RP Log with geniuscowboy | Not Gone This Time

[1twntyovreighty]

It was around mid-afternoon now, a good seven hours after Chris had last been awake. After biting the bullet and creeping into his brother's room early that morning, for some reason he had gone out like a light after spending the last few days struggling to get any sort of momentum in a sleep. Even before he went and crashed on Rick's bed, he had woken from another nightmare, sweaty and feeling crap again. It's what had led him there in the first place, after Serena had gently suggested he should try going to Rick if he felt like he needed someone. Rick had been asleep though, and although Chris nearly chickened out and did a bolt, he ended up staying and was out almost as soon as his head hit the spare pillow next to Rick's head.

Hours later now, and Chris was lying sprawled on his stomach, breathing heavily through his open mouth, not quite snoring but bordering on it. Somehow in his sleep, he had gone from lying stiffly on his side with his hand on Rick's wrist to playing starfish on his stomach, taking up most of the bed and the covers with his arm wrapped around his brother's stomach in a loose hug, completely oblivious to the fact he was now being watched. A few moments later, in something not really uncharacteristic for Chris, he woke up abruptly with a small jolt, almost like someone had just given him a firm shove. He blinked sleepily a few times, trying to get his bearings and it was only then he realised that one, Rick was lying next to him watching him, and his arm had somehow gotten a mind of its own in his sleep and was hugging his brother. A little awkward, considering the fact Rick hadn't known Chris had invited himself to the spare spot on the bed and neither of them were used to unconscious brotherly hugs. "Uhhhmm..." Chris began huskily, not sure whether he should move or not, but realised his other arm was uncomfortable caught under his chest and there was a hint of pins and needles there. He wriggled and moved, sitting up with his blond hair sticking up all over the place and his t-shirt twisted around his torso. He threw Rick a sheepish glance, squinting a little now the sunlight through the cracks in the blinds were assaulting his eyeballs. "Hey."


"Hey," Rick greeted in return as his eyes shone with amusement at his brother's morning routine. Rick had woken up about four hours ago to find his brother in his bed, and after a few moments of watching him, he'd slipped back into sleep. Now he'd been awake for at least twenty minutes and had just been watching Chris. It had felt awkward at first when Rick wasn't sure if he should have been doing anything, but then it had just felt nice. It was nice to know that his brother felt like he could just come and sleep with him. Even if Rick had been wondering what had sparked it. "You sleep okay?"

Chris rubbed a hand over his face to try and wake up a little more, but he could feel he had sleep face on and he shoved his fingers through his hair to try and sort the sleep hair in some way, too, even if he probably just made it worse. "I think so, yeah. This time, anyway. I haven't been... sleeping so great, I mean. Sleeping a bit and then waking up feeling all shitty because of bad dreams. Weird dreams," he admitted with a small frown to himself. He glanced at the clock beside the bed and his eyebrows shot up. "I've been out for seven hours. No wonder I feel like I need to piss like a dinosaur. What about you, dude? Feel any better? You look a little better. Not so pale."

"Well, I don't need to piss like a dinosaur... much, but I feel okay. A little less like I've been slammed by a truck and thrown into a washing machine. What's weird about the dreams? Isn't... Serena helps, doesn't she? You can talk to her about that stuff, can't you?" Rick nudged Chris with his shoulder. "And please get out of the bed before you do decide to take a leak. I'm all for the brotherly love, but that's just a little too much. Even if I'm probably looking to be in adult diapers soon enough."

Chris scrunched his face up. "I'm going, I'm going," he said with a snort and dragged himself up off the bed. He was back in a few minutes, though and dropped back down in the spot he had vacated. "She helps, when I get it into my head to actually say something. Kind of like getting blood from a stone sometimes, though. For the record, though, it won't be adult diapers, it'll be the tube up your dick again," he added with a smirk and then looked up at the ceiling. "The dreams are weird because they start good and end badly."

Rick reached down to cup himself briefly as if he was checking to see the last tube still hadn't done any damage. "I don't want that... No tubes, please. I'll do anything not to get a tube up my dick again. I'd rather wear those pads all the ads are for where the women sit around laughing and pissing themselves. That's way more dignified. And you need to keep talking, bro. Which, okay, hypocritical... But Serena's cares about you. She wants to help." He shifted to lie on his side and looked at Chris. "What kind of bad?"

