hm..lets see..i dont want to live..anymore.
okay..basically i hate my life, i have no friends, i have no control over anything and quite honestly i hate that. my dad thinks not only am i a lazy piece of shit, but also that im a failure and extremely stupid..oh and everytime i try to do something right or start breaking down because life is killing me, i get yelled at..my brother thinks im also a lazy piece and thinks i should be out having fun..yeah wouldnt that be nice..id love to go out and have fun. if there were people who wanted to have fun with me or if i had anything to say to people since before if conversation died i could talk about school or life or something but now..what do i have? nothing. i have dreams, tv shows, and complaints. im sick of the person ive become and i dont think i should be ruining my dads life by making him stay in the house, or my moms apparently since she hates my dad equally..but do either of them do anythuing about it?? no. they just come to be and bitch and say i better graduate so they can kick the other person out of their life..know what? its not easy having everything on my plate at once..i cant take all the fighting anymore while im trying to do my homework my dad will start yelling at me about it then my mom will come in and yell at him then hell yell at her and then i start crying because i just want people to be happy and im not living up to their expectations or my own. i cant take it anymore and i cant tell anyone because theyll say oh youre getting better its just the end..yeah if only it was but you know what else? its been going on for as long as i can remember. i honestly dont think ill be truly happy until im out of this house and away from mansfield. or dead. im so sick of being depressed. i cant stand my body either. but hey its not like i can do naything about it because i cant fucking exercise for 2 weeks or do anything like that. technically im not supposed to go to school but whatever ive already missed so much hopefully im not compromising my health. im just so sick of how all this stress of everything builds on top of each other. ive tried. im just never good enough for anything or anyone, especially myself. theres so much stuff flying around my head right now i just want to get some sleep..crying myself to sleep.theres something thats basically become a nightly ritual since birth. they say these are the best years of your life..well if thats the case..i dont want to be alive for the rest.