(no subject)
so here i am in this new bedroom, in this house ive taken up residency in. im alone in a way ive never been before. its a sort of optimistic loneliness, because ive yet to try to meet anyone... its not like at home where youre alone because youve met everyone and they all let you down in one way or another, no one has let me down here yet. i havent given them the chance to yet. i need to get out of the house though. ive watched a lot of 'my life on the d list' and other assorted basic cable nonsense.
so they'll be in california this weekend... no word yet. i hesitate to hope, but cant really help it. i guess its not like when i went to new york though, i had so much of my heart (and sanity) invested in that, i needed validation and i got a sense of it there... anything from here on out must be rationally spead as icing on the cake and i refuse to take it personally if nothing goes any further than this.
i need to get on with my life..so if nothing comes of the weekend, i suppose i can assume this was a brilliant conquest and i have acheived a personal life goal and gained a satisfying sense of extracting the envy of innocent bystanders and myspace groupies with an "if they only knew" smirk and a quick deep sigh.
ughhhh.
i should draw or read or something somewhat productive.
i really dont know what else to write. kathy griffin is in new york on my tv right now, i wish i was in new york.
so they'll be in california this weekend... no word yet. i hesitate to hope, but cant really help it. i guess its not like when i went to new york though, i had so much of my heart (and sanity) invested in that, i needed validation and i got a sense of it there... anything from here on out must be rationally spead as icing on the cake and i refuse to take it personally if nothing goes any further than this.
i need to get on with my life..so if nothing comes of the weekend, i suppose i can assume this was a brilliant conquest and i have acheived a personal life goal and gained a satisfying sense of extracting the envy of innocent bystanders and myspace groupies with an "if they only knew" smirk and a quick deep sigh.
ughhhh.
i should draw or read or something somewhat productive.
i really dont know what else to write. kathy griffin is in new york on my tv right now, i wish i was in new york.