"Sorry, dude. You don't want to be peeing yourself all over the place. You do not want anything down there infected, trust me. It's... you don't even want to know," Chris insisted, waving his hand. "I know she does, and I'm getting better. It's just not always easy to know what to say until I suddenly have verbal diarrhoea and it's all coming out at once making me feel like I'm just throwing it all in her lap. Plus, she wants to help, but there is not always ways to help. And they're just... bad..." He turned and met Rick's gaze but a frown appeared when he struggled with a way to tell his brother he kept dreaming he was dead. "That you're... not here."

Rick scrunched up his face as he gave a nod. He really didn't want to know. Better his dick stay uninfected even if it probably wasn't going to be seeing action again any time soon. His mind wandered briefly to Bella, but he didn't mention it to his brother. He knew lines had to stay firmly in place. He just missed her already. "She can help by making sure you sleep, and eat, and drink. You're no good to me all withered up and starving. And she can keep listening. I'm just glad you have someone to be there for you." Rick blinked, frowning himself as he fell quiet. "Oh... I'm dead in them."

"No, it's--" Chris paused, trying not to get emotional or worked up again. "It's hard to explain. You're just not there. There's things happening in the dream, and it all seems good and fine, until something makes me realise you aren't there. I don't know where you are, but I can't find you. It comes with this sickening sense of fear and that's when I usually wake up, feeling sick, like it's lingering from the dream. I don't know what it means, but it's happened a few times now. I only told Serena about one time, because she was there too. Makes me wonder if I even want to try and sleep right now."

Rick reached out to give his brother's arm a squeeze. "Hey, hey... I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. At least not if I get much of a say. I wish I could promise you that this is going to end well, and that I'll be cured, but we both know there's no guarantees with cancer. And if I'm honest, it scares the shit out of me knowing that I might check out for good. I don't wanna go down like this. Not when we're finally getting to know each other."

Chris was quiet for a long time. So much seemed to be going through his mind lately and he wasn't sure exactly what he was supposed to feel anymore. A whole lot of confusion and fear just seemed to override everything else. "You haven't been given a death sentence yet. And you know what? Dave was. He was told he wouldn't see his twenty fifth birthday, but he did. He's still here. It's not like it used to be anymore, and see? The doctor in me can do all this optimistic shit, and the doctor in me believes it. But the brother in me? Scared as all fuck that... that maybe we've just missed the brother boat somewhere along the way."

"But we're here," Rick murmured. "We've managed to get the talking thing happened. You came to me when you couldn't sleep. Granted I was unconscious, but it's a start. You're looking after me when you had every reason not to take it on. So maybe I'm not in the same boat as Dave was, but this is still hard. I'm still scared, I still feel like I fucked it all up. You're what's keeping me fighting, bro. I need to see this through, because I can't let you down again."

Chris shot Rick an uncertain look. "Actually, the talking feels pretty one-sided. I know you told me you were scared, but there's not been a lot else you've volunteered beyond the whole sleeping with Bella thing. Something's going on there, but you've volunteered no info about it. I know you feel crap and don't want a tube up your dick, but sometimes, I feel like I'm the one everyone wants to do all the D&M talking. I wasn't comparing you to Dave, I was just saying that not everything is cut and dry. That's all."

Rick pressed his lips together. "I didn't think I was supposed to talk about it. If I talk about it... her... doesn't that make it the one thing it's not supposed to be? There aren't supposed to be lines getting crossed, and I'm not supposed to be encouraging it because it's just me projecting. But I don't feel like I'm projecting. I actually like her. I feel something for her. I've never felt like this about someone. Ever. There's a connection, and I hate that it might be just my mind playing fucked up tricks. I hate that she has to tread on eggshells because anything happening means she has to stop being my doctor. I don't want her to stop being my doctor, I don't want her to stop coming over." Rick huffed out a breath as he rolled onto his back and rubbed his hand against his forehead. "And I don't want to die. I don't want a tube up my dick. I don't want to finally be here, only to watch it piss down the drain because I made a bunch of stupid decisions with that experimental operation."

