Reese, June, Dana, Kristin, and Momma
I am amazed at how the universe knows how to rope my ass back in when I need it. In my previous entry, I was talking about the fact that I have been having some weak moments and because of it……..anxiety. Well, true to form…… “The Powers That Be” always know how to teach me a lesson………
I have had a week of lessons from TRULY amazing women.
I will walk you through it……
It started last Sunday with the Oscars. I have always loved Reese Witherspoon….I love that she has a career…..I love that she is a wife that puts effort into her marriage (her and Ryan SCHEDULE their work to be a couple and family)…..I love that she is a mother….and I love that she does charity work (she is with the Children’s Defense Fund to fight poverty for children)……and lastly, I love her because she is Southern. LOVE HER!!!
Ok….but last Sunday, during her Oscar acceptance speech…..she REMINDED me of something that I have forgotten for awhile. She absolutely rocked me to the core with her words….to the point I downloaded a transcript of her speech. Here is the section that impacted me……..
“I want to say that, my grandmother was one of the biggest inspirations in my life. She taught me how to be a real woman to have strength and self respect, and to never give those things away. And those are a lot of qualities I saw in June Carter. People used to ask June how she was doing, and she used to say -- "I'm just trying to matter." And I know what she means. You know, I'm just trying to matter, and live a good life and make work that means something to somebody. And you have all made me feel that I might have accomplished that tonight. So thank you so much for this honor.”
I was floored. Her words positively vibrated my spine. Where did I get lost?? When did I lose the mantra of “have strength and self respect, and to never give those things away.” Why did I blur my boundaries and allow people I don’t even know bring drama and negativity into my life?? When did I lose my self-respect and believe that these Jerry Springer guests that have manipulated access into my life were just a "part of the deal"…….NO!! I am so much better that!! Some may choose to have people that create chaos in their lives.....that is their choice and that is THEIR journey........not MINE!! I can choose to rise above it and maintain my strength and dignity. And……..believe me……I will.
The second thing that was said in her speech also resonated with me. I loved the quote from June Carter. People used to ask June how she was doing, and she used to say -- "I'm just trying to matter." I have that same inner dialog daily……so, I love that answer. I was telling someone the other day…..that I LOVED being married. Now, we know that didn’t work out…..but I loved it all the same. I loved TRYING to matter to someone. I loved to TRY to be a good wife. I loved TRYING to touch the lives of children when I taught school and did advocacy work. I love TRYING to help people find their dream home or a property to make money. One of my clients was laughing at me the other day because we walked into a house and it was just awful and weird….and they were trying to talk themselves into it. I finally said, “Look, I am not going to let you live here.” He just looked at me and said….. “But, your JOB is to SELL.”……….I said, “No, my DUTY is to make you happy……you will not be happy here.” ………..and we left. My dear June Carter……..I know your words….and I try to live them in every angle I can….. “I am just trying to matter”……
On Tuesday, Dana Reeve died. For those who don’t know…..the wife of Christopher Reeve. Humm…..geezzz….I don’t know…..I am tearing up just typing about it. I mean, a part of me is glad that she is with her husband…..but, I guess my hurt comes from the fact that I really feel the loss for her 13 year old son. First, his father….and now his mother. Her life is a lesson for ANYONE who thinks they know love. I guess what I want to say about her is that…….she and Christopher Reeve were the ULTIMATE example of what love, devotion, honor, sacrifice, and commitment mean in the union of marriage. You NEVER want that to be how it is…….but if it is……don’t you want your partner there? And, she was. Ok people, let’s get serious…….this was a relationship without the obvious conveniences of being married. Let’s see….no sex….no easy, relaxing vacations……no mutual soft touches…….no romantic dinners without the sound of a respirator. Now….I realize I just rattled off the fun things….but that is the point…..if you take away all the possible distractions of REAL life…..would you stay committed?? Could you do it??….could you be THAT devoted to ANYONE?? They were. After watching what she DID and what she WAS to her husband….wouldn’t ANY man want her for a wife??? Dana…….your life is an example of a REAL woman of strength and honor. You are a great teacher……and I have learned from you.
On Wednesday, I went to the gym. Now, every day I desperately seek out new magazines that I can read so that I don’t actually realize that I wish I was dead while on the cross-trainer. This can be a challenge if you go 5 to 6 days a week. Yea!! A new Glamour!! And, I stumble on an article by Kristin Armstrong. Once again….for those who don’t know....the EX wife of Lance Armstrong. In short, the article discusses how she lost herself in her marriage to Lance Armstrong. She became in her words a “Yes Woman.” And, who wouldn't??....a husband with cancer and a pro-athlete.....you do anything you can!!! Uh….. “yes, your honor, I plead guilty as charged.” Damn…yet another lesson to learn this week???? I have been HORRIBLY guilty of this. Now, let me say this………I am not saying be a bitch on wheels in a relationship….but I am saying….don’t forget…..if you are a woman of honor, grace, dignity, and self respect….it is your obligation to challenge things when you don’t think they are right. It is much better to have an argument (or better yet a civilized discussion), than years of misery. I will NEVER forget….I told my Mawmaw once….. “Me and B (my ex-husband) never fight”……she looked at me and said…. “If you don’t fight….you don’t care”…..and although I know I did care about “B”….I think she was close. I didn’t care about my POSITION in the marriage enough to put up a fight for US as a couple.
We as women HAVE to believe we know as MUCH or MORE and fight for it. We can NOT be “Yes Women.” An example that haunts me…..my ex-boyfriend and I were in the middle of a house renovation and I had discovered that the contractor (my friend) was INSANE. Now, I told my ex…..but I didn’t push my point when confronted with the difficult logistics of getting rid of him. I cut ties with my friend…and removed myself from the project. But, my ex got convinced by the guy that he could finish the job while he was on tour (a VERY SWEET idea)….but consequently stole $30,000 from the job and my ex-boyfriend. It devastated me…..how could I have been so weak to withdraw from the fight??? Why didn’t I believe in myself enough to throw a fit and stop this??? I was being obliging and trying not to make waves. Trying to be the understanding/non-dramatic girlfriend in a VERY dramatic situation. Women!!! We have VALUABLE opinions that your partner should hear and he should respect your input…..even if you have to throw a little hissy fit.
PS----Even though Kristin Armstrong was a “Yes Woman” to Lance Armstrong he cheated on her and left her with three children. Stay true to yourself…..even if you give EVERYTHING and make everything easy…..it won’t make a man stay.
My last lesson for the week comes from my own Mother. The anniversary of her death is tomorrow (March 10th). And she had a saying that I feel I somehow stepped away from…….
“Trina, you should NEVER have to TELL anyone about your character or qualities…..you should let them see it because you LIVE IT!!!”
Momma…..you know….I used to wish you would haunt me…..and now, I know that you do……thank you for the gifts of examples this week. You are so timely with your wisdom from beyond. You and these women are inspirations to ALL women. Thank you……and I love and miss you…………..
Last note……..I am not sure ANY man would make it through this long entry….but PLEASE know this………although this entry may seem like I am being negative (I hope it doesn’t)…...I love men….and I believe in relationships. But, I think that it takes a strong woman to make it possible too. The PARTNERSHIP of relationships/marriage takes TWO…….and you don’t want a weak link……….do you?????????
My pledge as a woman:
Honor
Dignity
Grace
Strength
Self-respect
Devotion
Patience
Please feel free to add to this list…..this was just from the list of examples in this entry.