Ouran Host Club, Kyouya Ootori x Tamaki Suoh
Fandom: Ouran Host Club
Pairing: Kyouya Ootori x Tamaki Suoh
Theme Set: Epsilon
Rating: PG-13
Tamaki’s Song
By Kay
You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again
- Annie’s Song, John Denver
#01 - Motion
Tamaki is only still once in a blue moon (meaning never), and that’s part of why Kyouya watches him so carefully-with Tamaki, if you blink he may be disappear and do something incredibly stupid.
#02 - Cool
The glass shoved in Kyouya’s face is beaded with glistening water droplets-Oolong tea, Kyouya’s favorite, and Tamaki beams at him over the rim.
#03 - Young
“What an idiot,” Kyouya murmurs, brushing away a few stray curls of blond out of Tamaki’s slackened face; even in sleep, the boy looks several years too young, a child playing house since he hasn’t one of his own.
#04 - Last
“We’re the only ones left,” Tamaki says cheerfully, closing the door to the music room and crossing over to Kyouya with a secret smile that’s not really secret at all.
#05 - Wrong
If the world was fair, Kyouya would inherit the family business and Tamaki would still be playing songs for his mother in the French sunlight-as it is, this is wrong, but it’s made right because on a very ordinary day, Kyouya Ohtori met Tamaki Suoh.
#06 - Gentle
Kyouya is not gentle with Tamaki-it’s not in his nature and Tamaki would never tolerate it if Kyouya lied to himself-but sometimes, just sometimes, he wishes he could be.
#07 - One
Tamaki’s keeping track of how many times a day he can get Kyouya to actually laugh, for real, but so far the record is one.
#08 - Thousand
There are thousands of people worth the effort of getting close to in the world, but Kyouya chooses Tamaki and Tamaki only, because he provides the most benefits and because out of the thousands of people worth the effort of getting close to in the world, Tamaki chooses him.
#09 - King
There is no doubting who is the real king in Ouran, Kyouya muses from his control in the shadows as he watches the blond idiot flail about-but just as surely, there is only one prince who wouldn’t wait for a rescue even if he thought it were coming.
#10 - Learn
Tamaki is a good student-he learns about mathematics, ancient languages, flower arrangement, literature, commoner’s food, history, words that make girls swoon, and the subtle curve of Kyouya’s eyes when he’s holding back a smile.
#11 - Blur
Kyouya become aware of it gradually, this slight twist in affections that steadily grows from the basement of his subconscious, and only discovers its strength when one evening he glances at Tamaki against the bleeding orange of the sunset and feels his heart blur with the wanting.
#12 - Wait
Kyouya is very good at waiting because that’s the only way you can make sure something is real or worth the effort, and value increases over time if it’s preserved correctly.
#13 - Change
Tamaki, unsurprisingly, doesn’t sense the change right away-he still freaks out regularly, pleading with Haruhi to see “Father’s way,” and if Kyouya is more quiet then surely he won’t wait long to tell Tamaki what’s wrong.
#14 - Command
“Shut up,” Kyouya finally tells him, capturing the rest of the unspoken words as he kisses Tamaki-takes hold of his chin and forces the silence through, and Tamaki tastes like tea and cheap sugar.
#15 - Hold
Kyouya, contrary to popular belief, is very capable of holding something-after all, he is a money miser and knows how to keep precious things close.
#16 - Need
Kyouya is the son of a rich man and therefore is not accustomed to want without satisfaction-but he needs this, maybe, this stirring ache that only grows worse every time Tamaki slumps, boneless, in his hold.
#17 - Vision
Tamaki likes to take off Kyouya’s glasses sometimes, peering into his eyes curiously just to make sure that he sees Tamaki clear enough-but really, he never has to worry.
#18 - Attention
Disturbingly, much like a flower, Tamaki wilts without attention and tends to become battered because, also much like a flower, he knows there’s only one place on earth he belongs, no matter the weather there.
#19 - Soul
In the rain, Tamaki is somehow smaller and softer, like the water has slicked away everything except his soul-it flickers under the streetlight and Kyouya kisses him on the corner of his mouth because if he doesn’t, Tamaki may fade away altogether.