"Uh, no. The thing that made it the one thing it wasn't supposed to be was your penis in her," Chris correct with a hint of a smirk. "Trust me, that's a one thing I'm pretty aware of myself. But do you think I managed to stop myself? Here is proof I couldn't," he said and held up his hand, pointing to the ring Serena had given him for his birthday. "There's always a whole lot of supposed to's, but in the flesh, it doesn't work like that. Dude, she's stayed with you two nights. I barely even had to ask her. Just try and put it in perspective. She has to even stop being your doctor if she gets the sniffles, dude. It's how it goes." He sighed and rolled onto his side so he could still see Rick's face once he shifted position. He propped his head up on his hand. "You would've lost your kidney anyway, dude. I saw those first scans. You were going to always lose it."

"But what about the other one?" Rick asked as he turned his head to look at his brother. "What happens then? I left it pretty fucking late in the show. It took Dave to kidnap me. Well, not kidnap me, but hit me with some sense. And I can't believe that I get Bella put in front of me, and it's like offering a steak to a starving man. She makes me want all the things I've never, ever wanted. All the things I've tried to run away from. I talk to her about you, and she doesn't even judge me for it. She just tries to understand, to make me understand. To see that I still have a shot at being on the brotherly boat." Rick smirked lightly as he looked at the ring. "You're gonna marry her, don't even try and deny it. It's disgusting how in love with her you are."

Chris pulled a face and stuck his tongue out at his brother. "Then thank fuck Dave has some sense. Someone had to belt you in the face with it because you never listened to me. You owe him a beer when you can drink again. There are options if the other one gets affected to. Bella's got her finger on the pulse. First sign of it and she'll be onto it. She'll be taking so much of your friggin blood over the next few weeks that you'll wonder if she has turned into Draculaette. She's not just a pretty face. But on the projection thing, dude. You'd know in your gut if you were. You would. The question you've gotta ask is, would you have felt like this for her if you just met her in a pub or in passing, cancer aside?" He sighed and looked at the ring. "Can't deny I've had thoughts about it."

"I can still buy him a beer and just watch him drink it. I really do miss beer. I want to get drunk like you wouldn't believe." Rick chuckled a little, but he knew he couldn't drink. He wasn't going to do anything to risk wrecking his body. "Oh great, I get to be a human pin cushion. My veins are probably going to start trying to hide. Yeah, I would have. I wouldn't have even fucking hesitated. She's amazing, bro. She's... I get happy as soon as I see her. She's the first and last thing I think about everyday. I just want to call her up, or text her, or see her. I can't get enough." Rick's eyebrows went up. "Seriously?"

Chris laughed. "Yeah, she won't let them hide, dude. It's why she keeps jabbing you in different places, if you've noticed. She wasn't just wanting to mark your whole body," he sniggered. "Why don't you call her up? Did she tell you not to? Did she tell you to fuck off and stick your head up your ass? She's been looking tired and stressed, maybe she needs something to distract her from everything too? You don't know. She might have just made all the right noises to start, but it might have changed now. She has gone well beyond her obligation with you, dude. Well beyond." He shot Rick a sheepish look. "Yeah, maybe. I can't help it! I didn't think I would ever think about something like marriage. In fact, after seeing mom and dad, I actually swore I never would."

Rick sucked on his bottom lip as he turned his gaze back up to the ceiling and gave a shake of his head. Bella hadn't told him to fuck off, she'd just been cautious about what they did. She kept warning him about doctor-patient boundaries, but Chris was right. She'd still come back when she didn't necessarily have to. "Do you really think I can call her? I just wish I had more energy to maybe take care of her for a change." He reached out to touch Chris' arm. "I know. Trust me, I know. Why do you think I went to so much trouble to not have anything meaningful over the years? It's not just because I'm an asshole. I'm just glad you did find something to change your mind. You deserve the world, bro."

Chris raised his head to look at the clock. "Try. She might be busy, she said she had to work today, but it won't hurt to try. I think she's good at taking care of herself, but she is running thin. She stayed up with you that first night, all night. You just didn't realise it. She didn't sleep. But she's always welcome to come over here and chill. It's not like I'm looking much better, so I can hardly judge on being tired." He gave a laugh and pressed his lips together. "I didn't say it changed my mind, it just might be starting to. I don't know. If push came to shove, I would probably chicken out if I tried to propose to her." He met Rick's gaze and cleared his throat, still finding it weird hearing Rick talk like that without him wanting money or something else, but it was getting easier. "So do you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't think it."

