my querincia
These past three weeks have been wonderful to me. They have meant so much to know that i can be somewhere in this world where i am appreciated. I always thought that oxford i am appreciated but i am in alot of ways looked down on. But...
when i talk to the people that i love very much in oxford, it seems as though there is no one who can look down on me.
I talk to the one i love with all of my heart and he tells me he cant wait for me to come home. He cant wait to see me and he cant wait to hold me.
Then i talk to the one who i would call my very close friend.
She basically told me that there are so many people down here that she chills with and she is having a blast but it isnt the same when i am not there. Because we cant do our every day hard core clownin'.
That lit me up.
A smile from ear to ear.
I explained to her last night that no matter how happy i am up here, i cant live up here.
This is my querincia.
this is my "safe place"
If you live in your safe place for to long it will become raided and it is no longer YOUR safe place.
I am in the middle of packing my clothes and it is really hard for me to do. I had to take a break. I am about to say good bye to my brother to my sisters to my mom and to my step dad. And that is really hard for me to do. As any kid it would be. Also at the same time i feel bad because it has always been that no matter what, when i am about to leave, brian calls me and we spend alittle bit of time together and idont have that this time.
I feel as though i am about to let brian down by coming home but i know that i would never let my mom or any of my family up here down.
To brian:
all i can say to you is...
I am sorry
for not being there when you need me.
I have to live my life.
I will continue to have you weighing on my heart heavily and even tho "it was your time," and god wanted you to go. i will always have that feeling that i was the reason of your death and for that, I am sorry.
To my mom:
I love you very much but i have "unfinished business" that i have to accomplish. Dont question my reasons for going back to a family that looks down on me and wont even talk to me. Instead just understand that no matter what...
everything is going to be ok.
To my brother and sister:
I love you as well and all i can say is...
thank you.
To Richie and Ashley;
IM COMING HOME
when i talk to the people that i love very much in oxford, it seems as though there is no one who can look down on me.
I talk to the one i love with all of my heart and he tells me he cant wait for me to come home. He cant wait to see me and he cant wait to hold me.
Then i talk to the one who i would call my very close friend.
She basically told me that there are so many people down here that she chills with and she is having a blast but it isnt the same when i am not there. Because we cant do our every day hard core clownin'.
That lit me up.
A smile from ear to ear.
I explained to her last night that no matter how happy i am up here, i cant live up here.
This is my querincia.
this is my "safe place"
If you live in your safe place for to long it will become raided and it is no longer YOUR safe place.
I am in the middle of packing my clothes and it is really hard for me to do. I had to take a break. I am about to say good bye to my brother to my sisters to my mom and to my step dad. And that is really hard for me to do. As any kid it would be. Also at the same time i feel bad because it has always been that no matter what, when i am about to leave, brian calls me and we spend alittle bit of time together and idont have that this time.
I feel as though i am about to let brian down by coming home but i know that i would never let my mom or any of my family up here down.
To brian:
all i can say to you is...
I am sorry
for not being there when you need me.
I have to live my life.
I will continue to have you weighing on my heart heavily and even tho "it was your time," and god wanted you to go. i will always have that feeling that i was the reason of your death and for that, I am sorry.
To my mom:
I love you very much but i have "unfinished business" that i have to accomplish. Dont question my reasons for going back to a family that looks down on me and wont even talk to me. Instead just understand that no matter what...
everything is going to be ok.
To my brother and sister:
I love you as well and all i can say is...
thank you.
To Richie and Ashley;
IM COMING HOME