurse finally storm inside there and tries to stop the disorientated man. The effort however turns fruitless when Sho just pushes the woman away and continues to hurt himself while crying and wailing endlessly. Satoshi doesn’t even realize that the previous nurse has disappeared to outside again until she later returns with male nurses and a doctor who quickly drags Sho back to the bed despite the struggle. When they fail to calm down the panic man after several tries, the doctor finally doesn’t have a choice but to inject anesthetic into the man. It takes a moment until Satoshi sees his brother slowly loses his consciousness as the latter stares at the ceiling with his half-close eyes, a teardrop then manages to slip down before he finally falls asleep.
Time feels like standing still when Satoshi remains unmoving and just watches how the nurses cleaning up the mess that his brother had created. He doesn’t even realize that he is actually crying and shaking if not because the doctor comes closer to ask if he is alright. When the elder man later asks him to call someone to there so he can explain about Sho’s critical mental condition, he only manages to force a nod before leaving to the hospital garden outside while taking out his phone. However, his trembling fingers automatically stop when he nearly presses Kazu and Jun’s numbers on his contact log. The memory of his brothers’ previous talk and the exhausted look they have makes him chew his lip and starts to look for another number in the log - the number that belongs to the only person that Sho will never want to see even if the world ends. He already begins to sniff as he presses the call button and waits for it to be connected, but much to his dismay, the call goes straight into voicemail. No matter how many times he tries after that, none of the call manages to pass through like the owner wants to avoid himself from being contacted on purpose. Realizing this, Satoshi immediately falls to his knees as he gripping tight around the phone, soon can’t longer stop from chocking himself with sobs.
***
>I'm very sorry again for this late reply m(_ _")m Things came up and I couldn't finish editing on the very day. Also, when I do editing last night...something happened (I advised people who don't like horror stuff to not read any further). Something/someone hit strongly the window of the downstair room I stayed (it was midnight). Then, it quickly went to the other windows and to my room upstairs (*_* ") I wouldn't question it if I heard it alone, but my brother's fiancee listen it too so we're kind of worried. My brother checked it for us after that but he himself couldn't find anything so he told us to not check it by ourselves and called him if there's anything. Until now we still don't know what that thing actually is...but as long as it's not burglar, I think it's safer ^^" Human can kill after all, so they're more dangerous.
>When I read your previous comments when I posted late once, I'm glad to know that you understand my situation. But to be honest, I can't help but actually feel paranoid to since I'm realy particular with consistency, so I want to take this opportunity for not doing it on time.
>What is troubling Jun is finally revealed. Some of you guessed it right! But now they are breaking down one by one...will there is still any chance left for them to fix everything up again?
>As always, Thank You SO much for reading! Comments are love!