Rick nodded and turned to try and find his phone in the bedside drawer. He also had her business card somewhere in there too. It was only his clothes that were half unpacked. Everything else had found a home. "She wouldn't be doing all that unless there was reason to, right? She's also threatened me not to run away on numerous occasions. She has to... She has to care about me." Rick frowned when he found the two items he'd been looking for and looked from the phone, to the business card and then to his brother. "Are you sure you're okay with this? So don't propose to her yet. I still think you'll make it down the aisle at some point. But then what do I know, huh?" Rick gave him an unsure smile, guessing where his brother's mind kept going back to, and he really couldn't blame Chris. He deserved the suspicion. "I don't know about that, but thanks, bro."

Chris whacked his brother lightly in the arm. "I wasn't going to propose to her. We've only been dating three months. But I, uh... did ask her to move in with me," he admitted sheepishly. "And it wasn't even during sex!" he felt the need to add, as if that was a huge point. But considering they were the Deleo brothers, it probably was quite the point to make. "Am I okay with you calling Bella? I just told you to, didn't I? It will give her the chance to put the brakes on. If she doesn't, then... yeah, dude, I think she cares about you. And hey, puke test all out of the way. You're home free."

"She said she wouldn't let me see her sick," Rick murmured as his brow furrowed. "Does it count if it's a one-sided puke test? You asked her to move in with you? Wow... That's great, bro. Seriously. And it's definitely awesome that it wasn't even during sex. I'm proud of you for thinking with the right head."

"She's a doctor. We don't like anyone seeing us sick. Trust me on that. But yeah, it counts. I got the flu shortly after Serena and I started seeing each other. My own fault, I didn't get my shot. But no joke, I threw up all over her, and then all over her bed, and her bathroom. It was not pretty. But she stuck around. Then she got sick a few weeks later, so it balanced out then. It's just a taking care of thing. It's the thought that counts. Would you want to take care of her if she was sick?" Chris asked and then rubbed his head. "Okay, it was before sex."

Rick laughed. "Before still counts. The sex was celebratory, right? Man, that's just... She's some woman to have still stuck around after all that." He fell quiet as he considered whether he would want to take care of Bella when she was sick. Eventually he nodded. "Yeah, of course I would. Same as I'd take care of you. Like I told Bella, I'd probably suck at it but I'd still do it."

"Hm, it was just more naked bath sex than celebratory. Not that I'm rubbing your face in that. I'm not. It was comfort sex, and you know, if you feel like you can get it up and have the energy for it, you can try. Maybe that's something you should check, see if the chemo has been messing with that. I mean, you might already know..." Chris cleared his throat. "In which case, if you have already tried, please give me notice of any further attempts so I can get the hell out of your room, stat. You would be surprise how much you can wing when you think you suck at something. Unless you have an aversion to puke or holding a girl's hair back."

Rick shook his head. "It's okay, I get it. It's nice that you can get that kind of comfort right now. I wouldn't deny you it. That's why I was pressing for you to go on the date. You shouldn't have to give everything up just for me. And no, I haven't tried. There has been no trying. I haven't exactly felt sexy. So trust me, there'll be warning. How much have you winged with Serena?"

"Maybe not feeling sexy, but I didn't know if you wanted to try and feel alive. It was just something Bella said when she was here the other day. She really knows what she is talking about, I'm not sure you could have gotten a better oncologist if you tried. She's young, done a lot in her career. That's a dedication to her patients, that. You have to basically give up a life to get as far as she has that young. She's not much older than me, and already well through a fellowship." Chris sighed as he thought back over how things had gone down with Serena. "About everything beyond the casual sex point. Casual sex is easy. Sex is easy. Everything beyond that, not so much."

"She had cancer when she was a kid. That's why she gets it," Rick revealed in a hushed tone. It wasn't as if they had any fear of being overhead, but he still felt like he was betraying a secret of sorts. "Of course I want to try, but I still feel like I should some energy. This is the first time I haven't felt like it was an effort to just sit up in the bed. She's amazing." Rick gave a nod as he ran his thumb over the business card he was still clutching. "That's what I figured. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Still, if you can do it, there might be hope for me yet."