#20 - Picture
There is a picture of Tamaki and Kyouya from middle school on the desk that sits in Kyouya’s room; he comes home soaking wet and takes it, staring at the bright smile of his best friend and feeling for the first time it might doom him.
#21 - Fool
“You’re a fool,” Kyouya whispers, dry-mouthed-he presses his forehead to the mirror and closes his eyes tight, trying to burn the image of Tamaki’s soft gaze from his brain.
#22 - Mad
Kyouya and Tamaki are a quiet angry, the kind that stews in the dark places of the world and stirs in pools of black water-but while Kyouya strikes when you least expect it, Tamaki stays on the bottom collecting beautiful stones so as to eventually rise to the surface better off than ever.
#23 - Child
“Haruhi, I don’t want you to grow up!” Tamaki wails, and is both surprised and confused when Haruhi sighs, glances at Kyouya, shakes her head, and replies, “You, too.”
#24 - Now
“Now,” Kyouya says idly, folding his glasses up safely in his pocket and stepping forward to trap Tamaki against the wall, “where were we?”
#25 - Shadow
It’s the shadow that Kyouya rules from, where he binds Tamaki down and imbibes deeply from sun-speckled warmth, where he watches, where he gets the best of both worlds.
#26 - Goodbye
“It’s not really goodbye,” Tamaki gasps as he tries to catch his breath, half-leaning into the window of Kyouya’s limo, “so don’t say it again.”
#27 - Hide
Tamaki wants to play hide and seek-Kyouya wants to remark that Tamaki couldn’t hide himself if he were invisible and mute and tied down with iron rods under the ocean.
#28 - Fortune
“It says good fortune for the year,” Tamaki says excitedly, and the little slip of paper inevitably finds itself taped to his bedside table so he can look at it every morning and remember how much he has to look forward to.
#29 - Safe
There’s something that feels good, feels safe, about being with Kyouya because Tamaki can fall apart-crumble, doubt, wonder, spread whimsy, shudder, hold on in the aftermath and cry-and Kyouya is smart enough to figure out where every piece goes again.
#30 - Ghost
“No ghost stories,” Kyouya says darkly, plucking the book out of Tamaki’s shivering hands, “or do you not remember last year?”
#31 - Book
There is a book in Kyouya’s room that may or may not be Tamaki’s because they can’t remember anymore, and they could buy another one, but Tamaki thinks it’s nice to have as many reasons as possible to see each other again.
#32 - Eye
The familiar voice chatting away at his side makes Kyouya slide open one eye to see who the hell is bothering him this early-at the glint of gold, he jerks the boy into bed and ignores the resulting squawk, curling back into his pillow and falling back to sleep.
#33 - Never
Tamaki huffs for a bit and amuses himself by counting the ornamental cracks in Kyouya’s bedroom ceiling-after a bit, he settles down and watches Kyouya’s face with some degree of curiosity, wondering why he’s never noticed the strange pressure in his chest until this moment.
#34 - Sing
Kyouya doesn’t know the name of the melody that spills out from Tamaki’s fingers as they dance over the piano keys, but against the sunlight Tamaki is grinning like he’s seen the world and it’s exactly the place it is supposed to be.
#35 - Sudden
It happens like a train accident-head-on, no warnings, and Kyouya realizes he can’t spend another day without killing Tamaki or kissing him.
#36 - Stop
“Stop,” Tamaki says, something clearing up in his eyes like the first traces of summer, but he takes a step closer and Kyouya kisses him again just because he can.
#37 - Time
Sometimes Tamaki has guilty little dreams where he’s in France with his mother and they’re playing with Antoinette while waiting for Kyouya to return from another business meeting with the rest of the company leaders-in this dream, his pretty future, they giggle together over how much Kyouya works and what cake they should make to celebrate another day together.
#38 - Wash
“Kyouya,” Tamaki’s head pops out from behind the shower curtain, wet ringlets plastered to the red flush of his face, “could you hand me a towel?”
#39 - Torn
Kyouya has a dream about a field of white and red, lions on beaches, and Tamaki ripped down the middle and saying, “I can’t figure out which half is mine.”
#40 - History
The greatest, most powerful figures don’t go down in history because they work in the shadows, content to make it rather than be in it.
#41 - Power
Sometimes a sharp, inexplicable chill runs through Kyouya when he realizes, dead in the night and somewhere between slumber and coherency, that he could be perfectly happy in life so long as one single, certain constant doesn’t change.