Chris nodded, realising that made sense. Bella talked similarly of cancer as Dave did. "She survived too. Odds are on our side." He glanced at Rick again with a smirk and then shifted to fold his arms behind his head and relax a little more again. "She said you might want to try, she didn't say you would succeed. In fact, she elluded to something along the lines of you probably just lying there with your hand on your dick to make sure it was still there. Can't say I would be opposed to such actions myself. I wanted to do the same thing, even when I take a hit to the nads. Hey, I'm still trying to pull it off. Sometimes I still suck. Serena won't outright agree to that, but she'll probably agree I would work a little more on certain aspects."

"What aspects?" Rick asked, genuinely curious. He figured if he could keep gleaning information off his brother, he might have some idea of how to make it work with Bella. If he could keep his mind on a goal, he wouldn't feel so much like he had to kiss his life goodbye. "Well, I've already checked it's all still there. I still say nothing good comes from something that even makes masturbating seem like a huge effort."

"Asking for help, accepting help, knowing when I need help. I guess also knowing how to balance my job with a personal life. Up until I started dating Serena, as pathetic as it sounds, work was my life. My hours meant I didn't have much spare time for anything beyond surfing, drinks with work mates, and casual sex. I convinced myself I didn't need anything else, though. I still couldn't even tell you why I breached that gap with Serena. Things literally just happened one night. All I meant to do was drive her home and watch some movies with her to keep her company." Chris paused and then smiled cheekily at his brother. "Still, must be tempting to jerk off over Bella. Hell, I have Serena with me most days, and I still jerk off over her."

Rick folded his arm behind his head to prop it up as he bit his lip thoughtfully while listening to Chris. "Isn't the help thing just a general guy thing? I don't think I'll be any better with that. I do have a better work-life balance, though. I, ah... I quit before I came back down here. Figured I could find something here in Miami once I'm back up on my feet. Movies and company? Yeah, I don't buy it. Still sounds like code for sex to me," Rick teased. "Of course it's tempting! I've seen her naked now. Felt her... Been with her... Of course it's tempting. Really? Wow, that's some attraction then."

"Not always, no. I mean, a guy with manners, sure, but you would be surprised how lacking that is these days. At least mom always taught us the right way to treat girls. It's not like vomit is pleasant, but at the same time, it also means your girl isn't feeling good at all. You just want to help her, and vice versa if you're sick. I guess it's why I eventually relented and let Serena take care of me. She wanted to help. A nice comforting hug when you have just been hurling, and you're a giant sweat ball from a fever, and probably feel like you're about to crap yourself into oblivion, dripping snot everywhere? That's what says everything. No holds barred. That's why the puke test seems so significant. It's saying, hey, I'm going to stick out the crappy bits too and you know you can rely on me to be there." Chris snorted with a smirk and flipped his brother off. "It was seriously not sex code. Not that night. She had just finished having a thing for a psycho dude who turned out to be an attempted murderer. I really did just want her to know she wasn't alone. I didn't want to be alone, either. Just turns out from that night on, I didn't want to be alone a whole lot. I dunno... Like I said, you feel it in your gut. You just know something has changed."

Rick let out a low whistle when he heard Serena had fallen for an attempted murderer. He was a lot of things, but he wasn't an attempted murderer. He punched Bella's number into his phone and saved it to the contact list before he pushed 'dial' and looked at his brother as he tried to think of what the hell he would say if she did answer. He'd been having a feeling in his gut for a couple of weeks now about Bella, so if that wasn't a sign, he didn't know what was. He got her voicemail and stammered through a message before he hung up. Rick shot his brother a look before he rolled his eyes. Bella was about the only person who could ever get Rick Deleo tongue-tied. "It's a start, right?" he murmured.

Chris was biting down on his lip as he listened to Rick tongue-tied and trying to figure out what to say to a girl. When he hung up, though, he couldn't hold it back anymore. He burst out laughing and put a hand over his face. "Oh shit, dude. That was a classic. It was like you were asking her to come bail you out of jail or something!" he laughed, and probably laughed more than he had done in weeks. "Jesus, man. You really have fallen for her."