#42 - Bother
“You’re bothering me,” Kyouya says, ice in his voice and something colder in his eyes that falters Tamaki in mid-sentence, before walking away.
#43 - God
It’s because he can’t get dependent on Tamaki, Kyouya rationalizes, he can’t give himself to Tamaki, can’t lose focus of his goals-mortals who walk with gods still die, after all, and he hates the idea of Tamaki having a certain kind of power over him.
#44 - Wall
Tamaki feels like Kyouya is a fortress growing tighter every day, with walls that don’t crack, windows that don’t open, a gate that stays locked, and a moat parched for too long of rain.
#45 - Naked
There is a question on Tamaki’s face that is fearful of being answered, a plain need written across the way he looks at Kyouya and bows his head.
#46 - Drive
“I want what makes Kyouya happy,” he admits, and Kyouya told himself he could handle anything and still turn away, but Tamaki suddenly doesn’t look like a god at all, just another boy-a child, really, earnest and stupid and he loves this oaf, wants to make his dreams come true and his own-and just like that, Kyouya gives up for the first time in his life and concedes defeat.
#47 - Harm
He can’t see them but they’re there-Kyouya spends three nights in Tamaki’s bed, kissing bruises and wounds that haven’t closed over fully, scrapes his king doesn’t even know he has, carefully sending Tamaki into trembles and rebuilding him stronger every time.
#48 - Precious
There are few precious things in Kyouya’s life that he will not sell or barter for; one of them is gold and one of a kind, carefully hoarded for a future that may or may not come.
#49 - Hunger
Tamaki is making gasping sounds like he’s dying beneath Kyouya and there is a certain wild hunger Kyouya has never felt before burning in his chest-he takes all of Tamaki like he’s a starving man who finds bread in the longest stretch of desert, drinking the mewls spilling from Tamaki’s throat, unable to stop wanting and feasting and gorging on this feeling for just a little while longer.
#50 - Believe
It can’t work and it won’t… but for now Kyouya stays awake while he can and listens to Tamaki breathe in and out, the last traces of Kyouya’s name on his lips fading as he goes into sleep.
The End
Pairing: Kyouya Ootori x Tamaki Suoh
Theme Set: Epsilon
Rating: PG-13
Tamaki’s Song
By Kay
You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
Come fill me again
- Annie’s Song, John Denver
#01 - Motion
Tamaki is only still once in a blue moon (meaning never), and that’s part of why Kyouya watches him so carefully-with Tamaki, if you blink he may be disappear and do something incredibly stupid.
#02 - Cool
The glass shoved in Kyouya’s face is beaded with glistening water droplets-Oolong tea, Kyouya’s favorite, and Tamaki beams at him over the rim.
#03 - Young
“What an idiot,” Kyouya murmurs, brushing away a few stray curls of blond out of Tamaki’s slackened face; even in sleep, the boy looks several years too young, a child playing house since he hasn’t one of his own.
#04 - Last
“We’re the only ones left,” Tamaki says cheerfully, closing the door to the music room and crossing over to Kyouya with a secret smile that’s not really secret at all.
#05 - Wrong
If the world was fair, Kyouya would inherit the family business and Tamaki would still be playing songs for his mother in the French sunlight-as it is, this is wrong, but it’s made right because on a very ordinary day, Kyouya Ohtori met Tamaki Suoh.
#06 - Gentle
Kyouya is not gentle with Tamaki-it’s not in his nature and Tamaki would never tolerate it if Kyouya lied to himself-but sometimes, just sometimes, he wishes he could be.
#07 - One
Tamaki’s keeping track of how many times a day he can get Kyouya to actually laugh, for real, but so far the record is one.
#08 - Thousand
There are thousands of people worth the effort of getting close to in the world, but Kyouya chooses Tamaki and Tamaki only, because he provides the most benefits and because out of the thousands of people worth the effort of getting close to in the world, Tamaki chooses him.
#09 - King
There is no doubting who is the real king in Ouran, Kyouya muses from his control in the shadows as he watches the blond idiot flail about-but just as surely, there is only one prince who wouldn’t wait for a rescue even if he thought it were coming.
#10 - Learn
Tamaki is a good student-he learns about mathematics, ancient languages, flower arrangement, literature, commoner’s food, history, words that make girls swoon, and the subtle curve of Kyouya’s eyes when he’s holding back a smile.
#11 - Blur
Kyouya become aware of it gradually, this slight twist in affections that steadily grows from the basement of his subconscious, and only discovers its strength when one evening he glances at Tamaki against the bleeding orange of the sunset and feels his heart blur with the wanting.
#12 - Wait
Kyouya is very good at waiting because that’s the only way you can make sure something is real or worth the effort, and value increases over time if it’s preserved correctly.
#13 - Change
Tamaki, unsurprisingly, doesn’t sense the change right away-he still freaks out regularly, pleading with Haruhi to see “Father’s way,” and if Kyouya is more quiet then surely he won’t wait long to tell Tamaki what’s wrong.
#14 - Command
“Shut up,” Kyouya finally tells him, capturing the rest of the unspoken words as he kisses Tamaki-takes hold of his chin and forces the silence through, and Tamaki tastes like tea and cheap sugar.
#15 - Hold
Kyouya, contrary to popular belief, is very capable of holding something-after all, he is a money miser and knows how to keep precious things close.
#16 - Need
Kyouya is the son of a rich man and therefore is not accustomed to want without satisfaction-but he needs this, maybe, this stirring ache that only grows worse every time Tamaki slumps, boneless, in his hold.
#17 - Vision
Tamaki likes to take off Kyouya’s glasses sometimes, peering into his eyes curiously just to make sure that he sees Tamaki clear enough-but really, he never has to worry.
#18 - Attention
Disturbingly, much like a flower, Tamaki wilts without attention and tends to become battered because, also much like a flower, he knows there’s only one place on earth he belongs, no matter the weather there.
#19 - Soul
In the rain, Tamaki is somehow smaller and softer, like the water has slicked away everything except his soul-it flickers under the streetlight and Kyouya kisses him on the corner of his mouth because if he doesn’t, Tamaki may fade away altogether.
#20 - Picture
There is a picture of Tamaki and Kyouya from middle school on the desk that sits in Kyouya’s room; he comes home soaking wet and takes it, staring at the bright smile of his best friend and feeling for the first time it might doom him.
#21 - Fool
“You’re a fool,” Kyouya whispers, dry-mouthed-he presses his forehead to the mirror and closes his eyes tight, trying to burn the image of Tamaki’s soft gaze from his brain.
#22 - Mad
Kyouya and Tamaki are a quiet angry, the kind that stews in the dark places of the world and stirs in pools of black water-but while Kyouya strikes when you least expect it, Tamaki stays on the bottom collecting beautiful stones so as to eventually rise to the surface better off than ever.
#23 - Child
“Haruhi, I don’t want you to grow up!” Tamaki wails, and is both surprised and confused when Haruhi sighs, glances at Kyouya, shakes her head, and replies, “You, too.”
#24 - Now
“Now,” Kyouya says idly, folding his glasses up safely in his pocket and stepping forward to trap Tamaki against the wall, “where were we?”
#25 - Shadow
It’s the shadow that Kyouya rules from, where he binds Tamaki down and imbibes deeply from sun-speckled warmth, where he watches, where he gets the best of both worlds.
#26 - Goodbye
“It’s not really goodbye,” Tamaki gasps as he tries to catch his breath, half-leaning into the window of Kyouya’s limo, “so don’t say it again.”
#27 - Hide
Tamaki wants to play hide and seek-Kyouya wants to remark that Tamaki couldn’t hide himself if he were invisible and mute and tied down with iron rods under the ocean.
#28 - Fortune
“It says good fortune for the year,” Tamaki says excitedly, and the little slip of paper inevitably finds itself taped to his bedside table so he can look at it every morning and remember how much he has to look forward to.
#29 - Safe
There’s something that feels good, feels safe, about being with Kyouya because Tamaki can fall apart-crumble, doubt, wonder, spread whimsy, shudder, hold on in the aftermath and cry-and Kyouya is smart enough to figure out where every piece goes again.
#30 - Ghost
“No ghost stories,” Kyouya says darkly, plucking the book out of Tamaki’s shivering hands, “or do you not remember last year?”
#31 - Book
There is a book in Kyouya’s room that may or may not be Tamaki’s because they can’t remember anymore, and they could buy another one, but Tamaki thinks it’s nice to have as many reasons as possible to see each other again.
#32 - Eye
The familiar voice chatting away at his side makes Kyouya slide open one eye to see who the hell is bothering him this early-at the glint of gold, he jerks the boy into bed and ignores the resulting squawk, curling back into his pillow and falling back to sleep.
#33 - Never
Tamaki huffs for a bit and amuses himself by counting the ornamental cracks in Kyouya’s bedroom ceiling-after a bit, he settles down and watches Kyouya’s face with some degree of curiosity, wondering why he’s never noticed the strange pressure in his chest until this moment.
#34 - Sing
Kyouya doesn’t know the name of the melody that spills out from Tamaki’s fingers as they dance over the piano keys, but against the sunlight Tamaki is grinning like he’s seen the world and it’s exactly the place it is supposed to be.
#35 - Sudden
It happens like a train accident-head-on, no warnings, and Kyouya realizes he can’t spend another day without killing Tamaki or kissing him.
#36 - Stop
“Stop,” Tamaki says, something clearing up in his eyes like the first traces of summer, but he takes a step closer and Kyouya kisses him again just because he can.
#37 - Time
Sometimes Tamaki has guilty little dreams where he’s in France with his mother and they’re playing with Antoinette while waiting for Kyouya to return from another business meeting with the rest of the company leaders-in this dream, his pretty future, they giggle together over how much Kyouya works and what cake they should make to celebrate another day together.
#38 - Wash
“Kyouya,” Tamaki’s head pops out from behind the shower curtain, wet ringlets plastered to the red flush of his face, “could you hand me a towel?”
#39 - Torn
Kyouya has a dream about a field of white and red, lions on beaches, and Tamaki ripped down the middle and saying, “I can’t figure out which half is mine.”
#40 - History
The greatest, most powerful figures don’t go down in history because they work in the shadows, content to make it rather than be in it.
#41 - Power
Sometimes a sharp, inexplicable chill runs through Kyouya when he realizes, dead in the night and somewhere between slumber and coherency, that he could be perfectly happy in life so long as one single, certain constant doesn’t change.
#42 - Bother
“You’re bothering me,” Kyouya says, ice in his voice and something colder in his eyes that falters Tamaki in mid-sentence, before walking away.
#43 - God
It’s because he can’t get dependent on Tamaki, Kyouya rationalizes, he can’t give himself to Tamaki, can’t lose focus of his goals-mortals who walk with gods still die, after all, and he hates the idea of Tamaki having a certain kind of power over him.
#44 - Wall
Tamaki feels like Kyouya is a fortress growing tighter every day, with walls that don’t crack, windows that don’t open, a gate that stays locked, and a moat parched for too long of rain.
#45 - Naked
There is a question on Tamaki’s face that is fearful of being answered, a plain need written across the way he looks at Kyouya and bows his head.
#46 - Drive
“I want what makes Kyouya happy,” he admits, and Kyouya told himself he could handle anything and still turn away, but Tamaki suddenly doesn’t look like a god at all, just another boy-a child, really, earnest and stupid and he loves this oaf, wants to make his dreams come true and his own-and just like that, Kyouya gives up for the first time in his life and concedes defeat.
#47 - Harm
He can’t see them but they’re there-Kyouya spends three nights in Tamaki’s bed, kissing bruises and wounds that haven’t closed over fully, scrapes his king doesn’t even know he has, carefully sending Tamaki into trembles and rebuilding him stronger every time.
#48 - Precious
There are few precious things in Kyouya’s life that he will not sell or barter for; one of them is gold and one of a kind, carefully hoarded for a future that may or may not come.
#49 - Hunger
Tamaki is making gasping sounds like he’s dying beneath Kyouya and there is a certain wild hunger Kyouya has never felt before burning in his chest-he takes all of Tamaki like he’s a starving man who finds bread in the longest stretch of desert, drinking the mewls spilling from Tamaki’s throat, unable to stop wanting and feasting and gorging on this feeling for just a little while longer.
#50 - Believe
It can’t work and it won’t… but for now Kyouya stays awake while he can and listens to Tamaki breathe in and out, the last traces of Kyouya’s name on his lips fading as he goes into sleep.
The End